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User Topic: To the AP - my ass vs you are an ass
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the 6 months since I joined this site I have tried not to stoop as far as the AP goes. I don't dig. I don't mention her overbite. I just.don't.bother. I do not call her the OW bc that would imply that we are on the same level. I am the Woman. She is the AP.

I preferred to treat her an a non-entity. She wasn't the cause of our M problems, nor was she going to provide any solution thus my reason for never contacting her. She colluded with my H to violate our M and didn't look back. Gross.

Now. Mom told me that two wrongs don't make a right. Well, what about three, Mom?

See. I saw the AP for the first time earlier this month at my H's conference. This is where their A got started three years ago. We decided to go together or not go at all. I promised him that I would not confront her. That I would never do anything to embarrass myself or him. I told myself (and many of you told me) to take the high road. And I kept my promise.

She clearly did not.

First, let me say that when I saw the AP in a pic the size of my thumbnail, I thought, "must be a bad pic." It wasn't. Then I thought, "she must be better looking from the neck down." She wasn't.

I am not going to give Cindy Crawford a run that's for darn sure but at least my ass doesn't resemble Humpty Dumpty. Yes. Her ass looks like that giant egg that caused him a great fall.

So...back to the conference. I wanted to have fun and the less I saw of her the better. But she couldn't stay away.

The first time she messed around was the last night of the conference. We walked into an after party, band was playing lots of people having fun. Her friend looks over, sees us, says something to her. She looks our way and then moments later they walk towards us. I think they will say something but they deke around my H getting close enough to brush his jacket. There were two other ways to get by us. They chose that one. Fine. Ignore her LA. Check!

Did I mention her hair? Apparently it used to be long/brown. It now looks like it should be on a member of an 80's band....Duran, Duran, Flock of Seagulls, Simple Minds. Yeah. Simple Minds seems appropro.

The second time she messes with us she "accidentally" pocket dials him on her way out of town. She is talking about karma of all things. She knows H will tell me of the call and he does. It does not cause a problem between us as she might have hoped tho. It does demonstrate to him that she can stoop. And at the very least that she still has him on speed dial. He believes this action is not beneath her.

The third wrong is apparent to me when I look at a picture of us taken with my BB by a third party while all dressed up. Guess who is in the background? Yup. AP. And not only is she in the pic, she is looking at the camera, smiling.

What a douche I say out loud. You with your bad cut, Humpty Dumpty ass and big mouth smiling at the camera.

She could have used the last almost 10 months to work on herself (or at least find an honest stylist and invest in a treadmill) but she didn't. Introspection? What's that?!

So...for all those people who have read my stuff you know this post is definitely a departure. Forgive me for my immature, mean-spirited rant. Maybe you are shaking your head. Maybe you are thinking I gave up some power to write this. Maybe I did! But I feeeeeel good James Brown.

You know the real me will be back with my positive posts, ((hugs)), Brene Brown quotes and grace in place.

For now, I am going to look in the mirror and rejoice in my curvy, well-shaped ass. While it won't give JLo any competition, it sure as hell beats Humpty Dumpty any day.

[This message edited by LA44 at 2:42 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1806 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have to drop the grace and introspection on occasion and just get snarky.

I can't believe the skank photo bombed you! That's just pathetic! You have to laugh.

Be glad you are you, and enjoy your life!

[This message edited by bionicgal at 12:26 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


me - BS (45)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"An affair is more akin to a mental illness than a relationship."

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1346 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LA, you are a class act.

Your vent is great and it doesn't bring you down one bit in the class department.

I am of the mindset that it is very healthy and understandable to vent about the AP's. How they look, whatevs. It is good to get that stuff out. Lots of times, once you put it out there, there is where it stays. It is out of you.

I can't believe Humpty Dumpty ruined your pic. How very, very pathetic. Did your H see the pic? That is unfreakingbelievable that she did that. The audacity of these AP's is mind boggling. Can you cut her out so you can save the pic of you and H, especially if it is a good one?

BTW, your post was hilarious!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:30 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8982 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LA44
Wow is she also stalking you in real life?? Just curious she sounds kinda crazy?
Glad you will be back to yourself soon!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3140 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing wrong with letting it all out occasionally...

Thanks for the laugh......


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Mar 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually think this rant was pretty healthy for you, LA. Well done.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 5861 | Registered: Jan 2011
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have to drop the grace and introspection on occasion and just get snarky.

