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User Topic: Co-parenting with a muppet need advice please!
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Wednesday my DS7 came home and told me he was pushed by a boy in his class. I asked him some more questions about it. Apparently he told one of the boys in his class that he loved him and he was his best friend and hoped they would stay friends forever. The boy pushed DS into a table and DS started to cry because it hurt him (his feelings and the table hit his neck). 2 girls went and told on the boy and cheered my son up.

Not that this makes any difference... My son is not showing signs or tendencies towards being gay. Matter of fact lots of girls really like him. He is very sensitive and protective of girls. He stands up for them. I think a lot of this has to do with his young age and his father being a cheating bastard who abandoned me.

Anyways I asked him how it all made him feel and what happened next. He said it made him sad but forgave his friend. The two of them are okay now.

I thought it was a good idea to let exwh know what happened so DS so could get some extra comfort.... Boy was that a wrong move!!!

Typical muppet style, lower muppet at that, toward DS that the boy pushed him because what he said (yep he blamed OUR son for being assaulted) and that DS said something that guys don't tell other guys. WTF!!!

During false R exwh was talking about how his dad never said he loved him and how he was never allowed to express emotions.... Hello! Mick fly! You are doing the same exact thing to your son... Congratulations you have officially turned into your father....

Actually he is a lot worse than his dad but I know saying that will never change things.

So my question is... Should I just let exwh continue to say stupid and hurtful things to our children or should I bring up the fact that he just blamed his own son for getting hurt and that there's nothing wrong with what he said.

Exwh is VERY ignorant when it come to child rearing... Whore (although human mattress is starting to grow on me) doesn't have any kids so she is just as totally clueless as him.

Do give you an idea of he stupid he is: he was concerned our 3 year old girl is autistic because she doesn't respond to him SOMETIMES. She is sooooo social that everyone in her daycare knows here and talk to her. That's 7 or 8 class rooms. I have seen different parts of the spectrum autism and she is nowhere close.

Then last year he asked the doctor why her hair wasn't growing. Mind you he has seen pictures of me as a child. DD is blonde. Hair doesn't grow quickly. The doctor very calmly told him that most Caucasian children don't have much hair and that she would eventually have some.

[This message edited by courageous at 11:01 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 641 | Registered: Jan 2012
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awh...your poor DS. :( I hope he's ok.

My thoughts are you can't co-parent with a lower muppet. I stopped trying a long time ago. I don't talk to xwh. Hardly ever. About anything. I communicate things like pick up/drop off times and that is pretty much it. He is an ignorant ass and I wouldn't trust him to have an intelligent conversation with my DS. If it were me, I wouldn't have told my ex what happened and I most certainly wouldn't bring up anything with him now because if your ex is anything like my xh, he will do exactly what I don't want him to do just to try to piss me off. I don't give him that satisfaction of knowing what pisses me off anymore. I would just tell DS as much as you can that he was not wrong and that it is ok to express his feelings, etc. You can't co-parent with a lower muppet. They are just too damn stupid.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a grain of truth in what your X said, though. In our culture men don't express affection like that. If you don't teach your son how to navigate this very real landscape you're just setting him up to be ridiculed & bullied.

There are ways to teach kids these kind of dualities. Seven is old enough to understand the difference between what you say to family members and what you say to anyone else.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh! Please don't insult Muppets like that, even the lower ones. At least lower muppets can only say 'Meep' and can't say stupid things like that to their kids.

Sounds like your DS is wise beyond his years, forgiving his friend. That should make it easy to explain to him that everyone makes mistakes, even (especially) XWH. Your kids are lucky to have you.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1659 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At least lower muppets can only say 'Meep' and can't say stupid things like that to their kids.

hahahahahaha!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awh...your poor DS. :( I hope he's ok.

He's doing fine and has bounced back fairly quickly.

There are ways to teach kids these kind of dualities. Seven is old enough to understand the difference between what you say to family members and what you say to anyone else.

I was thinking about that. I really want to do it in a way that he doesn't feel bad. I was thinking about saying that there are different kinds of love in life...the way you love your parents, love food or love weekends. And then there is the kind of love between a mommy and daddy or husband and wife. I would also explain that there is a kind of love between friends that is brotherly or sisterly love but most kids don't understand the word "love" like that and to make it easier for them to understand what DS is trying to say by using the word like instead. Then I would tell him that I'm very proud of him for expressing his feelings so well and that he is advanced beyond his years.

