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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: been going on for four years
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have an appt with our parish priest for Monday. I ask WS to disclose anything else that's the truth so I'm not blindsided by anything when we see our priest, because it's one thing to lie to me, but he'll go straight to hell if he lies to our priest.

He said the A had been going on for 4 years. FOUR years of me being oblivious.

What an asshole. I was clueless. FOUR years and I trusted him when he said he was going to the movies.

Four years and now he tells me he was going over to her apartment, and then to her new apartment, and they also continued doing it in her car/truck, and really, I don't even know if that's the truth. He met her at a party at "Fred's" house (I was invited but didn't go) and they hit it off. Oh goody.

How trusting was I ? A lot.

Not any more. He can kiss that shit goodbye.

I am so pissed.


Me: early 60s
Him: 64 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 262 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
1devastedmom
♀ Member
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I understand your pain. My husband lied to me for months before I found out the truth. 15 years of prostitutes. I felt like such an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. Some days it's too much to bare.


Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Reconcilling

Posts: 123 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
PositiveAttitude
♀ Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How trusting was I ? A lot.

My husband carried on with OW for almost 3 years, and even though I thought it was possible a time or two had no idea it was actually going on! I was completely trusting, and if it hadn't been for her desperate need for me to know . . . I'd still be in the dark.

I will never fault someone for trusting their spouse. Hell, I trust mine again - and he still misses the OW. So how naive am I?

Hugs to you!


Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
sad12008
♀ Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't ever feel like you were oblivious because you trusted the person who vowed to be trustworthy and always have your back. Spouses of both genders get raked over the coals for being too "controlling" or "jealous" or other have other negative things attributed to them if they DON'T exhibit 100% blind trust, but then get ridiculed for being "blind to what was going on under their noses". Each is mutually exclusive, thus it is an unwinnable situation.


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3778 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Marriage is a commitment and bond of trust. So it would be reasonable to trust your husband. That is what marriage should be. Choosing to lie and be unfaithful to our partner is not what we expect from our partner.

Don't be hard on yourself for trusting, husband lowered his standards when he chose to be untrustworthy, breaking the bonds of marriage by infidelity.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 552 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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