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User Topic: Skank just sent message to me....
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i would have to see those pics. That is just me.

Me too.

I need to know the full scope of the betrayal.

How can I forgive if I don't know what I am forgiving??


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking only for myself, I would be open to any information she wanted to send to me. I say this because I have already seen dozens of naked pictures of my husband, my husband's dick in various women's mouths, plus other sex act pictures. I have already seen the kind of porn he likes, I've already seen what he wants to do, likes to do, has done. So for ME, there's just not much of a cherry left, shall we say.

I believe knowledge is power. Even in misinformation or omission, there is something to be learned.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She also asked if I wanted the naked pics of him he sent to her....

To which I would HAVE to respond, "No, I don't need his naked pictures as I get to enjoy his naked body personally. Thanks, anyway." Then I'd block her and give crickets.

She could be lying but if I said yes don't know if I could see them knowing they were to her....

What earthly good would seeing those photos do you?

What do I ask her? [/quote

Ask her nothing. If you have to ask her something then you are going on the defensive, and that is her intent - to have you second guessing.

Don't want to give her to much

Giving her anything is too much!

Don't want to encourage her.
I guess crickets would be appropriate.

Yep!


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your WH claims he never sent pics, then yes, tell her you want the proof. If he's admitted to it, trust me, you don't want to see them. It won't give you anything but a picture you'll want to forget but cant.

If you have doubts about your WH's story, then I'd probably ask your husband to make sure he's come COMPLETELY clean with you...because it's his last chance. I realize OW will lie, but sometimes there is truth to what they are saying. And if you feel you don't have it all, then maybe this is a way to get WH to confess to the rest.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 451 | Registered: Jun 2013
Painfuljourney
♀ Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I'd hear her out. Because to me even if it's lies I'd like to know what she has to say. You can't deny naked pictures if she has them he sent them to her.

I asked OW for her side of the story. I got crickets. To me knowledge is power, let me decide the truth in it all.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To which I would HAVE to respond, "No, I don't need his naked pictures as I get to enjoy his naked body personally. Thanks, anyway."

This is 'priceless'....and even better it's so true...

The skank is scrambling and any response will only feed her. But you have to decide what you want....is R going well? Are the two of you a team again? Is there anything good that can come out of you conversing with a skank? Is there some information you absolutely must have to R that only she can provide? Could this be a way the skank gets some sick satisfaction as she tosses bombs at your marriage?

Only you know what you need to be happy with your marriage and whether or not questionable testimonials from a skank can help or harm all the work you've been doing.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1686 | Registered: Mar 2010
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you need to respond. She wants a response and you did respond at first but now you're holding off. Be patient and she'll grasp for more straws trying to elicit another response and give you whatever she's got to do so.

I relish in the fact that I never responded to WBF's psycho married cousin who blew up my phone demanding I apologize to her husband for telling him and then later emailing me asking why I'm trying to destroy her family. Hairy Twatter is a bit of a drama queen and responding to her would only fuel her, not responding showed her how insignificant she is to me.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would screen shot her message and send it to her BS (if she has one)...it's a confession on her part, and if there's more to the story she thinks you should know, then that means there's more that he ought to know as well.

OW FB msg'd me in the beginning as well. I responded with a brief line...something like "good luck to you" or "best wishes" or something like that.

I think it drove her crazy that she couldn't get more of a reaction out of me.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't engage her. I am assuming you both are NC. She is being the beligerent child, if I can't get good attention I'll take any I can get.

Unless she is just trying to stir up trouble

Of course she is. Mine did the exact - I mean exact same thing - 8 mos after she sent a "really I am sorry" FB message, followed by a "what horrid people we were" Yeah I am the horrid person. She is hoping to drive a wedge, any crack of light and she will be like a cockroach skittering in the door.

As far as pics, why? Have you not seen him naked? You know what it looks like, would it look any differnt in a picture?

Just let her sit & stew & wonder - it will drive he BANANAS!!!


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
FogHater
♀ Member
Member # 33156
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alex Great response
Maybe u can keep the pics as I get to enjoy his naked body personally...
I don't want to create a monster.
She has been relatively quiet so don't want to rock the boat.
I'm not sure what to do...


I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah yes I love the response of you see his naked body.

Crickets after. Don't give her what she wants. And that is your time and attention. She wants to hurt you.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't respond AT ALL. Any response you give her will make her feel powerful and important.

