"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
What do I want?
Not an easy question to answer actually. I haven't asked that in years
I want more fun. My life has all been about work for years. I want to move to a smaller house and work a lot less. Nurture friendships and laugh and make plans and run. Last night I ran for the first time since dday. He pushed me out the door to get me to go and I appreciated that so much. I need to run as it's where I get my space to think and feel. I've been a bit scared of that since dday. But it was good.
On a more serious note I want to be able to feel. I've issues from childhood made worse by his illness that mean I find it much easier to bury feelings than to feel them. I've worked on not eating my feelings away and have lost weight and that's great but I'm still not tackling this. Some of my anxiety is the fact I can't allow myself to feel angry with the AP never mind my husband. I start IC tomorrow to address that.
What I mainly want for my husband is for him to address his mental illness and do all he can to be as well as he can be.
I want R. But a genuine R and to get there properly I need to feel the pain and we have a lot of shit to address
I realise it will take time but I am just going one step at a time for now
I also want the psychopathic witch to suffer. A lot