Topic: Skank just sent message to me....
|Getting to Happy|
Member # 35200
| Posted: 12:05 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
i would have to see those pics. That is just me.
I need to know the full scope of the betrayal.
How can I forgive if I don't know what I am forgiving??
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Posts: 1090 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 32554
| Posted: 12:05 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Speaking only for myself, I would be open to any information she wanted to send to me. I say this because I have already seen dozens of naked pictures of my husband, my husband's dick in various women's mouths, plus other sex act pictures. I have already seen the kind of porn he likes, I've already seen what he wants to do, likes to do, has done. So for ME, there's just not much of a cherry left, shall we say.
I believe knowledge is power. Even in misinformation or omission, there is something to be learned.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
Posts: 8403 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 33438
| Posted: 12:09 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
She also asked if I wanted the naked pics of him he sent to her....
To which I would HAVE to respond, "No, I don't need his naked pictures as I get to enjoy his naked body personally. Thanks, anyway." Then I'd block her and give crickets.
She could be lying but if I said yes don't know if I could see them knowing they were to her....
What earthly good would seeing those photos do you?
What do I ask her? [/quote
Ask her nothing. If you have to ask her something then you are going on the defensive, and that is her intent - to have you second guessing.
Don't want to give her to much
Giving her anything is too much!
Don't want to encourage her.
I guess crickets would be appropriate.
------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt
Posts: 323 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Member # 39652
| Posted: 12:16 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
If your WH claims he never sent pics, then yes, tell her you want the proof. If he's admitted to it, trust me, you don't want to see them. It won't give you anything but a picture you'll want to forget but cant.
If you have doubts about your WH's story, then I'd probably ask your husband to make sure he's come COMPLETELY clean with you...because it's his last chance. I realize OW will lie, but sometimes there is truth to what they are saying. And if you feel you don't have it all, then maybe this is a way to get WH to confess to the rest.
Me: BGF (46), on the fence
Him: WBF (much younger than me), not sure he's the man he thinks he is.
I loved you for who I thought you were. Since he doesn't exist, who the hell am I'm sleeping with?
Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40208
| Posted: 12:19 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Honestly, I'd hear her out. Because to me even if it's lies I'd like to know what she has to say. You can't deny naked pictures if she has them he sent them to her.
I asked OW for her side of the story. I got crickets. To me knowledge is power, let me decide the truth in it all.
BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10
Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Member # 27968
| Posted: 12:54 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
To which I would HAVE to respond, "No, I don't need his naked pictures as I get to enjoy his naked body personally. Thanks, anyway."
This is 'priceless'....and even better it's so true...
The skank is scrambling and any response will only feed her. But you have to decide what you want....is R going well? Are the two of you a team again? Is there anything good that can come out of you conversing with a skank? Is there some information you absolutely must have to R that only she can provide? Could this be a way the skank gets some sick satisfaction as she tosses bombs at your marriage?
Only you know what you need to be happy with your marriage and whether or not questionable testimonials from a skank can help or harm all the work you've been doing.
BS Me 61
WS Him 62
The future looks good....
Posts: 1560 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 40437
| Posted: 1:08 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
I don't think you need to respond. She wants a response and you did respond at first but now you're holding off. Be patient and she'll grasp for more straws trying to elicit another response and give you whatever she's got to do so.
I relish in the fact that I never responded to WBF's psycho married cousin who blew up my phone demanding I apologize to her husband for telling him and then later emailing me asking why I'm trying to destroy her family. Hairy Twatter is a bit of a drama queen and responding to her would only fuel her, not responding showed her how insignificant she is to me.
Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 39858
| Posted: 1:14 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
I would screen shot her message and send it to her BS (if she has one)...it's a confession on her part, and if there's more to the story she thinks you should know, then that means there's more that he ought to know as well.
OW FB msg'd me in the beginning as well. I responded with a brief line...something like "good luck to you" or "best wishes" or something like that.
I think it drove her crazy that she couldn't get more of a reaction out of me.
BW - 41 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.
Posts: 247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 33732
| Posted: 1:22 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Don't engage her. I am assuming you both are NC. She is being the beligerent child, if I can't get good attention I'll take any I can get.
Unless she is just trying to stir up trouble
Of course she is. Mine did the exact - I mean exact same thing - 8 mos after she sent a "really I am sorry" FB message, followed by a "what horrid people we were" Yeah I am the horrid person. She is hoping to drive a wedge, any crack of light and she will be like a cockroach skittering in the door.
As far as pics, why? Have you not seen him naked? You know what it looks like, would it look any differnt in a picture?
Just let her sit & stew & wonder - it will drive he BANANAS!!!
ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R
Posts: 910 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Member # 33156
| Posted: 4:10 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Alex Great response
Maybe u can keep the pics as I get to enjoy his naked body personally...
I don't want to create a monster.
She has been relatively quiet so don't want to rock the boat.
I'm not sure what to do...
