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User Topic: Did anyone's xWS's not want to read SI?
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm interested to see if any of you recommended reading SI before you S from your xWS, and whether they didn't want to?

I always asked my ex to read this website but he was always too busy.

I just think he was too cowardly to face up to things.


Posts: 433 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mine won't.
cannot devote any more time to our recovery then he is currently at.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 47
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."


Posts: 3634 | Registered: Dec 2010
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never asked him to. He knows I'm on here, I've shown him a link from here before and he's read it. It's on my bookmarks on our shared computer. However, I never asked him to come here.

It was far more important to me that he attend IC/MC, SA meetings and read some books. He has done that. If he ever wanted to come here, I wouldn't mind, but it's not something I NEED him to do.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 1990 | Registered: Feb 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine had zero intrest in joining, and reading here. Intially he felt this way, and after he really got it, and was working hard at R, I didn't bring it up again. It was my safe haven, and my time away to help ME stay sane, and vent.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine won't either. He occasionally comes and looks over my shoulder when I am on here, but he doesn't really read it. Of course he is not like any of the other cheaters and liars that we talk about on here. He's special don't you know.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine wont either and that's ok. He has read the books I wanted him to and we have been going to MC for almost 2 years so its ok if he doesn't want to come here. Plus I like it that this is my place and not ours so I can post what I want


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1529 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBXWH has always thought SI and my therapist are the reasons I'm divorcing him.

Surely, it can't be because he won't go to counseling, read or make any attempt to fix himself.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
StepAside
♀ Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine *said* he tried to join but the username/email was already taken. I call bullsh*t on that...and reading, nope. Only if I sent him a link to something specific. too bad really, it may have helped him be more 'tolerant' of my inability to accept his effort crumbs at r. *shrug*


Me 47yrs, douche midlife crises poster boy- 49yrs
DitchPig -45yrs Shrek in drag.
Last Dday April 12/10-Divorcing
We live in a world where the fear of illusion is real

Posts: 1502 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: The Cheese Stands Alone
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before he moved out, I would read posts from here to him. Basically similar situations as ours. Even a few times, he said wow that sounds just like me. I don't really think he liked it too much, to actually see what an ass he really is.


BW: 41 (me)
WH: 45 (tool)
D-day 1: 1/2011 (confessed but not the whole truth until 2nd D-Day)
D-day 2: 4/2013 (found out it was with boss after 2 1/2 years of constant lies)
STBX confessed of EA with new boss

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Said it made her feel bad. Then said it made her angry because *everyone* on SI was saying her LTA was her fault.

Then. And this tops them all. She said my posting on SI was *the same has her having her LTA*.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine didn't like SI at all. He did join but only to post about something he wanted to prove a point on and he didn't like the answers...

He also regularly looked at my posts, but I didn't care because I thought we were in R and I wasn't hiding anything from him.

Unfortunately he was just going through the motions and his actions didn't back up his words. No-one else can fix that attitude other than the WS.


Sorry for my typos & editing, I have a sticky keyboard

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse'
OW1 - EA - my friend
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'

Thanking God for showing me how to smile & dance in the rain


Posts: 483 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
my2sons
♀ New Member
Member # 40216
Frustrated  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him to, but he hasn't read SI. He claims he'll do "whatever it takes" to regain my trust, and I've given him the tools to discover ideas on how to do so through reading SI, but he just doesn't seem that interested.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine just walked out on me. So, never got the chance to ask him to read SI.
His loss, on both counts.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB

Posts: 1784 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly? He'd rather take a searing hot needle from the roaring fireplace and imbed it in his eye before he'd ever take 3 seconds to read any of this.

Actually, he doesn't know about this site because I dumped his ass so he has no idea what I do on the computer. But I wouldn't share it with him anyway and honestly, he wouldn't sit and read any of this and I wouldn't expect him to. Most guys don't even want to read the back of a serial box.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him.

Posts: 954 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He'd rather take a searing hot needle from the roaring fireplace and imbed it in his eye before he'd ever take 3 seconds to read any of this.

why? What is so scary about this place?


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 47
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."


Posts: 3634 | Registered: Dec 2010
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never asked my WH to come here. I did tell him that I was posting on here though, and I always wondered if that caused him to lurk.

I got my answer a few weeks ago when he told me "how lucky I was" that I did not have a WS like some of these people (PA, LTA, etc) on SI.

Oh yes - I'm soooo lucky.


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had no idea my WH read this site regularly until last week.

In the first few weeks, he lurked here quite a bit. He was also downloading podcasts, and reading books/articles about healing our marriage, but most of that seems to have slowed down now.

I hope he's finding support here, but I'm not sure.


BW - 41 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH never wanted to read SI. He's pretty much afraid of being raked through the coals by people here even though I told him there are waywards here. He was a people-pleaser so he was pissed that I was talking shit about him here. I told him, but it's ok for him to talk shit about me to hundreds of people including some of his multiple OW online? He doesn't have an answer to that besides "oh didn't think about it that way".

He also got mad when I was feeling down and feels SI is the one contributing to it. Telling me I should stop posting. I told him, so stop listening to the encouragement people has given regarding our R? Then I told him to F off that SI is mine and if he wants to join, he can but no way is he stopping me, that this is how I heal and he just have to deal with it.

More times than not I tell him stories here and things from the library and good advice from people sometimes without him knowing it's from here and he appreciated those advice...

[This message edited by Simple at 6:50 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
tryingmybest2011
♀ Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is a member - I asked him to join, because I wanted him to get some good advice from the wayward side, and figured they could support him and encourage him, and even explain things to him, in a way that I am not able. Pretended to sign up willingly with good intentions, but after a couple of weeks of joining, does not read or write, and gets frustrated seeing SI in the browser history all the time.

He "hates this fucking site" because he believes it perpetuates the affair(s) and negative feelings. Ahem.


BS: me - 36
WH: him - 36
DD: 7
DD: 5 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 316 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
tryingmybest2011
♀ Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

why? What is so scary about this place?

Lies and bullshit aren't acceptable, is my guess.

Conflict avoidance.


BS: me - 36
WH: him - 36
DD: 7
DD: 5 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 316 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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