I'm currently friends with what I'd call a true momma's boy. He's an only child and his mom is newly widowed. It seems to me that he's always at his mom's place on his free time...after work and weekends.
He seems to really be devoted to his mother and loves her very much....but...it seems to me a little much. He has told me it has caused issues for a couple of his previous girlfriends. Really?? You think??
For those of you that have dated or married a momma's boy, what has been your experience? Any advice? Should I run for the hills?
Personally, it's a bit much for me. I think I'm better off keeping him in the Friend Zone.
BTW, he was at his parents' place just as much prior to his dad passing so it isn't new behavior on his part.
(My XWH's MOW was a clone of his mom, though younger.)
FOO problems like crazy!!!
Google a forum "MIL stories" if you want to read from others who married/are dating Momma's Boys.
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!!!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
The X was a mama's boy through and through, but it was a bit more insidious; she involved him in criminal activity at an early age which continued into adulthood. I didn't find out about it until after the betrayal. I knew they were too close, but I thought it was because of the psychotic, alcoholic father (yeah; the X was a catch )
His mom treated him like a boyfriend; she flirted with him quite frequently.
Don't get involved unless you think of him as you would a gay friend--no romantic interest ever.
[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 12:25 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
He has told me it has caused issues for a couple of his previous girlfriends.
So he knows this. Is he making any effort to change it, or was he telling you because he's looking for someone that won't make him cut the apron strings?
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –
My family is close but not THAT close and I could never relate to his relationship with his mom.
[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:18 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)
edited for typos
[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:17 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
I realized that it has been troubling me since then.
I know this is the New Beginnings Forum, & I really belong in R, but :
RUN, you will always be treated as second best. Unlikely the relationship would be a healthy partnership with MIL in the mix
But there was no individually with her and my X. Apparently they came as a set. It caused so much strain in my marriage and I never felt I ever came first. His mother always did.
His mom treated him like a boyfriend; she flirted with him quite frequently
^^^^This is all true, in our case. Am trying like crazy to get WH to look at it in MC. Sometimes I feel like MIL is another OW.
What do you guys think is the connection between being a Momma's Boy & infidelity?
Do you guys think there is any hope of R with a Momma's Boy?
Back to your question:
There is always hope of R as long as your WH is willing to do the work to address his issues no matter what they are. It could be addiction, momma's boy, FOO, whatever. It really doesn't matter the issue, what really matters is if they want to address it and hopefully change.
Of course there are no guarantees but you know the drill: Actions, actions, actions!
[This message edited by mom of 2 at 9:30 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
This from a woman who left WH , who was 3 yo, with a babysitter most afternoons while she went to bars to try to meet men,while WH's father (who was a sweet man) worked like a slave , 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. Finally , WH's mother met a MOM, ran off with him, taking WH, & destroying 2 families.
Pre A, it was like she can do no wrong, but whatever goes wrong is my fault.
Now, I think he is trying. But with 56 yrs being a Momma's Boy, it will probably take some time.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:37 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
When we lived over 200 miles from his parents (when we weren't closer or even living with them), we still went to visit almost every single weekend. It was like he couldn't stand to be alone with his own family, his wife and kids. He always had to be around his mother. All major holidays had to be spent there, as well. He was always pretty crappy to my family - his came first. And his mother could do no wrong.
I'll never step into that again, that's for sure!
Someone who's parent is their primary relationship in adulthood has some problems. Problems that I'm not willing to deal with frankly.
I'd say run.
One day, I read him some articles about emotional incest and things started to change real quick.
He hasn't spoken to her in a year now actually. I am not sure he handled it "right" but, he seems ok, and we don't have to deal with her, and things are good, so I can't complain too much.
But, it was a lot of work on both our parts, but especially his, and he had to realize there was work to be done and WANT to do it. Without those 2 things, I don't think it would have worked at all. Well, those 2 things, and a huge physical distance.
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
This "friend" has other issues besides being a momma's boy. I've brought them to his attention but obviously he's not willing to change. It's okay because I'm friend zoning him.
I'm not willing to settle or compromise next time around. And if there's no next time? Well, it's better than putting up with someone's issues and nonsense. And heck if I'm going to be 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., in a relationship. If he wants his mother, he can have her!
Last week I texted him and told him what I had for dinner. He replied and said he had take-out and told me what he ate. BUT WAIT...here comes his next text telling what his mother ate! I kid you not!! CRAZY!
Thank you all for your replies! They are extremely helpful.
He says yes.....his mother must have been watching out for him.
His dead for 14 years mother.
I give up.