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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would add a similar outlook on life as well.

That too. You both have to be on the same page about where you want to take your life.

Long story longer (and condensed version of my original post)...similar interestes are nice, but not required for me.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There really is research around isolating and removing specific memories. Due to the way the brain stores memories it's possible to do it with a pill. They'd be gone forever though. Not one of those reversible things, and it's not like it would wipe an entire swathe; the way it is supposed to work is you take whatever blocker they use in its pill form, then try to actively recall the memory you don't want, and since it's blocked in transit, it's dissipated and gone forever.

So I could make myself forget that my wife had an affair and be really confused about it coming to read my shit here and wonder why I was posting here. Then I'd read my own history and probably confabulate memories to replace the lost memory, at which point it kind of makes it pointless to even bother. Unless you wipe out years of your life to erase enough context, your brain is probably just gonna rebuild the missing shit anyway.

The more useful aspects of that are dissociating traumatic memories from PTSD symptoms, though. Which should be obvious in their usefulness.

eta:

I guess that means you'd be making history instead of repeating it!

[This message edited by StillGoing at 1:49 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7081 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That may work if you have monk like focus and can concentrate only on what you don't want to think of. For me that would be more like a mental monkey with a hand grenade, fragging all kinds of things associated with it, even if only tangentially.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great... so I would get to learn about the A all over again for the first time!?!?!?!?


Just want I want, DDay redux!

I'll pass.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You might think that. I certainly wish that were the case, but it simply isn't. I know all of the standards: It wasn't about anything lacking in me, it was about something lacking in them. It wasn't about OM being, more attractive than me, smarter than me, more alpha than me etc. I know all of those things, I can quote them by rote. But even still, even 3 plus years into a successful R, I still sometimes struggle with feeling these things. With knowing them as more than some surface level fact but rather as a bone deep, ingrained certainty.
I feel exactly like this. Granted, I'm only 8 months out. I feel like if someone I knew were to try to make an argument excusing someone's infidelity or blaming the spouse (especially a guy)I have all the ammunition to tear every single possible excuse to shreds...but on some level, I've yet to completely internalize it. It's almost like my brain has 3 levels, and two of them believe the stuff we preach on here: the surface level that can tick it all off from memory...and the deepest level of my core being that knows it's all true as well....but I feel like there's some intermediate level that is still unsure...I don't know, maybe that's where all the cultural conditioning is?

Because if there's on thing I've learned from this whole process (and from you fine gentlemen) it's that healthy relationships and healthy male/female relationship dynamics seem to be pretty rare IRL (and in mass culture), in my experience. I hear people talk about their relationships now and all I think is "red flag, red flag, red flag"...and not even in the infidelity sense, just in the sense of unhealthy dynamics and expectations.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 3:12 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else pick up GTA V? I have already wasted a terrible amount of life-minutes on it. Oh my god...

...I'm having an EA with 3 dudes.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm waiting for it to come out on PC. Not that it would do me much good at the moment as there is no room for my desktop at my Mom's house. I am playing through San Andreas again on my laptop though.

Posts: 1312 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sal.

FacePunched,

We picked it up release day and I played it for a few hours until two events happened back to back that were somewhat jarring for me.

Spoilers for semi early-ish Michael stuff ahead...


The shit with his wife got to me. The mission that starts with him walking in on his wife with the tennis coach bothered the fuck out of me way too much.

End of spoilers.


After all that was done I was driving around in a van as Franklin and in an intersection I honked the horn at a dude to get out of the way, next thing I know a prostitute hops right in. Normally wouldn't phase me but after the previous incident and in light of my wife doing shit in a van with her AP... Yeah, letting that sit for a bit til I get back to it.

Otherwise, the game seems incredibly well done and I was enjoying the hell out of it. I deliberately chose not to watch any trailers or read up on any preview information before so the infidelity stuff took me off guard. Though i shouldn't have been surprised all things considered. The anti-aliasing, or lack thereof I should say, was bugging my eyes though. Tripping out and shooting aliens with a mini-gun kind of makes up for it.

