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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Where to start
nyca1973
♀ New Member
Member # 40405
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello
I have been reading the forums for a few weeks now and wanted to post my story but just didn't know where to start. I am not sure I know where to start right now but I think at least putting pen to paper so to speak is a start.
I have been with my husband for 14 yrs. Married for 4 of those.
We were together for 3/5 yrs when Dday #1 happened. He had a PA with my cousin, we broke up and he was with her for a year and half.
We mended out friendship and when he and my cousin broke up he moved out of town. Year later we decided to give it another try and he moved back to my town.
At first things were great and then the online affairs started. 4, 5, 6 I don't know any more but each time I figured there had to be a reason he keeps doing this.
Anyhow we got married after he promised the online crap would end and it did but after a year of marriage he went into a depression and was put on meds for PTSD.
Ok this is getting long. We tried for 3.5 yrs to get pregnant and ended up doing IVF. I got pregnant with twins.
In the middle of dec of 2012 he started texting the OW and I just knew something was wrong but anyhow on Feb 3rd he told me he was sleeping with her and on Feb 8th I had to have a C-section cause of the stress I was under and the pregnancy was already high risk.

Babies are good, I am a mess, we are trying to work things out but I have fallen into a deep dark depression and the only joy I have are my twins.

I am hoping here is a start for me have a safe place to talk and get some advice.

Thanks for reading my long ass post. LOL and I left out ALOT


"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it

Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
self-rescuer
♀ Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your first and only job at this point is to take care of yourself and the babies.

Focus on adequate nutrition and investigate IC. Even in the most healthy and supportive marriages having twin babies is wildly stressful.

Your concentration needs to be exclusively on yourself and trying to find avenues to healing.

Your husband must shift off your priority radar. His selfish needs and wants need to not cross your mind.

As hard as it is as you struggle with depression, build a support network. Professional help will serve you well and offer you the beginning stages of peace of mind so you can get back into the routine of life.

Sweet friend, my heart breaks for you. This is a horrible time in your life. You need to come to this site often and post post post. There are so many people who care and can offer insight and hope.

And, as unbelievable as it sounds, you will come out on the other side - happy and whole. The journey is hard but you have what it takes.

Many hugs to you


BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
noprincess
♀ Member
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs ((nyca173)),

I'm so sorry you are here honey.

I agree with self, you and your beautiful babies must be your main priority now. You didn't say if you H was remorseful or not. You may have to detach from him in order to begin the process of healing. Your needs and the needs of the babies first.

I would also add that you should talk to your obgyn. Expalin about the depression, tell your doctor about your marital situation, get tested for STDs (right away). Although infidelity is more than enough to trigger full on depression in anyone, post partum depression is also very real. You may need medication to help you at this point but at a minimum you need the support of your doctor. Also, is there anyone in real life who you can lean on during this time?

Keep posting honey, such good people are here to help.


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me be untactful. Your husband is a true POS. He needs serious, professional help, and I would make any further possibility of a reconciliation contingent upon him getting that and pronto, for long term.

The others are very correct. Your only obligation right now is to those two beautiful babies that you gone thru hell to bring forth. If he's got any chance of being recognized as a man vice a sperm donor, your WH should be doing everything in his power to support you, the mother of his children, and his children with whatever you need, and hold nothing back. You have absolutely no obligation to do one darned thing for him cook, clean, laundry, nothing. Your only obligation is to yourself and your babies. And you must take care of yourself. If you don't, you cannot take care of your babies, and they deserve all of the care and love that I know that you have for them.

This is the thing. You don't have to make One Darned Decision right now. You don't have to decide to stay or to go, nothing. You can take the time that YOU need to make your decision if you want to give this POS laughingly called a husband another chance or not. Take your time. Please talk with a lawyer to find out your rights. Please find an IC to talk to as well. I assume you've already found The Healing Library, in the upper left corner in the yellow box? If not, read it. Read posts in this forum that have the bulls-eye next to them. It's all good advice written by people who have been there and done that.

And do not accept one ounce of blame for your WHs betrayal. He made the conscious decision to go out and get laid. He did this to you with your relative. Then after making promises to you, he waited until you were at your most vulnerable, and made an experience that should have been filled with bliss and support into a nightmare. There is a special place in hell for WHs who screw around on their pregnant wives, IMO. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
nyca1973
♀ New Member
Member # 40405
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your kind and honest words. Honesty is still a foreign concept to me.
I am bi-polar 2 which is a fancy way of saying I suffer from depression with once and a blue moon manic episodes. I can manage without meds however with this last blow from my WH the depression is overwhelming.
I can not go on meds cause they turn me into a zombie and I need to be alert for my babies.
I just started IC only because I was on a wait list for 6 months or I would have started right away.
I was tested fro STDs right after I had the babies. Sadly this isn't my first rodeo, just the one that broke me.
My WH is also doing IC but he was doing that before to deal with his PTSD. Big help that was.

I am taking each day and enjoying every minute with my babies however once they are in bed I am left with my thoughts.

As for my WH, we have done a lot of yelling, crying, and talking but because I have always been lied to and manipulated by him I am still not 100% sure he has told me everything and I know he is still being selfish and not 100% committed. He thinks he is but I don't think so.
He has huge issues and I have told him he needs to figure it out cause I am sick of being his mat.
One of our huge problems is he is a photographer and guess where he met his whore? Yep through his photography which I once loved and now it makes me sick, unless it is pictures of my sweet babies.
That is where I am today. Lets see what tomorrow brings.


"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it

Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Topic Posts: 5

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