So I got a text today. My brother's boss ran into my STBX at a trade show. The sales person associated with that account observed the awkward exchange between STBX and brother's boss. The text I got said something like : "sales person said he/she has a story about me? From brothers boss. What did you do?" STBX works for a faith based company. Infidelity may mean trouble for her. I texted back : 'No matter what kind of ass hole or monster you need me to be in your mind to justify your bullshit actions you know I would never jeapordize your career.'
So I made some calls. The sales person smells a rat. My brother and his boss are quiet. No reality has penetrated STBX's world. It serves me no purpose to out her to her boss and family. She has told them our marriage is over. No details though. How does one tell one's mother or boss that they are fucking another guy? She will not confront that question and its none of my business now.
The reason I don't out her and shame her is that I need her income to pay the mortgage every month. Once we sell the house my attitude may change. Or if she starts to make things complicated I have that trump card. For now, fair and honorable. For me. For ease and cost.
Fun to think about her stressing over it though.
For now, fair and honorable
Nope, not even close and you know it.
For ease and cost.
Yep, and totally understand.
Fun to think about her stressing over it though
Once we sell the house my attitude may change. Or if she starts to make things complicated I have that trump card.
I think its smart to protect your interests here.
When the time comes you may find you don't care enough to out her anyway. Karma feels so much better when you have no hand in it.
A word of caution though, it is likely her dirty little secret will come out through no action of ours - very often they out themselves. I hope you have a plan B in case that happens.
A word of caution though; I really do believe that we are only as healthy as our secrets. Keeping my hasband's affair a secret for many years, ended up taking a huge toll on me. My mental healthy suffered. My physical health went downhill; I went from being a healthy person, to a person 50+lbs overweight (and that's a whole other story), with high blood pressure, and ulcers. My therapist helped me to realize that my marriage (and secret keeping) could cost me my life. I had uncontroled and very high BP.
The way I look at it now is that I have given up my roll as the keeper of the secrets. If I want to and feel like it, I tell people that my Christian hasband had a long term affair. Don't get me wrong...I'm not vindictive and I don't just blab it all over. But I am free from feeling like I have to keep my mouth shut. And that is so freeing! You see, what his secrets did was keep me from getting the support I needed. You can't get support if you don't tell anyone what you're going through. So, I guess what I'm saying, is be careful. If you feel like keeping the secret is too costly for you, you may have to rethink things.
Just my 2-cents. ~L
but we're in the back seat with an unknown driver going 100 mph.
Even worse-the driver is your beloved trusted spouse
I have given up my roll as the keeper of the secrets.
That's one of the main reasons I told the OW BS. I was not going to enable them!
The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed
It's their train of thought. They change and will blame you. Don't fall for it and do what you feel is right. You know the answer within.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley