Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: molly5 (43147)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thanks KG201, appreciate it a lot.

Part of the problem is that addiction is all about manipulation and selfishness. Hard not to be resentful and angry for how that plus her A, plus her inability to be personally responsible for herself affects me and my SS. I am really doing it more for my SS than her. He needs as much stability as he can get right now. Divorcing her and leaving him with a crazy addict mom is just out of the question for me right now. On the flip side, he graduates highschool this year so the light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting brighter.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64, your last post fills me with a shit-ton of joy. No sarcasm, brother. I'm happy for you.

thanks, wal-I really need to tell her some stuff.
Last week when she offered her new passwords left me open-mouthed, not knowing what to say.
She's finally past the dry-drunk stage and doing good. Gotta give her credit on that-even her DR was amazed she went cold turkey after drinking nearly daily for almost 30 yrs.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5358 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kind of a (weird) question to all the guys who are still early on-ish...I notice that I'm much more at peace with the whole situation immediately when I wake up in the morning, especially after a really good night's sleep. I mean, if I get a solid 8 the night before, and wake up before my wife and son...I just feel totally at peace.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding the Broken Picker and how to filter and such...

I heard something once regarding love at first sight feelings, and I suppose it could be extended to just the initial feeling of attraction as well.

The suggestion was whenever you feel that love at first sight feeling, ask yourself who the person reminded you of. Interesting concept, and it can be extended to the initial attraction phase I believe. In essence, it is implying (or I am inferring) that we are drawn to something familiar, perhaps as a way of finishing unresolved business by proxy. Perhaps by asking ourselves that question, we can short circuit some of those initial fatal attraction situations and have a good idea of when to move on rather than pursue things further.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

more at peace with the whole situation immediately when I wake up in the morning, especially after a really good night's sleep

Sleep, what's sleep. I wake up exhausted, because I still don't sleep very good. I do find though that as the day goes on things get worse. By intrusive thought number 5 for the day I'm just in a bad mood.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 418 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
fireguy87
♂ New Member
Member # 36992
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ontheslope - there is nothing wrong with moving on if you can't reconnect. It all comes down to being true to yourself.

Ryebread - I admire you for your decision to help others, even when they've wronged you. That is awesome!

I rethought my decision to reconcile many times over the years. When it comes down to it...I did it for me. I feel like a better person with her than without her (personally felt better, not needy of her, but she complimented me so to speak), even though she caused me so much pain.


Me - FBH
Happened many years ago
Reconciled

Posts: 40 | Registered: Sep 2012
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do find though that as the day goes on things get worse. By intrusive thought number 5 for the day I'm just in a bad mood.
I was originally going to throw this in there as well, but kind of forgot to. Agreed...as the day continues on I get crankier and crankier WRT affair stuff. I'm not a very good multi-tasker (and THAT is being generous) and as the day goes on and I'm trying to process day-to-day stuff while also dealing with A stuff in my brain, I start to feel angry and boxed-in.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Grilla
♂ New Member
Member # 40299
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I received some satisfaction by beating my wife's lovers ass, but it didn't last long. GPS' ed her car, followed to a local vineyard, found them kissing at a picnic table not 24 hours after her and I did the same thing the day before... I went the fuck off. Verbally dressed them both down and then worked his ass over. It was to my satisfaction that he bled from his ears for two days afterwords.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Virginia
Grilla
♂ New Member
Member # 40299
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Face punched, I can't get over it either. I can barely function at work, and expect to be fired if I can't get myself together. I went to my doc today in search of antidepressants. It's my hope that they numb me out somewhat so I can perform at work.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Virginia
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No jail, Grilla? No legal issues of any kind?


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His wife didn't freak out about that?


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7082 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grilla, might want to check with your lawyer as to the legal charges you may be facing.

t/j SG, POSER's wife is evidently a member here. t/j

You did what a lot of us here wished we could have done at one time or another. Ultimately, at least to me, not worth it. He's not worth the risk, and really, if he had been doing anyone other than your wife, would it have caused you any pain?

The one who really hurt you is the one who you believed could never betray you. The one who took vows with you.

Focus on you first. Find your balance. 180.

Strength brother


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2061 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grilla: Sorry brother. Hang in there. Try not to self-destruct, it doesn't seem like it now but this is not the end of the world. Time heals these wounds, and you'll be ok in the end regardless of what happens to the marriage. I'm feeling pretty good at 7 months. At one month every fiber of my being hurt. It gets better.

And if this POS has a wife, consider contacting her and letting her know about her husband's extracurriculars. He'll be in major damage control with his wife and have much less time on his hands to pursue yours. Affairs are dirty, sneaky things that thrive under the cover of darkness. Shed some light on it.

Sending strength.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Grilla
♂ New Member
Member # 40299
Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal1995,
He has a wife, she's a member here. And she knows what happened. I can tell you, she's a great woman and an extreemly compassionate soul. I reached out to her the day after I found out my wife was sending her husband text messages at 1:30 am.
Then again after I found them at the vineyard.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Virginia
Grilla
♂ New Member
Member # 40299
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No jail, no legal trouble of any kind Facepunched. I wouldn't have cared at all. I could go to jail and be fine. This happend nearly a month ago, so I doubt anything comes of it.

