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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
jjct
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Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks brother.

Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe the best memory-erasing pill is becoming an unremorseful WS - that way, we can convince ourselves; "I don't remember."

OTOH, I think the best real pill is eternity. I can't remember what I had for lunch a simple week ago, it bends me to the limits of my imagining what happened a trillion trillion years ago.

All numbers are approximate:
a million seconds = 11 days
a billion seconds = 30 years
a trillion seconds = 30,000 years

aesir and a bunch of you were more right than you know - this too shall pass.


Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
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Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still, the evolutionary hypothesis for the reproductive strategies I think was pretty good. Even gays were explained. Made sense for me and I read it when it was out right after my W's affairs.

Well, like I said - I believe those were all debunked because he based it on guesses on data he looked at that was taken from other sources.

Oral sex, for example - he purports that oral sex is a way for mates to judge sexual health. This is an excellent example of reaching as far as he can to create unnecessary rationale - oral sex serves two purposes, pleasure diversity and pleasure bypassing pregnancy. Insanely sexually active animals like whatever kind of monkeys those are whose name I forget probably engage in oral sex, but AFAIK they use sex to replace aggression so they probably fuck anything they can any way they can. Otherwise the major advantage to oral sex is to get off without risk of a pregnancy. The idea that it is some kind of measure of fertility is boggling.

wrt homosexuality his actual statement is that *real* homosexuals are rare because most of them have sex with the other gender and are therefore actually bisexual. As for it being a genetic advantage in large populations... I.. well, guess so?

These things just fall apart under modern scrutiny.

Also, someone said SC2... I was obsessive about the original SC. I played it professionally at one point. Did not win anything but I was reasonably capable. After War3 I have just lost interest in Blizzard RTS games.. War3 was a massive letdown to me in every way. I am occasionally tempted to get SC2 and beat it just to have done it, but it feels like watching Episodes I through III just to say I did it.

I don't see the appeal of the GTA series because I just don't see the appeal of glorifying a criminal with no redeeming character qualities as the protagonist. Even Caesar in New Vegas had his redeeming qualities in the context of his environment, and he is an unequivocally evil bastard.

I dunno. Sorry, don't mean to down on it. I am all for the right of developers to tell a story but I guess I retain the right to think their stories are tacky?


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
fireguy87
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Member # 36992
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's weird, I have never been able to get into any kind of video games. An I'm a geek...lol


On a side note: It really sucks having to put down a family pet because there is nothing more you can do for them when they get old. Whole family is feeling this pain today


Me - FBH
Happened many years ago
Reconciled

Posts: 40 | Registered: Sep 2012
Tred
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Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't played any games since about two months before DDay. I was playing EQ2 online, but it just took too much of my time. Never got into console games.

Fire, sorry about your loss. It's never easy, even if it's the right thing to do.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a dog about to hit that age. He has been part of the family since before we had kids. Probably about 15 years old at this point. Not looking forward to that day. Sorry for your loss, fire.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mr. Kite
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Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a side note: It really sucks having to put down a family pet because there is nothing more you can do for them when they get old. Whole family is feeling this pain today

Sorry you and your family are going through this pain. Had to put down our beloved American Eskimo Spitz, Zachary, on March 11th. He missed his 15th birthday by a few days. I acted "manly" and did what had to be done but about a week later I got alone and sobbed to get some of that grief out of my system.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
VD2012
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Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing,

I got Starcraft II earlier this year and quite enjoyed the Wings of Liberty campaign. Lots of fun missions and the story was decent for what it is. Just bought a couple copies of Heart of the Swarm last week on sale but haven't gotten to it. Never really got into the multiplayer.

As for GTA your thoughts on it are entirely valid. There's a pervasive crassness about the GTA games that tries to come off as satire but for a lot of people it fails. This is especially true of the earlier titles, particularly Vice City which is an immature teenager's crime boss power fantasy.

That said GTA IV's story doesn't really glofify criminality at all and in fact by the time the game reaches it's resolution the protagonist has to make one of two choices on how to proceed, both leading to rather tragic results that I found were rather poignent considering the narrative direction. Niko also had quite a few positive qualities and his backstory fleshed out the reasons for his actions well enough for me. I liked GTA IV's story a lot, but there's more than a few people who just want a sandbox cop killing simulator to fly around with jet packs blowing everything up with dildos. I also really liked Red Dead Redemption and it's story, thus why I have looked forward to GTA V. Rockstar have been moving away from their old story telling roots to something more mature and less puerile.