Misson Completed BG! BTW, I wrote you a PM last week. Check already! :)


SMS, I knew you would like my post! The audacity right? The funny thing is that after we took the shot I realized that it might be possible she was in there so I had the guy take a few more with a diff background. I only looked yesterday and when I zoomed in that is when I saw her. I told H. He asked if I deleted it and I said, "no. I wanted you to see it."

heartache...I don't know if she is stalking me. I do know the first time she googled me after the "lights went out" was the first time I became "real" to her. What did she find from google other then the fact that I chaired a park build in our community? An article I wrote for a Mommy web site 24 hrs post D-Day. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me that it was even printed, my real name was under the article. I had to ask them to delete it. But I waited a week!

LA that plays nicely with others will be back soon. This is Lola - her evil twin.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1806 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LA,

Hugs!! You know I admire you and all of your upbeat quotes. I admire the grace and strength you had to face this situation head on.

It speaks volumes about you. Your WH is one lucky dude!!

I have to face a similar situation in less than 6 months. I hope I have the grace and strength you have shown.

Kudos!!


Me BS 42
Him WS 44
OW Coworker
DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl


Posts: 1299 | Registered: Jun 2012
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you stooped at all! I believe you assessed this p.o.s. realistically from your spot on the high road!

Sometimes certain people make it really hard to hold back.


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 25 and 30
2 Daughters 28, 24 And 3 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4886 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j I made some room in my PM's, LA. Thanks for the heads up. end t/j


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8982 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sounds SUPER charming.

Glad you had a good time!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6161 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
SurelyNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my goodness, you made me smile, keep your head held high, this AP ain't worth it, forget about her and concentrate on yourself, and the good job you are doing of holding it together. Most importantly DO NOT lose your sense of humour :-)

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LA, a few years ago a comedienne over here invented a new character. It was a sullen teenage girl who had everything go wrong for her. Everything. When it did, she would be mortified and humiliated but she would feign indifference, look at the camera and say in a very sullen teenage voice... "Do I look bothered??"


...and I could not help thinking of her when I visualised these events at the conference.

If ever there was someone living that character, and saying "Do I look bothered???" it is your husbands AP... and my answer would be... "Why yes! You Do!!"


That's how I see it LA. I bet seeing you with your husband, with your poise, grace, laughter, and your sexy, curvy ass...just ate her up!


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1740 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually think this rant was pretty healthy for you, LA. Well done.

Ahh Rebreather, that means a lot coming from you. I feel really really good right now! I just never talk that way about people. Never. But after last week, seeing what I saw and feeling quite sure based on her actions she isn't a remorseful AP...I felt an exception was in order!

Thanks brokensmile....we will be there for you - be sure of that!

Glad I wrote it. Glad for all of your posts.

LOLA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1806 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Classic sinsofthefather! Thanks for sharing that bit. I will have to google that act. Wouldn't it be great if I could do my own comedy bit around this? We would have to move though small town and all....

@SurelyNot - Mom/Dad have amazing sense of humour. Dad's reminds us of the late great Johnny Carson -that deadpan expression at the camera and Mom is ...well...funny stuff just happens to her and she laughs it off. w

Bad knees, great genes!

[This message edited by LA44 at 1:37 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1806 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Want To Wake Up
♀ Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgive me for my immature, mean-spirited rant.

Forgive you? Even when you 'rant' you're one class act LA♥

In fact I think that post deserves ...

[This message edited by Want To Wake Up at 2:04 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
"He didn't cheat because I wasn't enough, he cheated because HE wasn't enough"

"Unhappy marriages don't cause infidelity. Being unfaithful causes infidelity."


Posts: 455 | Registered: Mar 2011
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Loved your post


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (48) 10 years, together 15
D-Day 6.8.13
D-Day #2 9.6.13 Broken NC/TT
D-Day #3 10.23.13 "Full Disclosure"
WH having PA with MW coworker 3.13-6.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the applause (better then "the clap") WTWU.

Seriously, thank you all for your notes.

For lack of a better word, I feel real right now.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1806 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't need to apologize for this post! That's what these forums are for - to vent your emotions. Let's look at your experience at the conference from a positive angle for a moment - your performance there was a smashing success! Not only did you conduct yourself with poise and grace but that very poise and grace DROVE HER CRAAAAAAZY! Her actions are an emphatic testament to that notion. How truly pathetic she acted! Like a child desperately seeking attention. Alas, nobody paid her any. I'd keep the photo - she didn't ruin it at all. She rather memorialized the fact that you've won by assuming her rightful position - in the background, on the fringe; insignificant and forgotten. Kudos to you LA!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. I'd keep the photo - she didn't ruin it at all. She rather memorialized the fact that you've won by assuming her rightful position - in the background, on the fringe; insignificant and forgotten

That's pretty cool anewday! Thanks for writing that. I have not deleted it.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1806 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 22
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