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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hi everyone - bit of an update
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been participating much on SI for the past month or so. The times when I have come here, reading a whole post is difficult. Holding my concentration through an entire thread was next to impossible.

Anyway, some events happened, both sad and some more like milestones, and things just came to a head finally. I got to the point where I felt helpless. Work wasn't getting done. Drinking was increasing a bit. Communication seemed to be nil. I finally googled the symptoms for depression. Nailed just about every item on the lists.

The following morning I told gerrygirl that I thought I should go in and get checked out. So, I'm on AD's now. The last time I was on AD's was during my EA, and I hated it. Gerrygirl has brought up depression with me over the past few years and I've been resistant to doing anything about it with AD's based on that first experience a few years ago.

It's only been a few days, so it's probably way to soon to tell, but I'm hoping things mellow out inside my head and that I can find my center. I don't know if it is the pills or just my mindset at "letting go" of this issue, or rather my resistance to AD's, but I've been more productive, and I've been having fun the past few days. I don't feel as worried about the things I'm not doing. I don't feel like I'm running away as much.

So, that's the story. Thought I would share with my SI family. It's hard to admit that there are still problems after all this time, but I think this is just an example of the whole thing being a process rather than there actually being a finish line.

Thanks for letting me share.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Baxter)))

I'm glad you talked to Gerrygirl about it and that you are getting help and taking care of you.

It's definitely a process, that's for sure!

You have our support, as always. Lean on us when you need to.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks AN.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
RemorsefulWH
♂ Member
Member # 36446
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck Baxter, you're always a great support to so many on here and I'm sure you will work through this.


Me: WH 33
Wife: BS 32 (love of my life)
DD 4
Dday1: 12/03/12 and a number of others until 15/04/13, disgusted in myself

Posts: 75 | Registered: Aug 2012
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read this this morning.
"Most of us have found that we gain the most serenity by letting go of any expectations we may have about how our recovery is progressing."

I know for me that I am at my weakest when I think "I should be stronger than this"

I think it is fantastic that you opened yourself up for help.

Wishing you the best!!!


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2629 | Registered: Aug 2012
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys.

Those quotes are right on.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baxter - it is always good to hear from you. Your self-awareness does you credit.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6101 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baxter
Glad you went to see doc.
What I have learned is the older I get the more I tend to let things bother me. Not so much affair related just life stuff.
Hope thd AD kicks the depression.
If not you know to see an IC.

Spelling tablet is haunted

[This message edited by heartache101 at 11:14 AM, September 15th (Sunday)]


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have fought this off and on as well. Mostly situational. I fought it three years ago, glad I started them, just went off and feeling great.

This experience doesn't have to be like the last one. You are in a different place in your journey. Glad to see you took the step you needed.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5068 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You saw a problem and you're working through it...together.

Wishing you both peace.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks ladies.

Yes, it isn't even stuff about the A anymore, just all the other stuff. But because of the A, the patterns and habits of old are discovered and that they need to be changed. Then you realize how far reaching and ingrained they have been in your life.

And yes, because of the work we've done, we can deal with this together.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Baxter!

I'm so glad you're checking in, and I'm really proud of you for taking a step towards looking into what feels like depression. In life there's never really a true absence of hard times, just different ways of dealing with them and how they affect us. AD's aren't for everyone, but I really believe that with a vigilant doctor's care, and Gerrygirl being so involved and supportive of this, you can find something that helps you out. Remember, it doesn't have to be forever, and you are always within your rights to ask for a change in dosage/medication/approach anytime you feel the need.

We're here for your whole family. You have a fleet of people rooting for you and hoping that you get some relief from the clouds soon.

Sending big hugs and good thoughts to you, GG, and the minis.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17838 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Bax!

Good to hear from you. I think your decision to go with AD's is a healthy and courageous one. Turns out a lot of guys in our general age range are silently battling depression. It's a very common thing, but it's just not talked about very often.

I was on AD's for about a 15 months or so, and they did wonders for me. Please note that I was so very reluctant to go on them. What also helped was a lot of therapy (CBT, in my case). One of the reading assignments from my therapy that dealt directly with depression is a book called "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns. I'd highly recommend this book to anyone living with depression. The AD's were able to show me how it "feels" to not be depressed, and the CBT therapy/reading gave me the tools to get back to that place after tapering off of the meds.

Anyway, it's great to hear from you. I admire your determination and fight. I'm glad to hear that you (and your family) are seeing some positive effects from the AD's already.

Please know that we're here for you anytime you need us.

Take care.


Posts: 7516 | Registered: Dec 2010
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37384 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you positive thoughts.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52599 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
badchoice
♂ Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good luck Baxter, thanks for sharing


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear from you, I hope the meds help! I resisted going on them too during a very bad time, but when I finally gave in, they helped a lot. I hope your experience is nothing but positive.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I hope you'll benefit from the ADs.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2227 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Baxter!

I'm so glad you posted and shared this with us.

You always have been such an important member here and this was a big hurdle to work through, but you and Gerrygirl did it together...that's wonderful

You are greatly missed!


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198282 | Registered: May 2002
Silentthoughts
♀ Member
Member # 40289
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been on and off different ADs for many years and overall they really help. Like others have already mentioned, you may have to try different dosages or change ADs to find the right fit. And don't forget a dose, it makes you kinda dizzy and fuzzy in the brain...lol I used to keep extra pills stashed in my purse and at work in case I forgot a dose or forgot to refill my prescription.

Good luck!


WW - early 50s (me)
BH - late 40s
3 grown children
Married 25 years
Online cyber sex dec 2010. I got caught late dec 2010. Lying and TT until full disclosure jan 2011.
In R we both are committed to staying in this M.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 20

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