Silence is the BEST message. It says:

Bitch, you don't matter. Go away.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Broken1Again
♀ Member
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok I know I might be in the minority here but if you were going to respond the only response I would give her is "I know he told me." So if she wants to send you pics the only response worth saying is "no that's ok he all ready showed me." Why? Because it is soooooo obvious she is trying to get under your skin. She feels used by your WS and now he's got to pay through you. You are innocent in this but yet you have to deal with both of them????? HELL NO!

My strong advice is do not reply. Crickets. There really is a reason they say "silence is golden" I know you want to respond but the reality is you can't trust anything she says. Picture that yes they have done the nasty and yes he has sent her naked pics of himself. But that is now between you and him. Anything she has to offer is just to set you up to hurt. If I honestly thought she was doing this because she didn't want to see you hurt anymore by the man you married then id say contact her, but her throwing naked photos of your WS in your face = self absorbed bitch.

Write out your best response to her; post it here for a sense of closing that door but to her only crickets!


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 861 | Registered: May 2011
integritymatters
♀ Member
Member # 23681
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has been relatively quiet so don't want to rock the boat.
I'm not sure what to do...

Some invaluable words of wisdom I learned from IC. If you don't know what to do, do nothing.

Pattern interruption.

Action + Reaction = Outcome.

AP has sent an Action based upon an expected/known Reaction for the purpose of achieving a desired Outcome. You actually are in control of the outcome not in the sense that you can "make" it something but rather in the sense that you can make it "unintended" by chosing an unexpected Reaction. In otherwords, not what the "Action" person intended.

Do the opposite that she would normally expect to receive, and my instinct is, given her "baiting"...Crickets are what is unexpected.

I'm also guessing she won't be happy with crickets and may actually get worse. No matter, as long as she receives no response and continues to dig a deeper hole of harrassment she will either hang herself of give up from fear of that.

There is no setting her straight. Not a psycho skank who is still contacting you this long after the end of their infidelity.

Leave her to grab her own rope if that's what she wants.


I dropped my toast this morning and it landed butter side up! It's going to be a good day. :)

Posts: 1482 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Canada
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You don't know the whole truth"

Personally, I would reply with a shrug, a smile and a 'such is the human lot'.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5101 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have read it, taken a screen shot of it for posterity or proof if things go to the point of my needing an attorney's advice, and I would have looked at the photos too (download or screen shot), but that's just me.

THEN I would have ignored her...just because it would make her cra-cra!

Think of it...she's expecting a reaction, and when she doesn't get one from you, it will frustrate her all the more!

[This message edited by Hope2B at 3:05 AM, September 27th (Friday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 356 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
blessedbyluck
♀ New Member
Member # 37525
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore her. Even if she gave you emails who's to say she didn't cut and paste the email address and type in what she wanted you to believe. I am not going to lie when i was still in the fog doing that crossed my mind. I didn't do it simply because i wanted it all to be over, him to be outta my life and his wife to heal as well as my own husband. I am not a good lier anyhow. Just thought i would throw that idea out. Unless you saw the email in his box don't believe it because it could of been "fixed" to her benifit if she prints it and gives it to you or emails it to you.


Me: fww 39
Him: bh 50
together 19 years
married 17 years
dday 8/2003
two beautiful kiddos

Posts: 50 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: blessedbyluck
ShedSomeLight
♀ Member
Member # 40212
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please be careful. I have been stalked by the woman he had an affair with and it is scarey. I still have a pending court case. I received hundreds of blocked calls, emails, and even a package of sexual email correspondence that they had during the affair. We are trying to save our relationship and she started stalking me because he was pulling away. I know that you probably want to know what she has to say, but if she wants him back...,most of it will be lies and she probably wants to hurt you. I was silenced by the Police and asked to turn over all emails...etc to them so they could continue to build there case. I would block her. My stalking started on Facebook and then just got worse. Just be safe.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Aug 2013
PricklePatch
♀ Member
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's crickets or what's the truth you had an affair with a married man, he had an affair with skank whose ass he filled with smoke. Move on I have! Any further contact an it will be considered harassment and we will contact the authorities.


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 293 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
vivere
♀ Member
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would find it difficult to do but I would recommend ignoring her.

Whatever she has to say is always going to be questionable in your mind. What motivation does she have for telling you the truth?


You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 44
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