Hit submit too soon.
I can only tell you what I wish for from my h at this time and I am not even sure how much it will help as this is my first experience, thankfully, of trying to deal with it.
It would help me if he knew the dates, or if he didn't he would ask me.
It would help for me to hear over and over that he understands my pain and the feelings that it brings up in me.
It would help to hear, I am sorry that I chose to, fill in the blank.
I will never do this again.
Appreciation for the "gift" of R. Recognition for the struggle it is to try to R. For me many times I feel as if I am fighting my gut to run from the source of my pain, my h. I want to R with him so much, I can see what an authentic, intimate marriage could be between us and I still have feelings of betraying myself. Inner conflict, caused by fear?
Do things for me, make my life a bit easier, practical things, laundry, chores, dinner, anything to lighten the load, especially things you have never normally done.
Bring up the tough topics, on your own, without prompting, not just "how are you feeling" but express what you feel now about your actions. Express the contrast about how you felt/thought "then" vs how you think/feel now.
Talk about the questions you ask yourself. It shows you are working on yourself, working to understand why you made these choices and then in the future prevent ever making these choices again.
Be patient, be kind, please don't be harsh. Treat me as if I am made of a fine silk, touch, caress, but so very gently, it can be damaged so easily.
React kindly, always remembering that even when she may seem angry, she is really expressing pain. Pain that you caused. Remember that in spite of this pain that you caused she is choosing to love you. Choosing to give you the opportunity to prove who you can be, in spite of the past events that showed so clearly who you were capable of being.
I don't know if this is helpful, I can only express what would give me comfort.
Good luck. Wishing some peace to all of us struggling through this pain.Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie