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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man, have I been in a foul mood, so just been following along mostly.

WW invited me to go along on a work trip last weekend. Last year she took along poser and hid it as work. Apparently it wasn't planned that way, even though she set everything up for him even his credentials to get into the conference. But they drove in different cars so they didn't technically go together. Fucking-a waywards are masters of rationalization. Major triggering, didn't even really enjoy my time away.

Then on the way home had to have the conversation of why I don't won't to do anything on our anniversary this year. Once again I'm the asshole for not wanting to celebrate the vows she took a shit on.

Sometimes she makes me want to go punch a puppy.

brew to follow......


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had one of these last weekend, It was reallllllly good!


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Protocol question. PM you guys if your specific experience is relevant or "open call"?
I don't understand what this means.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also I'm pissed I missed the whole pumpkin cannon, rail gun, wormhole discussion.

How bout flash freezing the pumpkin. Kind of like giving it an M&M like hard candy shell. It would provide extra structural stability for the G's. If used in the rail gun it could help protect against the cooking. And if used with a rail gun type application that would generate heat on the pumpkins shell it would allow the frost to burn off and on impact would still allow the pumpkin to splash its gooey guts everywhere instead of pumpkin chunk shrapnel you would get if you froze the whole thing.

This kind of project sounds like a good use of time!


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
ForwardMotion
♂ Member
Member # 32608
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Re: on tap

We just got Southern Tier beer here in DFW, so I'm gonna swill some 2XIPA and maybe an Unearthly tonight. Should be a nice night by the pool with the tiki lights lit.

Cheers all.

[This message edited by ForwardMotion at 2:18 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


me - BH

'It's not the end of everything,
It's just end of everything you know.'


Posts: 399 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Tejas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FP, I was asking if I or anyone here becomes aware of a member 'out there' in the other forums, who would benefit from a specific Menz club members experience, would the protocol be to PM those members or put it out for all to respond. Actually kind of a silly question now that I think about it.

ETA Too much collective experience here that I don't know about.

Jack and Pepsi w/fresh lemon tonight!

[This message edited by 5454real at 2:28 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got it. When I see a new guy out there, I usually do my best to direct him down here. Like someone else was saying, we have a variety of experiences down here, but most of us have at least some overlap.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW invited me to go along on a work trip last weekend. Last year she took along poser and hid it as work. Apparently it wasn't planned that way, even though she set everything up for him even his credentials to get into the conference. But they drove in different cars so they didn't technically go together. Fucking-a waywards are masters of rationalization. Major triggering, didn't even really enjoy my time away.

Then on the way home had to have the conversation of why I don't won't to do anything on our anniversary this year. Once again I'm the asshole for not wanting to celebrate the vows she took a shit on.

Trips away are a big fuckin trigger for me also. And that *masters of rationalization* thing fits WW to a T.

We moved house when the LTA had been going on for about a year. So the last few years of her LTA was long distance trips to see OM. On my dime of course. 2 week trips out to visit friends that was necessary because I was such a asshole for moving us away. These 2 week trips came about once a month. So she was gone about half the time.

One time I got a call at work from her while she was out *visiting friends*. She needed to find a restaurant and needed directions. Being the helpful guy I am I told her how to get there. Guess who she was meeting there? I bet you can guess! After Dday I found pictures of them together at that restaurant with the time stamp of the day I gave directions.

WW would disappear for days at a time and if I tried calling she would either not answer or scream obscenities at me over the phone because I was *trying to control her*.

God. Bad memories all around.

And anniversaries? Fuck. What the hell are we supposed to be celebrating? The first lie she told of our M?

And I dont DO ties. If I have to go out and pretend to be happy I will at least be comfortable.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's Friday, I know we're all looking forward to a cold one... I know it's probably not the best time for this, but damn it, I need to rant for a minute.

I'm sick of this. Just fucking sick of it. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of the hurt, the anger, the resentment, the regret, the knowledge that my M will never be the same. I'm sick of the mind movies and the triggers and the second guessing and the conflicted emotions. I'm sick of putting my own happiness second, of putting on a brave face for my kids, of trying to convince myself that "it's not that bad". I'm sick of not being able to enjoy life, of not having the balls to do something about it, of feeling like I'm trapped. I'm sick of not feeling like myself, not having my confidence, not being able to concentrate at work. I'm sick of wondering if things will ever get better, of wondering if I'm wasting my time, of being married to someone I don't love, of feeling like my heart's been ripped out, of having to be around my other married friends and seeing how happy they are and how much pride they have in their Ws and then looking at my own W and feeling nothing but disgust and apathy.