Then again I mechanically like the games so that's more important to me than story more often than not. I also generally like everything from Nintendo platformers to Paradox grand strategy to MMOs to anything from Naughty Dog to rogue-likes to Final Fantasy's to well, just about anything. Adventures games though, no interest, but I'll watch my wife go through them because they're often interesting storywise or humorous.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Ascendant
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Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I liked GTA IV''s story a lot, but there''s more than a few people who just want a sandbox cop killing simulator to fly around with jet packs blowing everything up with dildos.
Yeah, agree. I''ve always read the GTA games as satire...I don''t view the playing of them as any more damaging than watching a terrible 80s Action movie. That being said, they are NOT for children, or anyone with an underdeveloped sense of morality.

ETA: I'm not saying that anyone who doesn't like it has an underdeveloped moral code. There are plenty of perfectly valid reasons to dislike anything, this included.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 11:25 AM, September 26th, 2013 (Thursday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
StillGoing
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Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you VD, and like I said, I am not into the games so my opinion is not one that is well informed here. I think the reason their satire fails for me personally is that it seems more like an excuse than a real venture; the Saints Row series at the 3rd installment at least stopped even bothering to try and just went full-on stupid, and turned into an amusing set of games. The original Max Payne is still compelling and holds up to this day, so I know that Rockstar is more than capable of producing a real story. I guess I just didn't feel like searching for it in the middle of all the other junk I saw.

Again, mine is not a well informed opinion with regards to GTA as I spent very little time at all with the series.

As for SC2, I have what are mostly personal reasons for avoiding it. Also, what the shit is this fuck about releasing each campaign as a separate full-cost game? Horse shit. I almost expect them to make 'toss carriers only available through DLC for the 3rd one.

eta:

Did you say Paradox grand strategy?

CAN YOU PLEASE FUCKING TEACH ME HOW TO PLAY CK2

[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:44 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
VD2012
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Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get ya there. I chose not to get Wings of Liberty until earlier this year when I got it for $20. We got the two copies of Heart of the Swarm for $12.50 each after price matching at Best Buy because Wal-mart in our area had a sale. I figure I'll pay for the full game over years with sales... :S Guess you can blame Activision's acquisition of Blizzard.

DLC, DRM, yearly "updates" and that general direction games have taken disheartens me anyways.

As for CK2, even after dozens of hours you still keep learning. The scary thing is it's easily their most accessible title.

http://lparchive.org/Crusader-Kings-2/

In all seriousness ^^^ that's a great guide that helped me get into it a lot.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
StillGoing
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Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for that link, I will pore over it so I can use CK2 as something more than lovely background music. Also, I will STFU about games for now.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Tred
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Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Note to the Menz - SG did not mean for all of us to STFU. Don't be scared of him because he's a MMA badass - he has no clue who you are.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
foundoutlater
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Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG did not mean for all of us to STFU. Don't be scared of him because he's a MMA badass - he has no clue who you are

And I just thought the gamers went off to play instead of talking.

Hey jjct I completely get what you are saying. For me before the A it was like “meh – not for me”. Now it triggers a bit of anger. I’ve seen some Menz posting in other SI threads abouth this stuff. I sounded like they have a pretty solid moral compass and just love that shit too. I think my reaction is more about how my moral compass was constructed, including big doses of Catholic guilt hellfire. I like me though so I’m just going to try and not let the anger out on the undeserved (which I think is anyone in this case - ‘cause who am I to judge).


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
flup
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Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hard to believe this thread went about three threads deep, before Tred rescued it...

I hear all the talk about video games - I guess it's a generational thing, because the first-person shooter games give me vertigo, and make me dizzy. And yet, I'm fine thrashing around in a full-flight simulator during my annual training doing wind shear recoveries and near-zero visibility landings.

That aside, but still related to video games... Does anybody think that video game obsession or over concentration on your job contributed a great deal to your fWW's A's?

Post 9/11, I was on the verge of losing my job and getting laid off, for the first time in my life, with two grade-schoolers and a sahw. I was incredibly fearful, with only an air-science degree and nothing to fall back on besides an airplane, if I got furloughed.

I was spending lots of hours in the basement on the computer looking for options - I even filled out air marshal applications in case I got laid off.

During the midst of all this, my fWW decided I wasn't paying enough attention to her, and decided to play with a neighbor's weiner for a couple of months.

It turned out that I didn't get laid off, but my life was sucky - being on call/reserve for a year or so. I didn't even know wtf was going on... fWW kept asking me to go to marriage counseling, and I had no idea why! MC? Why? I didn't even ask what was wrong... What I didn't know was that she was smoking the neighbors pole and was "confused" about our status. I wasn't confused, I was "providing"... just like my dad did, and just like I thought every dad was supposed to do. She then lied to the MC we saw, got me to accept all the blame for the state of the marriage because I was "detached" - trying to stay above water financially.

I would never have known about OM#1 if, six years later, I didn't discover her and OM#2. Talk about rug-sweeping...

