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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get what you're saying, Sal. I'd imagine that even in those "let down your hair and be yourself", candid-type atmospheres, there's still an unconscious 'mirroring' at play. Maybe everybody's not on their 'best' behavior in all situations, but they are a far sight from their 'natural' state.

But I'd bet the farm that's exactly the way my WW and OM described each other after their first encounter, when they caught up on old times (they knew each other briefly in the early 90s through mutual friends) and he listened thoughtfully to her express her frustrations with life.
This, 1000x.
Not to sound cynical - it looks like WW and I are on the road to R - but if it somehow doesn't work out and I find myself in the dating scene one day, I'm going to have to get to know someone real well before things get serious or I even start making judgments about their personality or character.
Y'know, I've thought about that, too. I don't really want to be single, per se, but if I ever find myself there, I feel bad for the first couple of women I date. Just in terms of how closely I'll be paying attention to actions, not words and all the other things I've learned about boundaries and whatnot.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((fp's first couple of wimmenz)))

Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought where this was going was just a recognition of how nice it is to have a low-drama, low-baggage, low-emotion chat with an attractive woman. For years after DDay, that just doesn't happen for most of us.

Which is a great way to connect with somebody who can understand and empathize and that great set of tits - she's attractive, right? I'm calling great tits for story mechanism here then - right there is just so easy to be around and talk to...

I talk way too much but I can't find the words to express the loneliness I felt. I can imagine how nice those conversations must be. Not recognizing the real vulnerability there is dangerous tho.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you guys do that - I hate talking to strangers. Actually I hate talk to many people I know :)

I got a vibe once at work from a co-worker (not co-worker anymore). She was telling me how cool I was and we should have lunch sometime. I told the story to my W at home later that day. I was laughing and my wife was fuming. Good times! :)


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1160 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess the disclaimer I should have made is that I'm in uniform at these airports, and I am aware that there are attractions to that. For the life of me, I don't understand it. I'm a simple person and, once the uniform is off, if the thrill is gone, it wasn't worth it.

I understand that I shouldn't put one encounter in the "grass is greener" category, but it was a nice interlude into what interactions with the opposite gender may give off, when/if I decide to D.

I nearly had the courage to tell fWW that I loved her, but I wasn't IN love with her... as trite as that is, on this site, in particular. I was on the porch after a 4 mile run, looking at a wonderful double rainbow with fWW sitting next to me. And, I felt alone. And, I told her that - I felt empty, and sad and rudderless... she seems to think three days in Cancun will change all that. We'll see.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG

You do have a way with words, don't stop.

The attractive woman I missed having a calm chat with the most was my W. There was someone in the room that looked just like her, but for quite a while after DDay, she was gone.

Sometimes she wasn't calm, most of the time I wasn't. So a little dose of "normal" can be healing.

Mind you, I'm hyper aware that "chatting up" can be a prelude to "going down".

[This message edited by MoreWould at 9:25 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To paraphrase a lyric by the John Butler Trio -

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to mow.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The attractive woman I missed having a calm chat with the most was my W. There was someone in the room that looked just like her, but for quite a while after DDay, she was gone.

Well said MW. I miss that too.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys, if you've got the time, Grilla's posting in General under the title Retribution. Hurting bad and drunk. Seriously considering a RA. He could use a little support.

ETA MW, voice of experience?

[This message edited by 5454real at 12:39 PM, October 4th (Friday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

54 Thanks, I'm on it.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the heads up, 54.

Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks 54...I replied to him earlier and sent him a PM. Not sure where he's at, but he may be local to me. Sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to...sounds like he needs it. BTDT.

Speaking of drunk - what's on tap for tonight? I think a few cold ones and a fire outside to get rid of some brush and forest detritus might be my plan.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what's on tap for tonight

It was our 13th wedding anniversary this week. Going out on our date night tonight. Fondue and red wine. I'll probably have a Macallan for dessert.

Now I just need to remember how to tie a frickin' tie...

I'll have to check back in to see what the rest of you guys are having later on.


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotta look out for our own "Menz". I appreciate y'all getting in there so quick. MW, thanks, Losfer thanks to you also, TBH, kinda forgot you wore the MH cap also. Biggest fear for Grilla right now is the drunk aspect. Hope some of this cuts through to him.

Protocol question. PM you guys if your specific experience is relevant or "open call"?


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good call 5454, thanks for the heads up.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Protocol question. PM you guys if your specific experience is relevant or "open call"?

I'm personally comfortable with either/or.


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Protocol question. PM you guys if your specific experience is relevant or "open call"?

Open call. We've all got at least one thing in common...but our collective experience is pretty awesome.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Protocol question. PM you guys if your specific experience is relevant or "open call"?

Either works for me. I think the open call gets the POV that seems to come out of left field but is spot on or sends the topic in the right direction.

OK Tred said it better on the POV.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred, yea BTDTT. Worried about the drunk aspect. I think he's on AD's now. Not a good mix.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, I agree with the common experience aspect.

Heck of a group of men here. Probably pretty scary if we did manage to get the OBX up and running!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
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