I want to yell at her sometimes. Why! Why the fuck did she have to do that! "I never stopped loving you," she says.... bull shit. BULL FUCKING SHIT. You never stopped loving me... SURE... and when he stuck his hand down your pants, all you were thinking was how much you loved me. And when you laid on your back and opened your legs, all you were thinking was that I was the love of your life. And when you went back again, and again, you never stopped loving me. DUMB ASS WAY of showing it! Fuck her! My eyes may wander from time to time, but you know what? You know what makes me different? When push comes to shove I keep my fucking pants on. I made vows. For better or for worse. If only I had read the fine print.

God damn it! Why the fuck did it have to be me!?!?!? It's been 4 god-damned years. 4 Years. And still it hurts. Still I'm torn. Still I can't bring myself to love her or respect her. She's trying now. She's trying so hard. But you know what? She shouldn't have to be "trying" at all. She should have remembered that she was fucking married. She knew better. She should have kept her fucking pants on, but she didn't. She's trying. Yeah. She's trying real hard.

God I need a beer. And another. And another. And a few more after that.

Sick of it. Just fucking sick of it. I deserve better. You hear me? I DESERVE BETTER!


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wayward habits die hard.

The WW and I have been on a great path to R. The last rough day was Sept. 1. September has been by far the best month we've had since D Day. Then there was yesterday.

I found out that she used a credit card that I thought had been long paid off, and got behind. The debt's not much as credit cards go and we shouldn't be behind on it in the first place, so there's that. The real issue is that we've been getting frequent calls from a number with an Oregon area code, and my wife has been answering them and playing them off as telemarketing calls. Yesterday I grabbed the phone and found out that it was actually a collection call from the bank, asking for my wife.

So, she's been lying to me for at least a month now. The reason - she thinks I "have enough to worry about" - even though this small debt can be easily handled, it is about the least of my problems, and she promised to be an open book shortly after D Day and failed to keep that promise ( a recurring theme now that the vows have been shattered). Naturally, this seemingly small deception triggers memories of the Great Deception in our marriage.

No matter how great R is going, I've just been reminded that my wife is a wayward and still thinks like one. It will be many years of hard work on her part before I can even begin to let my guard down. For now I have to be content with the knowledge that she has made great strides in the past nearly 8 months.

What bothers me the most is that I still lean towards trusting her. Towards naivety. I should thank her for reminding me in a relatively harmless way that I'm not dealing with the picture of emotional health.

Maybe some BS habits die hard as well.

ETA: ontheslope, just read your latest post. Sorry you're hurting brother. Damn right you deserve better, we all do. Wish I had some wise words for you, but my head is also spinning a bit. Take care and try to enjoy your weekend.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 4:14 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Mikey56
♂ Member
Member # 38063
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ontheslope,

Great rant. You must have read my mind. I am soooo tired of this shit.

I just passed the one year mark and even though things are way better than last October you just can't unfuck the donkey. This sucks on ice.

I love beer....and I think this calls for bourbon. I am going to pour some Evan Williams I have been saving (single barrel - neat), and toast you and all my brothers here.

Peace Gentlemen...


Posts: 108 | Registered: Jan 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ontheslope, you have definitely been heard and I am right there with you.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ontheslope – I’m hoping you get some fun tonight – you deserve it. I hear you and you don’t have to convince me. Life is tough enough without the extra shit to deal with.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wayward habits die hard.

That's the fucking truth Sal. Sorry to hear about that shit. My wife likes to hide stuff too.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have some Heineken and a bottle of 1800 tequila. Both of which will get plenty of attention from me in about an hour. Numb is the goal tonight.

ETA: Thanks WB. I remember that post of yours from not too far back. Hope things have improved since then.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 4:51 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal man... sorry you had to have the painful reminder. My W has issues with money and credit cards and lying about them as well. Not nearly as bad as the A, but still a reminder that she has 'issues' that are not of my making.

Happy friday everyone. Crack a cold one.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gentlemen,

I started early, didn't wait for you. Had a pint of draft Old Jubilation strong ale (8.4%), a really dark, malty winter special brew and then got one of these for the road.

Hog Heaven. Dry hopped barelywine. 22 oz bottle.

It doesn't make the pain go away, but it sure does help make it more tolerable.

Remember my friends, All things in moderation. Even excess.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 5:05 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did I mention I drank that Red Hydrant Ale last weekend? Have a big bottle of Stoli waiting for me when I get home tonight.

OTS:
Like I said....


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ontheslope! You said it for all of us... As far as I'm concerned, the marriage doesn't exist anymore. Thank goodness she doesn't mind that I ignore any attention drawn to anniversaries. She recently made a comment about renewing our vows - I'm not sure I'm convinced that they're worth renewing. I mean, if they weren't enough for her to stand behind in the first place.... ??? y'know?

Anyhow, it's Friday, and it's past 5 so I'm trying a new local brew:

Prost!


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numbness achieved. Peace, brothers.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
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