I feel extremely frustrated with him when he reacts this way. I do feel less frustrated than I used to, though (pre-A). I've come a long way in accepting that it's his personality and even though it's the polar opposite of mine, I didn't get into a relationship with a clone of myself, I got into one with him. At the end of the day, I need to accept him for who he is. He's not likely to change after 40+ years of it.
I deal with it mostly by dropping the subject, whichever one it may be at the time. Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
Married 2.5 years
Remarried. Reconciliation is a process and I still struggle.