[This message edited by VD2012 at 7:37 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love Conan O'Brien's video game reviews. Here he is checking out GTA 5. Frikkin' hilarious! Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB_XX_IM8io


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree about that mission... However, the resolution was pretty sweet. I tried like hell to catch that bastard and put some holes in him.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah really? Well I'm gonna be a bich then. Today's edition of debbie downer. I despise that shit.
Not you for enjoying it.
Fish. Beer. Play games fellas, whatever takes your mind off...
Cool. Decompress.

It is sad to me (cause I find myself moving through the anger stage more readily)
Anyone up for a game of chess?

I been here for a long time obviously, have been BLESSED to have avoided bein kicked off, sure it's bc I haven't worked it out yet ( do you know? what it's like? to have written my own poems?) Trust me, there are tears in my eyes s I type this, but fuck this.

I ABHOR the eroding of righteous boundaries this represents as all right.

i will speak up agaainst it at every turn, tho my nose is mrunnin


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There really is research around isolating and removing specific memories. Due to the way the brain stores memories it's possible to do it with a pill. They'd be gone forever though. Not one of those reversible things, and it's not like it would wipe an entire swathe; the way it is supposed to work is you take whatever blocker they use in its pill form, then try to actively recall the memory you don't want, and since it's blocked in transit, it's dissipated and gone forever.
So I could make myself forget that my wife had an affair and be really confused about it coming to read my shit here and wonder why I was posting here.

My wife must believe she is a neurologist. Or perhaps a Jedi.

[This message edited by Later at 9:45 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In short, it's NOT funny, at all to me. None of the soul eviscerating things popular culture sings are pleasing to me.

Just please give me a break, for having to sing
inwardly.

[This message edited by jjct at 9:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a GTA fan. Don't think it's evil or anything, just tasteless and unnecessary.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7081 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's a Jedi fantasizer.

Her reality is artificially constructed & conducted in that case. Like all artificially constructed realities these are destined to fail.


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG,

Yeah I forgot the kamikaze sperm. That sounds fishy. So much that I completely forgotabout that even though the title of the book points to it,

Still, the evolutionary hypothesis for the reproductive strategies I think was pretty good. Even gays were explained. Made sense for me and I read it when it was out right after my W's affairs.

As for GTA - I am a dry gamer so I must not get close to it. The hardest one to avoid was SC2 but if Warcraft IV is ever launched I may end up divorced :)

Anyway, removing memories and affairs - what was that movie that had a place to remove people's memories? Don't want to say any spoilers though...


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you thinking Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, nuance? That is a great fucking movie.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj, I'm pretty dense in most cases, but here, your pain is screaming.

There are few authentic people in this world. The confusing, contradictory signals todays society gives, produces exactly that. Confused, contradictory people. Very few are willing to put forth the effort to examine what is truth. What is the deeper meaning? What does it benefit me?

Today, hell, everyday I search for people who "get it". Who believe in something so deep that they are willing to endure ridicule and scorn to achieve what they believe. That is who I aspire to be, it is who I seek in my FWW.

The young man at DQ who returned the blind man's $20 from his own pocket after an elderly woman stole it with no expectation of reward. The speech Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith goes to Washington. Right or wrong, he believed what he was saying.

The passion of deeply held beliefs, truths if you will, is now held in contempt. "Go with the flow", "Keep up with society". Where is what we held to be true? Trudging one step at a time down a gentle incline that eventually leads to..., well you know. But it's not so bad today is it?"

What has love become? What is commitment? Why has it become so cheap?

Like I said, sometimes I'm dense.

Strength jj

ETA oops!

[This message edited by 5454real at 8:25 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2059 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nuance, the next step after being able to delete memories would be the ability to implant them. My guess, Total Recall


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2059 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, WAL - that's the movie.
Total Recall is also a very good one.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
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