it's over now, and it's up to me to get over it.
I have this very same feeling that he's Happy Hank and I'm the one with issues and have to get over it, although he IS going to IC and we're doing MC this week.
The betrayal is so deep that there IS no getting over it, right now, probably ever.
I might take a page from your book, so to speak, and ask Happy Hank what he misses in our marriage that is no longer there. I was surprised by the "Trickle" of info, so I have a revised DDay. The first DDay was Feb 25, and I was told it was only 8 months long with a skank prostitute and he only had handjobs and blow jobs, but this past week, I found out it was SEVEN YEARS long, and they did everything except the "back end" access.
It might be too soon for Happy Hank to verbalize what he misses--yeah, too soon because I'm still reeling and dealing. On the plus side, I finally stopped vomiting because I was so upset !!