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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Limbo Land.... Still
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't I get out of here? Why do I let him? The phrase that keeps coming to mind is - "it stops when you say it stops"

I was NC for the most part with him- unless necessary for kids, etc. Then in Mid July I went to Europe and made a pit stop in my home country too to visit my family.. and his, whom I continue to be very close to.

So the day before I leave, he goes all remorseful on me, like never like that before, EVER. and I fell for it!

I get back, and after a few good days - we seem to be back to square one. You see I no longer rugsweep, or pretend that things don't hurt, or simply put up with this BS like I used. So then we fight, then we miss each other, and so on it goes.

Then he was asked if he wanted to attend a Spiritual Retreat, 4 hours away from here. Mind you he is not a religious or Spiritual person, so I took this a step in the right direction towards healing for himself and our possible reconciliation.

After he left for this 4 day, men only retreat, I was called asked if I would be willing to go up there and surprising on his last night - as a way to support him. At first I said no a few times, and then I did end up going - driving 4 hours and being there to support him. He was happy to see me there and my daughter.

We come back, and I am now expecting a sort of a different man, more loving, more caring, I don't know - but something different. But not really -same old selfish person that he always was.

Today I am just even more disappointed, mostly in myself for believing that things could be different, that he was a different man as he kept insisting.

I'm leaving for another work trip to Europe, and he did not want to take me to airport - it's a 30 min car ride. I always asked my son before, but he is in college now - so I figured, ask him - Hey, he's till my husband, he wants to prove that he's this great guy now, that loves his family.. but yet doesn't mind that I take my car to the airport, park it 10 miles away in a bad part of the city, take a park van to airport, and do the same thing when I get back from an 8 hr flight - where one is really tire, and you never know if the flight arrives at some odd hour of the night!

I'm just disappointed! I think this says a lot about this man. This man truly does not love me or wants what's best for me, or is willing to make sacrifices for the sake of others!

Do I have a right to be disappointed? Is this a stupid thing to be disappointed about? I just don't get it!

So, when he called to come and pick up my DD, I told him don't bother coming in. I hate leaving on a bad note, I hate it! Just sad that my life continues to be this way.
But like I said in the beginning it stops when I say it stops... when am I going to learn?


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just posted on another thread in a different forum about "limbo" and a guide from SI reminded us there is thread about being in limbo in the "I Can Relate" forum. Check it out.

Yes you have every right to be disappointed. After his betrayal you have opened your heart to him again only to be disappointed. I have BTDT. It is truly heart breaking.


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Topic Posts: 2

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