Maybe, when she was at home yet, and the affair (EA/PA) was in full-tilt, you could have bonded with your son more instead of spending every waking hour on-line or texting with the idiot! So she pulls out after I revealed I knew, and 5 wks later, she states that "I am his Mother and want to be in his life". Well,,,how about not cheating and committing adultery, and instead, loving the best husband a woman could ask for (me), and staying true to your real family! Jesus, I just don't get any of this.
I was pretty much over her and letting go (cuz I'd never take her back ever, and she prob wouldnt come back anyway), but she throws this in my face?!? Like "I" have something to do with why son "doesn't seem interested" in her. WTF do people think reactions will be like. Not just from family, but friends, co-workers, etc.?? But idiot and his kid just love her to death so all is still good in her world anyway. Cheaters, liars, betrayers, manipulators, deceivers, hypocrites, narcissistic. YET, they are so hurt cuz, where did all the love go? Anyway, Good Riddance!
She can't accept responsibility. Some of them may even say they accept it, but they don't really think that. Of course, you are bitter and vindictive- that must be it, right? I know I certainly have been called that.
They all look for some reason that you deserve it, that you are a shitty person too, anything, anything that will make them feel a little bit better and justified.
I stopped talking to my douche except for divorce therapy- about the kids- one hour per week. Every third day email. That is it. I can't stand listening to his delusional bullshit. It makes me too crazy...
Hang in there Jackfish....
"They all look for some reason that you deserve it, that you are a shitty person too, anything, anything that will make them feel a little bit better and justified. " Absolutely perfect quote!
I have had Limited contact since Separ, just trivial things like our son's activites, mail, sports/school schedules, etc. I have been, can't really find an adjective here...gracious? I don't bother her, in fact I have been so moving forward in my life, and this just IRKED me. Through marriage and now separation, she just cannot take responsibility! Thank god I'm relieving myself of this crap.
I was doing sooooo good, so is this just a blip in the radar? Keep soldiering on I guess.
I felt like telling her, You want drama, go to the movies. Jesus. What the hell am I suppose to do different? Maybe her idiot is feeding her bullshit ideas too? ""Oh Fabio, my son doesn't love me, sob sob," OH, that's ok babydoll, I think you're the most perfect human in the Universe and show nothing but pure love and attention to him...must be that evil husband of yours". Ya ya, I'm imagining but wouldn't doubt it.
[This message edited by jackfish at 11:41 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]
I think you need to have a father/son talk with him about it. Unfortunately in your situation you're going to have to be the bigger man (or parent) here and suck it up for his sake. Don't talk bad about his mother and see if he's missing her because she is gone. Sucks because kids are always the collateral damage in all this.
My son is now 14 and also what happens is they gravitate from child to teen and want to spend more "man time" with their father because it's who they relate to and look up to. My son is the same way about play time like fishing. He knows I will take him or be the one to throw the football around with. Moms not so much anymore. He's growing up.
[This message edited by SeanFLA at 11:45 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
You are so right about the transition from boy to teen. He has HIS world (friends, sports, girls, etc). And him and I have always had a bond. He knows and told me he can't understand why mom would leave me cuz I was so good to her. (he doesn't know about her cheating/adultery...yet).
I just treat and raise my son with love, and provide what he needs. No differently than I ever have. She frickin knows that too.
What did I do?!? arrrrggghhhh
As they say, I hope that 'your experience may vary'. But don't hold your breath.
Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Her little fantasy life is starting to have real world problems
My WH lied to my son’s face, telling him there was no OW and that I was CRAZY. My son later found out the truth. My son told me “Mom, he lied to me too.” He was so hurt. WH is still hiding his MOW, she is like a rat hiding in the shadows, but we all know she is there.
In my son’s football program the senior players answer some questions like favorite food, player, etc.
Under Person you Admire the Most, my son wrote: “My Mom, who has always been there and always will”. No mention of his Dad anywhere.
Consequences. Kids know the score.