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Newest Member: FeebleHercules (44938)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Really Found Out!
BLINDSIDEAGAIN
♀ New Member
Member # 40757
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear all

Am happy to be a new member of this forum and sad about the state of affairs in my marriage. Here's my story:
We've been married for 18yrs, with 2 young boys Our marriage was under a lot of strain for most part of 2002/2003. In 2004,I found out about WS affair with OW who lives in the same city as WS mother. His visits to that city were supposed to be to his mom & other family members only!. I confronted him with proof of emails, he tried to deny & then confessed with remorse and all that! I called the OW & told her he was married so leave him alone. She did not know then that he was married. My trust for him was never the same but I tried hard to move on.
I continued to search through his things for clues and we continued to drift further apart. Didnt see anything until 2006 when i saw piece of paper with the same OW address in his car.
I asked, he said it was nothing. His visits to the OW city stopped except once in a while to see his mom or bring his mom to visit us.Our relationship started to improve.
Fast foward 2012, i found txt msgs on his phone with same OW talking about a baby!
I called the OW again to warn her & she quickly changed her phone # after that.
I confronted & he denied there was any baby involved.
We went to marriage counselling & he decided we stop b'cos "no one can solve our problems but ourselves" He made me feel like i was crazy & did not know what I was talking about. After that his phone was locked with password cos he said I was invading his privacy.
3wks ago I was going through his computer & saw a picture of the OW & a baby who looked exactly like him & about 1.5 to 2yrs old! I flipped! My whole body was shaking & I couldnt control my tears! He confessed & claimed it was a big mistake that will hunt him forever!
My trust is out the window, I can't focus on anything, we've talked a few times. He said we should try to work things out but my pain is driving me nuts! I want to hurt him & the OW so they can physically feel the extent of my pain. I called her again, got her older sister on the phone & she claimed she knew my H but did not know he was married! lie!!
Well my talks with him has not relieved my pain & am planing to seek a divorce cos I don't believe I can live with this situation.
I know my children will be gravely affected as they are so close with H but at this point I don't see any better option for my sanity.I have no one to confide in & I continue to cry to sleep most nights.
Thanks
PS: Please note that I needed to add crucial info that was left out from my story above:
When my H & I started drifting apart in 2004, I travelled to visit family & met an old boyfriend, we had a great relationship during my visit, he gave me all what I was missing in my marriage. My H never crossed my mind at the time & he never found out.
I felt justified cos I was looking for happiness & it was missing in our marriage at the time. However I did not go ahead to have a child with old boyfriend.
H & I talked last nite, he said we should try counselling which he was previously opposed to. Where does this leave me?

[This message edited by BLINDSIDEAGAIN at 12:23 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2 | Registered: Sep 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 12:50 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you have found yourself here. A place no one ever thought they'd be.

First, know that this is a safe place. A place of kind and compassionate people who truly care about you.

This is a great shock to you mind, body and soul. It is devastating. Allow yourself to grieve and feel every emotion that you feel.

I am sorry your WH has put you and your family in this place. I truly am.

Just clarifying - is the baby his?

Take one day and step at a time and know that you can and will make it through the other side, one way or another. It just takes a lot of time and pain.

Good luck. Prayers and hugs.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1143 | Registered: Apr 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you are here, and that your H repeatedly abused your trust.

You will find a wealth of knowledge here.

You really need to focus on your kids, and yourself. First and foremost, you need to seek an attorney, and file for CS. If he really is this baby's daddy then she is eligible for CS as well, however he who files first gets the lions share.

Next you need to take care of you. Eat, Sleep, stay hydrated, if you can't seem to be able to manage this then see your Dr. This is devastating, on the same level of grief as dealing with the death of a loved one. It's ok to need some help through this.
The next thing you need to do is reach out to all family and friends and get their support, and help through this.

File for D. Even if he manages to pull his head from his rear, he has proven narcissistic tendencies, that will only result in more hurt for you should you try to stay with him. Many children survive divorce, and survive it well, it's much better for kids to see their mom as a strong independnent person than a doormat.

Keep posting, keep asking questions, and keep reading. Up on the left side of your screen is the healing library. Tons of good info in there.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8506 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Angry  Posted: 2:13 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I'm SOOOO sorry that you are going through this and to have an innocent baby involved is just tragic. How old are your children? Depending on their ages, it's going to be tough. But girl, PROTECT yourself and get into court NOW and file for separation and child support. I can't even imagine how hurtful that would be and just ache for your heart.

But your a strong woman, you are my champion and you can do this! Whenever you need come here and vent vent vent. You are not alone, most of what your experiencing is normal and we've all been there.

One last word of advice, get in counseling for YOURSELF. You will most likely need to add your children in as this progresses, the best of luck to you. And EAT!

hugs......


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
BLINDSIDEAGAIN
♀ New Member
Member # 40757
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all who have replied me so quickly, I was looking forward to it.
My boys are 13 & 6 & yes the baby is confirmed to be his.
I am going to discuss divorce with H today. I also want to direct some of my anger to the OW because she knew he was married after I told her the first time 10yrs ago! so how does she go ahead & have a child for him just less than 2yrs ago??
I feel physically weak from pain,anger,hurt!
No appetite nor sleep.
I had some appointments with marriage counselor, after I found out.I went for one appointment & i keep postponing my follow up appointments. I just don't know what to do

Posts: 2 | Registered: Sep 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What you do is focus on yourself and your children. The OW is an immaterial POS and frankly, owes you no loyalty. The person who owed you loyalty is your WH.

You also see that lawyer ASAP and file for the CS due to you, as well as SS (Spousal Support). Do this quickly BEFORE the POS OW does because you want YOUR children to be protected. If she files first, YOUR children will fall next in line AFTER hers. Do Not Let This Happen.

This is a horrible, horrible situation. It really is. In the "I Can Relate" forum there is a thread for people who have an OC (other child) situation like yours. You may find some good support there.

He confessed & claimed it was a big mistake that will hunt him forever

Wrong. This was a big DECISION that he made that WILL haunt him hopefully forever. A mistake is an oopsie, putting one brown and one black sock on, in the dark. What he did was to DECIDE to betray you. He didn't accidently fall, with his pants around his knees, and land penis-first into a waiting VJJ he decided to screw her and made it happen by planning and lies. Don't ever let him denigrate the enormity of what he did when he DECIDED to betray you with another woman. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You also see that lawyer ASAP and file for the CS due to you, as well as SS (Spousal Support). Do this quickly BEFORE the POS OW does because you want YOUR children to be protected. If she files first, YOUR children will fall next in line AFTER hers. Do Not Let This Happen.

^^^^This^^^^^

I was going to tell you the same thing. Even if you're not positive you want a divorce, file for Child Support tomorrow!!!! You need to protect your children above all else.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1137 | Registered: Jul 2012
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW is an immaterial POS and frankly, owes you no loyalty. The person who owed you loyalty is your WH.
I disagree. I believe most of the filthy piece of garbage OWs like her get pregnant on purpose in hopes of further trapping her "married man." Not saying the WS isn't just as stupid.

Blindesideagain, You are the one who has to decide what to do, but I personally know I could not live with that and I would divorce him. But that does not mean I would ever say that the filthy homewrecking whores out there "don't owe us" anything. They owe human decency to the human race, and they don't live up to that at all.


Posts: 5741 | Registered: Apr 2006
Topic Posts: 8

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