You deserve better. Even though it is hard to see right now your kids will be better off not growing up around this because it will come out. It did with my oldest. It doesn't look like your WH is willing to change or cares about your feelings. It will get worse.
I am so sorry for saying all of this.
He does own the business. And my plan right now is to play really nice. See where that gets me. As far as the PI goes, I have thought about it but wonder if they could find anything if it has ended?
I don't think they ever end. If he was having an EA with her and they still work together, nothing has changed. People don't just give up their emotions and continue working with someone.
Trust your gut. If he is not having a PA yet, he is definitely fishing for it. That he brought up the sisters Alex life by asking who she was $^*+ing is crossing a line. Coupled with him thinking about her, yeah, he's in it. Sorry.
My WH also had an A with a co-worker. I originally caught him by checking his phonebill. Sounds to me like your WH has a secret phone now.
What does he usually do @ lunchtime---where does he go?
I borrowed a nondescript car & , sort of in disguise ( I put my hair up into a baseball cap & put sunglasses on) I made the rounds of all the restaurants I knew WH ate in at lunchtime, & TWICE I caught them having lunch together.
Or, you could follow her.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:25 AM, September 30th (Monday)]
We are now D for more than 2 years. To this day he STILL will not admit he is/was with her; they are 'just friends' (even though she's 'in a relationship' and has pictures of the two of them on her FB page.
Without a doubt, you are. being gaslighted
Was he a blamshifting, demeaning prick over the weekend? Mine loved to pull this stunt, it kept me at arms length, and reeling, trying to make his life happy for him.
So codpenedent I was, and it allowed him to maintain control over the situation. It sucked.
You are worth more, and you will only get more, by demanding it.
If I would have surprised him in the office at the least I would have seen the kitty toys all over, he would have to answer to that.
I have not left BC I am afraid if I do the kids will have to spend 50% of their time with him, which they would hate. If I am around then at least I can protect them from these outbursts (somewhat)
He tried to reach out to me this morning but I refused. He always tries mildly to make nice after an argument but rarely takes any responsibility. I accept responsibility to keep peace BC he is a prick if I defend myself then the kids have to suffer... You follow? So, if I can prove an affair it might give me a way out.
My kids. That is really all I care about.
I am on my lunch break at work and he just texted me asking how my day is. I have told myself I will not communicate with him this week. Let him stew for once.
Thanks everyone... From the bottom of my heart. I will pay it forward someday when I get this mess figured out
Fuck the fact that he is cheating. He is abusing your kids. Screaming in his son's face..because he wanted to go STUDY AT THE LIBRARY...to the point he had the kid in tears??
Who gives two shits if he is cheating if he is also abusing your kids?
He got shitty about the money because you were about to show up at work..and the OW was there. His anger..and yelling at you was his way of distracting you from what is going on..his affair.
ETA: Oh..and yes.. I follow...you make nice with him to keep the peace. The kids watch him treat you like shit..they get treated like shit..and everything gets swept under the rug because we don't want to piss daddy off. Everyone tiptoes around daddy...because daddy is a monster.
That's a terrible way to live..for anyone. I know..BTDT..many times.
[This message edited by confused615 at 1:21 PM, September 30th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
"Some of us don't see people how they are but how we need them to be".....quote from Uncertainone
If you know he is gone, and is staying gone, I say you do it all. You go to an attorney sooner than later, because most folks live in no fault states, and having an A doesn't matter one damn iota. What does matter is his ability to spend the time parenting. Unless there is documented abuse, and it usually has to be more than verbal he is likely to get 50/50, that also does not mean they will spend 50% of their time with him. THAT is negotiable.
You need your proof to tell him this is why you are kicking him out. Don't be the one to leave the home, since you are primary caregiver to the kids. Hell girl from what you said you work weekend option, and are mom the rest of the time, he's lucky that you are willing to sacrifice so much for him/family.
I say nanny cam's in his office, and your bedroom. I also say continue to lay low, and play nice. But I want you to be extra super cautious, if he is "out of town" this week you need to verify he is, and not shacking up with his AP, more than one WS has played that game.
You are strong, smart, and capable, remember that. Take care of you, and your children first and foremost, and if he continues to behave like an ass, and be verbally abusive it may be wise to get a few of those episodes on tape, for when you are discussing custody, child support, and spousal support.
FYI my WH was a total asshat to. Me during his EA. he was a whole different person. I wonder sometimes if they get stressed front the lying and cover stories and it comes out as anger.
Good luck I hope you find the proof you need. From your posts I can honestly say that you are not crazy...there is something going on, just need to figure out what.!
Whether or not OW went on the trip, while your WH is away may be the time for you to contact OW fiance
[This message edited by mchercheur at 3:03 PM, September 30th (Monday)]
We will see.
But, this really needs to stop one way or another. This is behavior that will be picked up by your children and they will start treating you like this in no time. When they grow up they will treat their SOs like this. ((((HUGS)))
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining myself by him
sending you strength.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.