Thank goodness for pithy writers as WAL and others here. At least now, I can detach and maintain my own path - let fWW adapt to me, instead of me adapting to her.

The problem remains, however, that I'm just not "In Love" with her anymore. I should have never married her (looking back), but 25 years in, how do you cut loose this late? I mean, I love her, but (here goes the trite expression) I'm not in love with her anymore. And, I'm sure that ended on DDay.

The kids are both on to college, and older that 18... maybe it's time to just turn into a hermit... with beer.

[This message edited by flup at 8:43 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
StillGoing
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Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be scared of him because he's a MMA badass

I am by no means an MMA badass. I haven't been to the gym in over a year now.

I will share my secret motivation for trying to get back there as soon as I can: I want to be in great shape again so I can do Run For Your Life and do shit like leap over the zombies. I have an actual motivation to do actual action hero shit. I think I am about as childish as you can possibly get.


That aside, but still related to video games... Does anybody think that video game obsession or over concentration on your job contributed a great deal to your fWW's A's?

Well, here's the thing: if my obsession with any video games contributed to her A, what did she do to contribute to my obsession with video games?

I definitely spend too much time with gaming, but as both my wife and I often game together it's not the usual "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALWAYS IN FRONT OF THAT STUPID GAME" kinda thing. I'm saying something like "HAEL MEH BABY" and she shouts "YOURE OUT OF FUCKING LOS AGAIN DUMBASS" or we're giggling at the psychos in Borderlands. That said, I am certainly guilty of using gaming as a form of escapism and I am sure she has very legitimate feelings of resentment and unhappiness in that regard.

That didn't contribute to her decision for shit, though, and I will never fucking once in my life ever accept otherwise - because if that is the case she has to accept that she contributed to my escapes, and frankly I don't want to give up control of that. I *can* fix those. Because they're *my* fuck ups. Just like her affair is hers.

If your wife was unhappy about you disappearing into fucking Red Baron for hours she could have selected a more rational means of communicating that - or even disengaging and moving on, come to it - than fucking somebody else. It's not like you're sticking a heroin needle in your arm and shouting YEAH BITCH YOU MADE ME DO THIS and if you were, you'd get the kind of reality slaps you ought to get.

I had a clarity moment very early on in one of the terrible MCs we were at (MC Barbie - some woman in her early 20s that wore high heels, tight business dresses and cleavage exposing tops, and gave some really.. funny cliches for advice) where I tried to explain that my drinking way way way too damn much was because "You're so miserable all the time" and as the stupid words rolled out of my stupid mouth I thought to myself - wow, I really fucking said that because I was really fucking thinking it, and I know that's bullshit. I know that yeah she is kind of a bitch and doesn't do XYZ and treats me like total shit but it's not like she's pushing the booze down my throat. Well she did get me a home brewing kit that christmas so mixed messages and shit but even so, yes I was not happy and yes I was drinking to get out of that - the common theme there was "I" and as I tried to open my mouth to explain this epiphany and how I meant to say it was HOW DARE YOU BLAME ME FOR YOUR DRINKING WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. So that session went downhill.

It help arrange things so I could understand that someone else can be the source of misery but your response to that is entirely under your own control.

Escapism is not a good thing and it hurts people, but the TL:DR is that your escapism is in no way a factor in her choice of escapism, anymore than anything she did was a factor in yours.

Wow that was long, sorry.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting tired of hearing about "the marriage being vulnerable to an affair." Really fucking tired of it. The MC used the phrase the other day near the end of what was (up to that point) a really, really good session. It didn't register right away, but I was going over the session in my head a couple hours back and it floated to the fore. I'm so tired of hearing that; I was in the same fucking marriage...the marriage wasn't vulnerable, she was.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
MC_Jack
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Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the marriage being vulnerable to an affair.

it is one if those sayings that sounds profound but really says nothing.

Like "that's the exception that proves the rule"

or, "humans are vulnerable to heterosexual outbursts"

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 8:37 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting tired of hearing about "the marriage being vulnerable to an affair."

This is why I'm a strong believer in the "marriage is dead, jim" approach.

She killed it.
The onlyanswer I have to such drivel is; "What M?"
The dead one? The one that she killed?

My answer to any MC/IC who tried that with me would reveal his or her inability to practice. I'd play a videogame on that and rip their lungs out. With a razorlike tongue. FTN.

Obviously, you can have a better M, with a whole wife, who owns her shit, it can be delicious - I actually envy that.

Just don't buy the bullshit.


Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lmao
"humans are vulnerable to heterosexual outbursts"

I'm gonna try to use that in a sentence that makes sense tomorrow.
Wish me luck.


Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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