Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: BellaBoo (44915)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: t/j grieve/mourn/miss for WH
sohurtbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

Thank you for starting the thread asking what you grieve/mourn in the loss of your relationship after learning of the A.

That got me to thinking and wondering what the waywards who are reconciling with their spouses feel they have lost. I hope you don't mind that I've started this thread, but perhaps it would help to understand that you too miss things that you have lost in your marriage. As a betrayed spouse, I sometimes (well honestly it's fairly often LOL) think WH had a grand old time, it's over now, and it's up to me to get over it. I'm going to ask him what he misses in our marriage that is no longer there because of the affair.


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 296 | Registered: Aug 2011
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too think that my WS had a grand old time during his A.

I have no idea if there is anything he misses about our relationship that is now gone because of the A.

My WS is not one for understanding consequences, it's just so much easier to blameshift or spin.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5381 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's over now, and it's up to me to get over it.

I have this very same feeling that he's Happy Hank and I'm the one with issues and have to get over it, although he IS going to IC and we're doing MC this week.

The betrayal is so deep that there IS no getting over it, right now, probably ever.

I might take a page from your book, so to speak, and ask Happy Hank what he misses in our marriage that is no longer there. I was surprised by the "Trickle" of info, so I have a revised DDay. The first DDay was Feb 25, and I was told it was only 8 months long with a skank prostitute and he only had handjobs and blow jobs, but this past week, I found out it was SEVEN YEARS long, and they did everything except the "back end" access.

It might be too soon for Happy Hank to verbalize what he misses--yeah, too soon because I'm still reeling and dealing. On the plus side, I finally stopped vomiting because I was so upset !!

[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:18 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 358 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been over 15 years since Dday for me. And Im really not sure what *getting over it* means.

Does a parent ever get over the death of their child? This is similar trauma. And yet no one ever tells the parent to *get over it*.

And what IS *getting over it* anyway? To have the LTA not matter anymore? To have it not color the relationship? To have blind trust again?

I really dont know.

I can get over not seeing a show when it was at the cinema. I can get over my WW forgetting to pick me up after work. I can get over allot of things. But I believe there are some things you never get over. They color your thoughts and decisions for the rest of your life. They are memories that remain painful for the rest of your life. There are events that change the direction your life takes.

At over 15 years I am not *over* WWs LTA. I doubt I ever will be.

But that doesnt mean I cant stay with her. That doesnt mean she wont be in my life. Im just not over what she did and I never will be.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.