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Newest Member: StrongAndCapable (44279)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: offer parenting classes to stbx or not?
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to take some parenting classes to gain extra skills/tips in being a better mom. Our DS has Aspergers and he can be challenging at times. I have filed for D, but it is on hold for now.

Should I invite STBX to join me in these classes? On the one hand, I would like him to have as many skills as possible to be a great dad to his kids, but on the other hand, I don't want him to get more custody and come out looking like Dad of the Year when we go through the D process.

He is SA and also has NPD traits, so who knows if he would even get anything from these classes.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not offer, do not invite, do not mention. It's his job to figure out how to be a better parent. You handle your own shit now, he handles his.

Yes, that means the children suffer as a result. But you know the truth of dealing with a NPD SA: if they don't initiate the change and follow-through 100% on their own initiative, it's meaningless and will not "take".


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9295 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with NG, with the added caveat that, if you do tell him about these classes, at some point in time he'll tell you that you've tried to control him and are trying to make him *look bad*.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7696 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something else - the biggest take-away he'll get from the classes is excellent "good parent" wording to add to his mask. NPD's are masters of disguise. The more they learn, the better they can hide in plain sight.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9295 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't do it. If he cared at all about your child he would do it on his own. If I were you, I would also take some classes just for Aspergers.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4691 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 5

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