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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: being the OW...how do you handle it?
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssa can correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think she intended on actually contacting the BW. I think she was saying she wants to so she can right her wrongs, but she knows she can not and is wondering how others deal with that. I think she was more venting, but she can correct me if I'm wrong.

I just want to add that as a BS with a MOW who has absolutely ZERO remorse, I give kudos to Alyssa and the other Waywards on here who do feel remorse and struggle with the pain they have caused for the BS.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you cliffside. And yes you are right, I have no intention of actually contacting the BW...she had asked I leave her and her family alone and I have had NC with either of them since then.

I was simply venting and asking how other WS deal with it.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
finallyfree2011
♀ Member
Member # 37998
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As the OW I can relate to your feelings of hopeless guilt. I tried to apologize to my APs BW too soon after D Day and to say it didnt go well was an understatement. I think I was just trying to make my guilt go away without really feeling what I was saying. And she knew total BS when she saw it.

It is especially tough if they are trying to reconcile which makes you the big bad wolf in all of it.

I am now over 2 years out and I still struggle with the guilt although it comes and goes now. But sometimes it hits me how destructive my actions were and I literally just want to curl up into a ball and die.

I too celebrated their pregnancy (while secretly wished a girl on them because I knew a boy would make him stick out the marriage) I too held their newborn daughter and wished for the hope that this meant we might be together one day.

Quite frankly my actions disgust me and I have learned that living with that guilt is just part of the consequences I have to pay.

Probably not the answer you wanted but just letting you know that I get understand your conflict.


Me - WS
H - BH

D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM

Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2013
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you finally free. Your answer was helpful cuz it helped me understand I am not alone!!


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 64
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