Ugh! Please don't insult Muppets like that, even the lower ones. At least lower muppets can only say 'Meep' and can't say stupid things like that to their kids.

thanks for the laugh and I'm sorry for insulting all those muppets out there.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 641 | Registered: Jan 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking about that. I really want to do it in a way that he doesn't feel bad. I was thinking about saying that there are different kinds of love in life...the way you love your parents, love food or love weekends. And then there is the kind of love between a mommy and daddy or husband and wife. I would also explain that there is a kind of love between friends that is brotherly or sisterly love but most kids don't understand the word "love" like that and to make it easier for them to understand what DS is trying to say by using the word like instead. Then I would tell him that I'm very proud of him for expressing his feelings so well and that he is advanced beyond his years.

This sounds great!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no co-parenting with a muppet - only re-parenting.

You have learned you can't count on him to explain life to your son without making your son feel bad about himself. You are the only parent he needs. The other parent couldn't parent a lint ball that dropped from the muppet.

Hugs for you and your son.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Echoing all of the others. Co-parenting is not a possibility so re-parenting/parallel parenting is as good as it gets.

You won't get anywhere trying to deal with X - deal directly with your son.

I don't have boys but I think its awful that a sweet 7 year old is being exposed to this kind of backward thinking by 'society'.

He told him he loved him - I don't see anything wrong with that. There is something seriously wrong with that other boys' OTT reaction.

I don't think a 7 year old girl would be judged like this in the same situation.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
noglamour
♂ Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son is almost 7 and I can see him acting like that. He is not rough and rowdy like other boys.

That other kid had no right to do that no matter what your son said.

I will always love my son no matter what, whoever he is or preferences.

I pick up my son from school every day, so I would probably stare the other kid down and let him know he's next.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. I pick up my son from school every day, so I would probably stare the other kid down and let him know he's next.

Uhm, wow ... Are you serious? You are talking about staring down and intimidating a seven year old kid???

Get a grip. As a mother I find that disgusting, and absolutely worse than what that same little boy did to courageous's little boy.

That kid learned that behavior from someone else. Is it his fault he has been taught boys can't love boys, or that physical violence is the answer to an uncomfortable situation?

Sadly, while I'd like to say the incident is surprising, it really isn't. Society has definite expectations about what behaviors are allowed by each gender, sadly. I'm sad for y our boy courageous, but it looks like you have handled this well and you are raising a sensitive and loving young man.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3557 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had to have the "love vs like" discussion with my kids. I used the example of the Greek language which has three different ways to say 'love.' One means 'love of God (adoration)', another 'brotherly love', and the last is 'romantic love.' I told my kids "since in English 'love' isn't specific, we have to choose our words carefully."


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1659 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
noglamour
♂ Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PR,

No, I'm not serious. I do pick up my son and love him to death.

You are right, the other kid most likely learned that from someone else, his father or older brother and I would explain that to my son and to also pray for him.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't co-parent with someone like him like you can with a normal person, as he has clearly shown you. I'd stick to major medical and educational decisions, and stop sharing the everyday occurrences like normal parents do. He's not a normal parent, clearly. It's like supplying the stones that are to be thrown at you.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3317 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I have been taking everyone's advice and not telling the muppet day to day things. It just makes me so mad that my SO who doesn't have any children, who has only met the kids via facetime/skype acts more like a father should than their own father. My son had some cavities and had to be given a relaxing drug and then laughing gas before the procedure. He was terrified. The night before his muppet of a father (muppets of the world please forgive me for insulting you) had facetime with him and spent the 10 minutes he chose to talk to the kids talking about his day at work. Then he asked if DS had anything to talk about or else he was going to end the conversation and go eat. My DS is very sensitive and needs to be gentle addressed... not rushed.

I could tell how upset he was and needed more than my voice of encouragement. Male opinions mean a lot to him right now. I asked SO to skype with DS. They talked for 1.5 hours! He walked them thru what would happen at the dentist, reassured him that things would be okay, and he even said he would pray for DS during the time of his scheduled appointment.

The big kicker was.... SO had just gotten home from work, he dropped everything to talk to my son.... he didn't even get to eat.... and trust me when I say that if there was a choice between me and food SO would probably pick the food.

I don't want to replace the kids' father but I want their father to actually BE a father. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be father material. Is it wrong for the SO or stepfather to play a bigger part in the children's lives than their actual father?


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 641 | Registered: Jan 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it wrong for the SO or stepfather to play a bigger part in the children's lives than their actual father

IMO, no. So long as that person is not *boxing out* the parent or attempting to supplant them.

Kid's need all of the cheerleader's that they can get. They need to know that there are people in the world that care about them.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7944 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 16

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