True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
As for me, I feel more romantic love than I did in the years right before the affair, which is weird, of course. But is that more real than the warm, comfortable love, the steadfast love, the "for poorer, and in sickness" love?
I edit, therefore I am.
BUT I do not feel the in love feeling,
Fwiw, me either. He is so much better now. But I still do not feel safe. Don't know if I ever will.
I chose to live with love again. And I am in love with my FWH. Knowing that he can hurt me (and I him), and that I could walk away if I needed to, I chose to take the risk of loving again.
It took over a year, though. It wasn't even potentially possible until all of the above had happened, and enough time had occurred that I could choose this path.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Being very, very careful
D-day 14 June 2013
I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!
It has felt SO good to reignite. To be given the gift of us, through, in large part, my BW's love and forgiveness. I've got my part to do, and lots of it. But I'm inspired and excited for the "work".
At the end of the week we sat down face to face and read them to each other.
I carry a copy of both list with me everywhere I go. There have been many unsure or insecure moments where I have pulled them out and read them.
For us, he had to get there before I did. I just couldn't go there, until I was convinced that not only had he fallen deeply in love with me again, but had re-discovered the fact that all he ever wanted was right there in front of him all along. I had to believe that, plus come to a place of acceptance that yes, indeed, this had happened. The fact of his betrayal was never going to change, and I had to accept that. And accept that I either had to move on, or choose to stay frozen in one place. MY choice.
I chose to live with love again. And I am in love with my FWH. Knowing that he can hurt me (and I him), and that I could walk away if I needed to, I chose to take the risk of loving again
This is exactly where I am right now. I am in love and ready to take the risks that come with that. I truly believe he understands the effect his A had on us and me, and he's willing to do whatever he needs to do no matter how uncomfortable to make me feel safe again. We have also committed to courting each other again, and that has made a big difference in how we interact.
Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9