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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I have found a major lie
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually replied to this post on the 1st thread, and my thoughts were similar to those that you're describing now.

I genuinely believe the past year has been very hazy for my WH...murky, gloomy, cloudy...just a big fuzzy clump of time. I also think there are many details that are still left for us to deal with. The further removed from his affairs, the clearer the picture seems to become.

I hope the last bit of the conference goes well, and he continues to support you.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bionic, I think you hit it when you said that one of the hardest things was for you to admit that your H was a dishonest man at the time of his A. He did things you will never be able to fully understand. Here, here.

Yes. He absolutely messed the timeline and firmly believed his dad confronted him in 2011.

So this now means to me that his path to enlightenment was not quick. It was long and ugly and I have to now accept this new info. That his dad's visit did not shake him...enough. He rug swept it.

As for the other notes Rebreather. He swears up/down that not only did he not see the AP in a sexual way in 2012 the note between him and his bf was about his bf. There is one key element there that supports that when he wrote, "I will tell our sons to do as I say and not as I did. Note the past tense, "did". He goes on to say the road is messed up when our brains are in our dicks.

The email between him and his president where he singles out a few people including her for great support, he said he doesn't know why he did that and can't even recall doing it but yes, he was still foggy. Perhaps he didn't want any trouble in the future. Perhaps he wanted to tie things up "nicely" as she already felt disregarded. I asked him to give it more thought.

As for why I went looking when things have been so good, when I took Chicho's advice and calmly let him know during this conference how I felt. I guess the tension got to me...I felt it within me, I felt it from him. Wanted to know if I was missing something....Perhaps it was too soon for us to be around her no matter how beautiful a place we are in now. There is too much ugly from the past that even natural beauty can't heal.

Since I cannot bad mouth her on R, I will be posting my thoughts on General bc all I can say now is "Your kidding right? Really?" I do need to release those thoughts.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2483 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((LA)) I think it's perfectly understandable why you went searching during this stressful time...
You are on hyper alert and are searching for evidence of his trustworthiness...
Also, you were right to stay there snd talk it out. Sorry I gave you poor advice...
Hugs LA!!

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:43 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)]

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5344 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you found evidence that the affair went beyond when he said it finally ended? Is it still going on?

What you are going through is PTSD.

If it ended in December 2011, I would not leave in a dramatic fashion. What does that solve? I would definitely discuss this in MC. BE RATIONAL. Think this through. I know it is tough. Bailing and going to the airport is not going to solve anything. This is not something that can be solved in one day, or by breaking communication's definitely a setback and you need to sort through it.

I am in the middle of a setback myself and the more I stay rational (even though it is so, so hard sometimes), the better off I am no matter what happens.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LA, how are you doing now? How did conference and trip finish? How are you working through this? Thinking of you.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you LA.

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2081 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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