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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just ouch
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to my attorney's assistant today. She is chipper and peppy as we discuss the preparation of the papers, the balance of the retainer, and the meetings we will need. I know it's her job, but did she really need to tell me to have a "great day" in her happiest sorority girl voice? My life is being dissected and I'm talking to the happiest person on the planet. I feel like hell. I look like it too. People at work keep asking me if I'm ok. Today I was noticing there was enough room under my desk for me to get in the fetal position underneath it. I considered it briefly. . Just ugh. I want to skip ahead to when this hurts less and the dust is settled. My D should be final before thanksgiving and I haven't even told my own mother or other family. This just feels unreal. How in the hell did my H throw away our charmed life on something so stupid??


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any answers, but I feel you. I really truly feel you.
And the paralega at my attorney's office is always bubbly...LOL
Makes me want to vomit.
Keep pushing ahead and I will do the same!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2263 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Triple, please tell your family. They will want to be there for you. Up until this point, I've never been very close with my family, but they really circled the wagons and have totally been there for me. It has brought us closer, and helped me a great deal.

Also, you won't have the added stress of trying to keep it secret. Are you worried about it being uncomfortable for your husband around your family? If so, fuck him. He threw the wrench in the works, so he can deal with the fallout.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1990 | Registered: Jan 2013
self-rescuer
♀ Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My lawyer's assistant was the most cheerful woman on the face of the earth. Really, I swear I could hearher smiling on the phone.

Initially it would leave me spinning but as my asshole ex kept dragging his feet, I began to embrace her sweet nature and bubbly way.

Gotta tell you - she became my best ally. She was smart and helpful during a process that I thought would NEVER end. My divorce was very expensive but I got what I paid for including a fantastic friendly co-warrior.


BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((tripletrouble))))))

I feel your pain. I agree with pass, talk to your family. I think it might be easier since you're already in the process as opposed to still deciding. That seems to be when people like to express their opinions and feed the seeds of doubt.

I waited until after I filed to tell my family and was suprised by the level of support I received, as well.

This just another day that will pass. Be kind to yourself tonight. I kinda like the fetal position sometimes with my snuggly dog in the middle.

Yesterday my doctor's secretary told me two years from now, I'll occasionally forget I was even married.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 405 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't go through this alone. Reach out. I know you're in the middle of a freaking nightmare. Tell your family. Tell some friends or neighbors. Tell people. Let them help you. You don't need to be alone.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9715 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh friends, I wish I could talk to my family. But my dad left my mom for his LTA partner after almost 40 years of marriage and it shredded my poor mom. She is not an emotionally well person and I know 100% that she would make this all about her. And worse, she would tell absolutely everyone she sees down to the checkout clerk at the grocery store. She has shared very intimate secrets entrusted to her over the years - absolutely no sense of privacy or boundaries. Oddly enough my dad's wife was the first person to pick up that something was terribly wrong but accepted my excuses with a skeptical glance.

We are waiting to tell the kids until we have a signed agreement, which should be within two weeks. Thank God Mr Triple is cooperating.

Thank you all for the support. I really need it.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Triple,
I felt exactly the same way about telling my family. I knew my mom would get over emotional, try to make it about her, and I knew I couldn't handle her emotions on top of mine and the kids.

She doesn't have same history as your mom, with your Dad leaving for LTA OW, but I felt the same way about telling her. My mom is also a huge blabbermouth and would always tell all of our extended family anything about me that I told her. It really stopped me from sharing stuff with her over the years.

I actually had my friend, who knows her well, offer to call her and tell her and then tell her what she needs to do to support me. She told her what I needed and MORE IMPORTANTLY what I do not need. It really helped!

My parents are actually here now. They are driving me crazy, but they are supporting me the best they can right now.

If you can't tell her, maybe someone else can. You do need support and help....is there someone??


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the suggestion Sleepless. I do have a brother who went through a painful separation from his wife, and he may be up for the job. Even if I delivered the news, he could follow up with a phone call to coach her. They are all several states away, which helps. I don't know why I can't bring myself to tell anyone, maybe because it makes it too real. Sounds like I have a topic for IC next week.
Also I talked to the assistant again today, and I was thinking of your responses. Her cheerfulness bothered me *less*.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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