I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing
Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois
Member # 38116
| Posted: 5:01 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Ah yes I love the response of you see his naked body.
Crickets after. Don't give her what she wants. And that is your time and attention. She wants to hurt you.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 20547
| Posted: 9:33 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Don't respond AT ALL. Any response you give her will make her feel powerful and important.
Silence is the BEST message. It says:
Bitch, you don't matter. Go away.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell
Posts: 1911 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 32211
| Posted: 10:46 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013|
Ok I know I might be in the minority here but if you were going to respond the only response I would give her is "I know he told me." So if she wants to send you pics the only response worth saying is "no that's ok he all ready showed me." Why? Because it is soooooo obvious she is trying to get under your skin. She feels used by your WS and now he's got to pay through you. You are innocent in this but yet you have to deal with both of them????? HELL NO!
My strong advice is do not reply. Crickets. There really is a reason they say "silence is golden" I know you want to respond but the reality is you can't trust anything she says. Picture that yes they have done the nasty and yes he has sent her naked pics of himself. But that is now between you and him. Anything she has to offer is just to set you up to hurt. If I honestly thought she was doing this because she didn't want to see you hurt anymore by the man you married then id say contact her, but her throwing naked photos of your WS in your face = self absorbed bitch.
Write out your best response to her; post it here for a sense of closing that door but to her only crickets!
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
Posts: 822 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 23681
| Posted: 12:08 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
She has been relatively quiet so don't want to rock the boat.
I'm not sure what to do...
Some invaluable words of wisdom I learned from IC. If you don't know what to do, do nothing.
Action + Reaction = Outcome.
AP has sent an Action based upon an expected/known Reaction for the purpose of achieving a desired Outcome. You actually are in control of the outcome not in the sense that you can "make" it something but rather in the sense that you can make it "unintended" by chosing an unexpected Reaction. In otherwords, not what the "Action" person intended.
Do the opposite that she would normally expect to receive, and my instinct is, given her "baiting"...Crickets are what is unexpected.
I'm also guessing she won't be happy with crickets and may actually get worse. No matter, as long as she receives no response and continues to dig a deeper hole of harrassment she will either hang herself of give up from fear of that.
There is no setting her straight. Not a psycho skank who is still contacting you this long after the end of their infidelity.
Leave her to grab her own rope if that's what she wants.
I dropped my toast this morning and it landed butter side up! It's going to be a good day. :)
Posts: 1482 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 26133
| Posted: 2:43 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
"You don't know the whole truth"
Personally, I would reply with a shrug, a smile and a 'such is the human lot'.
Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.
Posts: 4927 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Member # 40474
| Posted: 3:05 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
I would have read it, taken a screen shot of it for posterity or proof if things go to the point of my needing an attorney's advice, and I would have looked at the photos too (download or screen shot), but that's just me.
THEN I would have ignored her...just because it would make her cra-cra!
Think of it...she's expecting a reaction, and when she doesn't get one from you, it will frustrate her all the more!
[This message edited by Hope2B at 3:05 AM, September 27th (Friday)]
Me: early 60s
Him: 64 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo
Posts: 256 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
♀ New Member
Member # 37525
| Posted: 6:29 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
Ignore her. Even if she gave you emails who's to say she didn't cut and paste the email address and type in what she wanted you to believe. I am not going to lie when i was still in the fog doing that crossed my mind. I didn't do it simply because i wanted it all to be over, him to be outta my life and his wife to heal as well as my own husband. I am not a good lier anyhow. Just thought i would throw that idea out. Unless you saw the email in his box don't believe it because it could of been "fixed" to her benifit if she prints it and gives it to you or emails it to you.
Me: fww 39
Him: bh 50
together 19 years
married 17 years
two beautiful kiddos
Posts: 50 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: blessedbyluck
Member # 40212
| Posted: 6:56 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
Please be careful. I have been stalked by the woman he had an affair with and it is scarey. I still have a pending court case. I received hundreds of blocked calls, emails, and even a package of sexual email correspondence that they had during the affair. We are trying to save our relationship and she started stalking me because he was pulling away. I know that you probably want to know what she has to say, but if she wants him back...,most of it will be lies and she probably wants to hurt you. I was silenced by the Police and asked to turn over all emails...etc to them so they could continue to build there case. I would block her. My stalking started on Facebook and then just got worse. Just be safe.
Posts: 69 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 34041
| Posted: 7:18 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
I think it's crickets or what's the truth you had an affair with a married man, he had an affair with skank whose ass he filled with smoke. Move on I have! Any further contact an it will be considered harassment and we will contact the authorities.
sorry post on my tablet
Posts: 237 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
Member # 34465
| Posted: 7:45 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013|
I would find it difficult to do but I would recommend ignoring her.
Whatever she has to say is always going to be questionable in your mind. What motivation does she have for telling you the truth?
You are responsible for your own happiness :)
Posts: 283 | Registered: Jan 2012
|Topic Posts: 44|