Still going, his wife was a little upset at the violence, however days after she said that she was glad that I did it. This is the second "known affair" that the POS has had on his caring wife. Wish I could say more about him, but she is on this board and I'll be respectful to her.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Virginia
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Little bit off topic, but....

You ever hear song lyrics that just seem to fit so well? I've listened to the radio or my music collection before and it seems like every song seems to be written about my situation. I trigger off of them sometimes, but sometimes they seem to help.

Heard Aerosmith's Medicine Man this morning...one of the verses just struck a chord:

Should I go or should I stay?
'Cause what we got ain't workin' anyway.
I did my best, God knows I tried.
I feel like I've been crucified.
Why did you...why did you...why did you take it all away!

I heard that and I just sat in my car like... damn.

Anyone else?


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes sir, on the lyrics front. This one has gotten me through a few bad days.

"25 To Life"

Too late for the other side
Caught in a chase
25 to life
Too late for the other side
Caught in a chase
25 to life
Too late
Caught in a chase
25 to life

[Verse 1]
I don't think she understands the sacrifices that I made
Maybe if this bitch had acted right I would've stayed
But I've already wasted over half of my life I would've laid
Down and died for you I no longer cry for you
No more pain bitch you
Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt I can no longer stand it
Now my respect I demand it
Imma take control of this relationship
Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I've stayed
Faithful all the way this is how I fucking get repaid
Look at how I dress fucking baggy sweats, go to work a mess
Always in a rush to get back to you I ain't heard you yet
Not even once say you appreciate me I deserve respect
I've done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness
And I know that if I end this I'll no longer have nothing left
But you keep treating me like a staircase it's time to fucking step
And I wont be coming back so don't hold your fucking breath
You know what you've done no need to go in depth
I told you, you'd be sorry if I fucking left
I'd laugh while you wept
Hows it feel now, yeah, funny ain't it, you neglected me
Did me a favor although my spirit free you've set
But a special place for you in my heart I have kept
It's unfortunate but it's,

[Verse 2]
I feel like when I bend over backwards for you all you do is laugh
Cause that ain't good enough you expect me to fold myself in half
Til I snap
Don't think I'm loyal
All I do is rap
How can I moonlight on the side
I have no life outside of that
Don't I give you enough of my time
You don't think so, do you?
Jealous when I spend time with the girls
Why I'm married to you still man I don't know
But tonight I'm serving you with papers
I'm divorcing you
Go marry someone else and make em famous
And take away their freedom like you did to me
Treat em like you don't need them and they ain't worthy of you
Feed em the same shit that you made me eat
I'm moving on forget you oh,
Now I'm special? I didn't feel special when I was with you
All I ever felt was this
Helplessness
Imprisoned by a selfish bitch
Chew me up and spit me out
I fell for this so many times
It's ridiculous
And still I stick with this
I'm sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
You're addictive as they get
Evil as they come vindictive as they make em
My friends keep asking me why I can't just walk away from
I'm addicted
To the pain, the stress, the drama
I'm drawn in so I guess imma mess
Cursed and blessed
But this time imma
Ain't changing my mind
I'm climbing out this abyss
You screaming as I walk out that I'll be missed
But when you spoke of people who meant the most to you
You left me off your list


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
fireguy87
♂ New Member
Member # 36992
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OTS - Know exactly what you mean. Way back when our shit went down a popular song triggered me every time.

The song was "All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You" by Heart. The entire song is about a woman picking up a stranger and doing him all night.

One verse in particular would trigger me and piss me off to no end.....(the following may not be completely accurate, but its close enough)

"Please, please understand I'm in love with another man but the one thing he cant give me is the one thing that you can..." I used to imagine that my W would say that to the asshole.

Sorry if I offended anyone, didn't mean to. I also realized that song still pisses me off.

There were some other songs that portrayed my feelings as well.


Me - FBH
Happened many years ago
Reconciled

Posts: 40 | Registered: Sep 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I heard something once regarding love at first sight feelings, and I suppose it could be extended to just the initial feeling of attraction as well.
Never had a love at first site feeling. Have had lust at first site but maybe that's the problem for me. When I take an honest look back at past relationships they got physical fairly quickly. None of them had a real foundation under them and once the "chemicals" from the newness of the relationship wore off what did we actually have in common. So now I realize that for me at least taking things slow is probably a better path but doing shit completely different from the way you have always done it is evidently hard. Doesn't help that I haven't dating in over 12 years.

I do agree that I need to be okay by myself first before even thinking about being in a relationship. Maybe once I get to that point it will be a bit easier to weed out or more accurately walk away from people with issues.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1562 | Registered: May 2011
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Please, please understand I'm in love with another man but the one thing he cant give me is the one thing that you can..."

Wow.... I officially hate heart now. I mean... what the hell? Are women just hard-wired to think this way? I mean... who writes that in a fucking song? Seriously? God. I read that and I could have punched something.

What pisses me off most is I bet that half the women out there listen to that shit and somehow think of it as 'romantic'.

But I guess that's just the world we live in. It's on TV, movies, books, music...it's everywhere. And they never deal with the fallout... Infidelity is romanticized. Like some great adventure.

Pfffft.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.