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Newest Member: LostinBluseas (45054)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I think he just used me?!
overcoming2003
♀ Member
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His car was repossessed this week, which is in my name. He asked me to finance a car for him. We are separated. I said no. He found a place that would finance him alone (in house finance place). I have been driving him to and from work every day for him so that he wouldn't lose his job.

But he asked me for money to have a place to stay OR stay with me. Staying with me is NOT an option. Therefore, I gave him the money. He drove up in a truck with leather seats. Therefore my take from this is that he got a "truck' not a car...that he WANTED NOT what he needed. He took money from me who is the sole provider of OUR 10YO son. He knew I only had money for food and gas to get us through the month.

I feel used. He took money from me because of a want not a necessity. Didn't get a cheaper car for less down payment. He got a truck for more and took from us when I feel, he didn't need it.

The repossession is in my name. I feel sick right now.

[This message edited by overcoming2003 at 11:49 AM, September 14th (Saturday)]


Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. It sounds like that's what happened. I

Gently here, but I do think it's important for you to make one distinction (for your benefit) as you recount what happened, however. Say, "I gave" instead of "he took".

Food, clothing, shelter, education, medical for you and your son trumps anything your broke H might need for himself. It's time for him to get a second job and pay his own bills.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 950 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he used you, but don't beat yourself up over it. Recognize it for what it is, dust yourself off, and say no more. He's a big boy and needs to solve his own problems without your assistance.

I did the same thing - gave POS some money for transportation while we were separated. I was simply trying to be decent. It was for a rental car because he didn't have his own vehicle where he was, had no job, and needed transportation to attend job interviews. If I wanted CS, he needed a job. He ended up not only preauthorizing the gas refill (so he wouldn't have to spend money to fill the tank upon return), but he returned it late. It made me furious, but also taught me a lesson - no more assistance of ANY kind because vampires never stop sucking blood...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:35 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you know better you can do better.

So next time, remember this lesson. He has taught you that his wants will supercede your and your kids' needs.

Repeat until it sticks.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
overcoming2003
♀ Member
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely acknowledge that I gave him the money. The point that I was making was that he took, or received it fully knowing that all I had was money for two purposes. Food and gas. I didn't want him outside so I gave it thinking that he was getting a necessity...a simple car.

BUT that isn't what he got. However, as many of you stated...it IS a lesson learned. From now on...all correspondences will be via text. I will no longer answer his calls so that I don't get caught up. If I don't like his text, he will get no response. The answer to all questions in which include, "can you please give, loan or let me have, support..etc" will be NO.

What is the point of being separated if he is still dependent upon me. That was one of the issues that I had in the first place. The fact that he asked me to help him finance a car after allowing the car that is in my name to get repossessed...says that I need to file for legal separation ASAP and then for a divorce.

I need to move on. SMH and angry at myself.


Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did this because you are a decent human being and you are expecting rational behavior from an irrational person.

I did the same thing with a former boyfriend. I finally just had to walk away from the crazy. I had to write down every single way he did me wrong and when I was tempted to help him/talk to him I re read the list. I never told him about the list, it was to help me be strong.

My counselor then suggested I write down all the good qualities about myself. She said for me to keep this list close and anytime I wanted to go back to him or when I met someone new, to look at my list and see if THEY deserved me.....

You'll get thru this,,, we are here to back you up.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2012
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that he asked me to help him finance a car after allowing the car that is in my name to get repossessed...says

that he is a selfish, entitled asshole!

Get the D filed to protect yourself financially so he can't rack up any more marital debt you may be held responsible for. That truck he just bought? Marital debt that has to be divided like everything else. Once you file, you are protected from any other debt going forward...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 7:02 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 7

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