I am feeling exactly the same way and coping the same way, too. Beginning to see that I need to explain it to him. Just so afraid of what he will say. But also, pondering the thought of a post yesterday, "What am I afraid of knowing? Wouldn't it be better to know now than know later?" Eventually, I need to know.
My problem lies in that many SIers also counsel that it often takes WSs a long time for their thinking to clear and for their feelings to readjust.
My WH had a 2+ year PA/EA. He was very much "in love" with her when he told me he wanted to separate. It was the fallout of Dday that caused him to reconsider (lifted the Fog just a tad). We've been working on R, but months into it he still told me that he was "still emotionally attached to her", "loved both of us", yada yada.
Eventually I NEED to know that he is happy with me. That I am enough. That he doesn't regret staying with me. Yes, I want to hear that he no longer misses her.
He has said some of the right things: "I choose us", "she was a mistake", "what I felt for her was different than what we have", "you are amazing and beautiful"... but the fact that he could make the hurtful comments even after he said the right things, makes me question my sanity and his level of remorse and understanding.
I need to know where he is now, but am afraid to ask. How long to wait?
Like you, I am getting resentful and angry. For exactly the same reasons. Couldn't have said it better myself...
So sorry for your pain. Hope you get the words (and actions) that you need in order to heal.