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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Benefits of NC - Is This How It Happens?
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Happy  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm kind of loathe to post this in case it jinxes me but here goes.

The sad clown has been largely invisible which is awesome. He finally got the memo that we're all out of ego kibbles over here.

We recently had an email exchange about Christmas holidays. He asked me what my thoughts were and I went back with a proposal that was fair and equitable to both of us and only included 2 in-person handovers.

He came back with a weird schedule that involved 3 in-person handovers in the 3 days of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day and a 4th in-person handover on New Years. Highly disruptive to the girls but our agreement says if we can't agree then he gets the first week which would mean I'd have to agree to his suggestion if he decided to insist on it due to the other part of our agreement about alternating Christmas Day each year.

I asked him to reconsider and pointed out the 3 handovers and how disruptive it would be for the girls. I also set out both of our suggested dates with the number of days we get with them in brackets next to the dates to compare them directly. I didn't have much hope and would not have pushed it further if he rejected it TBH.

I should mention in this email exchange there was also the disagreement about my little one's birthday (I posted about it). He was jabbing and goading me by being obtuse about the birthday clause but I didn't bite and ended the discussion with a generic "we seem to have differing interpretations, please direct all further queries about this birthday to your L". He dropped the issue but I thought he would be a fuckwit on the Christmas holiday issue.

Lo and behold he agreed to go with my schedule. It was patently better for everyone involved but I was surprised and thrilled that he wasn't being a fuckwit for a nanosecond.

Again - I don't want to jinx it but it looks like NC has worked in ways I didn't expect. He has finally run out of puff.

Famous last words? I'm sure he'll irritate me again in the next 15 years but for now I'm going to sit in my little bubble of ignorance and hope that this is how it will be from now on.

My question: Is this how it happens? Or am I so not used to dealing with a rational human being that I've gone giddy from potentially interacting with one?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no idea if this is how it goes...but I'm hoping yes for you.

But I think I better throw in a FTG...just in case.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4658 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

isnt it sad how 'normal' behaviour is such a novelty!

Enjoy it while it lasts.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 740 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTG for sure - he's still a lower muppet, just a little less noisy.

I will enjoy it while it lasts! I must have forgotten that common decency usually means some sort of fuckery is a-coming!

Long may the invisibility continue.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When they are nice, they usually want something.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
MyReturn2Me
♀ Member
Member # 34352
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When they are nice, they usually want something.


Me: BS 51 and Freaking AWESOME!
Him: Who the fuck cares........

Posts: 259 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Puget Sound
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He finally got the memo that we're all out of ego kibbles over here.
This is a big part of it.

I noticed that when I stayed consistent in not taking XWH's bait, his attempts at baiting me died down, followed by periods of civility bordering on friendly.
Unfortunately, those "civil" periods got twisted in his head as "since she's not ignoring me, it must mean we're friends", which starts another bait cycle.

Just keep ignoring (or maintaining a level of civility). It'll come and go (especially if he wants something).


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6462 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just said this to another friend the other day, but take the wins where you get them - just don't use them as a standard for your expectations going forward.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that I think of it he has been nauseatingly friendly of late.

"Would you like me to pay for half of DD3s daycare party?"

"DD5 told me you're taking them overseas. I am happy to arrange passports given I have their birth cetificates." Wrong - I'd have to get his permission anyway.

No thanks to both.

There must be some fuckery coming my way. I hope it's D papers. That's the kind of fuckery I like!

Meh. There's not really anything he could do that would touch me at this stage. It's all been done.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 2:47 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5582 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is how mine usually does it:

He tries to bait me. I don't bite.

He pushes some obvious buttons. I don't bite.

He starts to get frantic and hysterical and really amps up the bullying. I don't respond.

He gives up and goes away. Until the next time.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3366 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, this is a pattern of X, too...I think of it like an ebb and flow.

What I'm learning is, to enjoy the "sound of silence" because it means he's busy with OW and the alternate universe.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 11

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