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User Topic: Can't decide if I want to have children,
Audrina
♀ Member
Member # 31522
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the responses. I guess, I am just going to have to give this some serious thought.

I know it sounds selfish but I HAVE thought about who will take care of me in my old age.
But it is not a valid reason to have children!

What are some good reasons to have children? Why do people have them?

Might sound like a silly question but I genuinely want to know.


Me (betrayed): 35
Him:45


Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Canada
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew from an early age that I did not want children. My mother says she knew this about me even when I was little, because I never wanted to play with baby dolls. "You were always an excellent mother to your stuffed animals, however!" she says... and it's true. Animals are my thing. My furbabies (one cat, one dog) are my children.

When I married XWH, I inherited 5 children who were desperate for a mother figure. I did my best for them and loved them all dearly. For awhile I thought that was why I never wanted kids... its because I was meant to be an awesome stepmom to his kids.

Now even after the D,I still have a very close relationship with his daughter. (The teenage boys, not so much, but that's okay.) I was present at the birth of her darling son in January, and it was one of the most incredible things I've ever witnessed.

But I do not and never have regretted my decision not to have children of my own.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are some good reasons to have children? Why do people have them?

Good reasons? Heck if I know. I don't know if there are specific logical reasons for it. It's an urge, or a calling, like getting married to the one you love feels like an internal pull. I'm sure there must be bad reasons, but really it's something I think people feel emotionally drawn to doing - or not doing - and neither choice is "wrong", with all the obvious caveats.

I mentioned earlier that my son was a surprise pregnancy. I'm not sure if I would have had my daughter when I got remarried if I hadn't already been a parent. I wanted more of the love I shared with my son, combined with the love I had for my husband. But had I been childless when I remarried, maybe I would have invested all my love and nurturing into my marriage, myself and my stepdaughter and never really felt like I was missing anything. And that would really have been a full life, too.


Posts: 3193 | Registered: Mar 2005
JanetS
♀ Member
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny I should read this at this moment in time...not only 15 minutes ago I said "sometimes I wish I never had children"....and I wasn't really kidding.

My daughter is fine, independent and responsible. But my two sons, 22 and 23 are adult children, needy, irresponsible, frustrating, at times rude. I love them. But some days my stress level over them (and dealing with their father over them) causes me such awful stress. The stress is with me from the moment I wake up till I fall asleep...and I go to asleep early just to get away from the stress. Glad I don't have a drinking problem, because it certainly would present itself right now.

Ask me in two years, hopefully it will be an entirely different story.

And, I heard that people without children live longer.


Posts: 2585 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
NWfleur
♀ Member
Member # 35874
Default  Posted: 3:30 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This topic is interesting. I wanted kids from the get go...other girls would dream about getting married and their weddings...I didn't care about that, I just wanted a baby! It was a very strong drive for me. I cannot imagine life without my DSs. They have taught me so much and it is a love like no other that is impossible to explain until you experience it for yourself.

That said, I have a few friends who always felt ho-hum about having kids. They are 40ish now and probably not going to have them. And they are okay with that. I honestly think it's more innately driven for some, and there are women that just don't have the "I want babies" gene. There is enough people in the world as it is, perhaps it's a good thing and nature's way of balancing things a bit. Although I've often thought that, ironically, it seems that the people who take the longest to decide, or choose to not have children at all, would make the best parents. Lots of people having lots of babies without giving much thought to the huge responsibility it entails.
I'm a preschool teacher too, btw...and I can say that as much as I love what I do...it's pretty good birth control at times!!!!

[This message edited by NWfleur at 3:33 AM, October 12th (Saturday)]


Me BS (39)
Him WS (36)
2 DS
M: 9 years (together 13)
DD: 4/10/2012
(Separated since 12/11...affair began ??!!)

Divorced!!!


Posts: 322 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 45
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