I actually was in a similar place with my sister as well. But as the years have gone on and we have talked to each other about our lingering problems, we have worked it out and we are in a pretty good place in our relationship right now.
Just because I was getting sick of how things were between us and how inconsistant she was. I didn't want to deal with it anymore, I couldn't deal with it anymore. So I told her that we either need to fix things between us or that's it.
Here it is Friday and she still hasn't called or talked to me in almost 2 weeks. I go back to work next week and am not going to have time to talk to her like I want to. The time I have off right now I want to spend with my family.
She has always been toxic to me. I just never wanted to realize or accept it. Ever since my A, I have really taken time to think about things and realize what is going on in my life. I am realizing that there are certain people that don't need to be a part of my life if they don't want to accept things how they are. My mom has always been like that. Not wanting to accept how things are with me. I was never allowed to grow up and be my own person.
When VD and I started dating almost 10 years ago, my family didn't want us together. My mom though, seemed like she never wanted me to be happy with life. Like I was always supposed to be home and available whenever they wanted me to be. When I was in high school, I never went out, I never went to parties, I never went to the movies with friends, school functions were out, I was always the good one. I didn't do drugs, didn't drink, wasn't permiscuous or anything. I don't even know where the problems stemed from.
Anyway, I am rambling now. Thank you so much for your input. It really gives me a lot to think about with my future and the future of my family.
I guess cutting my mom out of my life, in a way makes me feel bad. I really can't deal with the emotional bullshit I am going through because of her though. I feel bad because I have been trying to reconcile with her and fix things. She always just wants to brush things off like they never happened. It is really hard to talk to her because she is very manipulative. And I feel bad if I stop talking to her that she won't see her 2 grandkids (not like she really cares about them anyway).
One thing that has been really hindering me wanting to continue talking to her started at the end of August. Our daughter turned 5 and my mom didn't even acknowledge her birthday. She ended up calling late the night of her birthday when our daughter was already in bed. Said she would call the next day and talk to our daughter then, never ended up calling. And I saw my mom 2 days before.
That is what is really getting to me lately. She sees my sisters kids 5 days a week. I don't remember the last time she saw my kids. Being a grandparent, you shouldn't forget birthdays.
Sorry for the rant.
Thank you though UO for the thoughts. I think I have made a decisions as much as it is killing me.
I wish I could have a reliable mother as well. I don't have my father in my life either. When my parents got divorced when I was 5, we didn't see him very much and he died back in 2011.
Maybe it's time to cut her off altogether.
This is were I am leaning and have been for a while.
I am trying so hard to get healthy and heal from everything. With her not being around and her not being consistant with anything involving me, I can't do that. She is hindering my healing because I am so concerned with hurting her if I stop talking to her. But why am I so concerned with her feelings if she isn't remotely concerned with mine?
do you know what the right thing to do is?
Yes, and with the help of everyone here and especially my husband I think I have figured it out.
Thank you everyone who responded. It means a lot.