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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Separated two weeks and he's already found The One
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been keeping up with S2BxH activities since our separation 2 weeks ago - mainly to document his out of control behavior for child custody. The day after I kicked him out of the house he signed on to 3 dating sites and 3 hook-up sites. One he paid a $250 subscription to!
Anyway, on one of the dating sites he found a woman that was "one that got away" in college. He wined and dined her on Wed and it appears they spent the night together last night. He sent her a text and told her that she was the only one for him and that he had taken down all the sites. WTH!! He has been banging everything that would give him access over the last 2 weeks and now he's going to settle down again. I'm freaked out and hurt that I could be replaced so easily.
I haven't seen him contact his new FWB person with this news and I'm pretty sure the hook up sites are still in place. I have a hard time believing that he will be faithful to this woman and the whole thing just makes me sick.
Thanks for letting me vent.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, the court will not see the behavior you described as a factor in child custody.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29625 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
sammie
♀ Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And he is doing this because he is a sad and pathetic little man who needs ego kibbles. She is not THE ONE! She is an idiot who stands still long enough to let his ridiculousness enter her earholes! He is nothing but WEAK WEAK WEAK! Maybe you should stop monitoring his rank stupidity. Its only going to hurt you and make you furious at the same time.

Big hugs and FTG!

[This message edited by sammie at 8:08 AM, September 13th (Friday)]


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you are going through this.

He is showing you how broken he is. Healthy people do not act like this. He is in like a panic mode, needing to fill up the broken part inside of him.

You now see the sinking ship. Do you want to be the one rearranging the deck chairs as it sinks, or the one that gets the hell out and out of the way of disaster?


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2683 | Registered: Jan 2010
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with Cat, the court won't give a crap what he does on his own time. They care about abuse or neglect of the children, but that's about as far as that goes. With that in mind, you can stop keeping track. Not tracking his online activities is a form of NC. NC=no new hurts.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 738 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine did exactly the same thing with someone he found on OLD. It was sad and pathetic and she dumped him after a month or two, so he went back to banging the OW.

Broken people have to fill that gaping hole somehow.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17411 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
hemademesingle
♀ Member
Member # 21281
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if it will help with custody or not,

Mine has been with the 5th that's the "one" in the last 3 years they all seem to leave him after a few months, when his personality becomes clear to them,


Posts: 385 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You STBX is a fucking boob. He is destined for a bad relationship, and is fooling himself about the whole thing.

Either The One will come to her senses and run, or he will follow his pattern and start cheating. It won't end well.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1983 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that hurts! My STBX did something similar, signing up for dating sites immediately after separation. Well, the legitimate ones, we know he was on the cheating websites before separation.

Anyway, it is true that the court won't care nor will they consider his dating activity when it comes to custody. Seriously. I mean, hey, my STBX was (is still?) dating a convicted felon (heroin dealer) who JUST got out on parole. Do you think the court cared? No.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9707 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And he is doing this because he is a sad and pathetic little man who needs ego kibbles.

OMG Sammie, ^ cracked me up and it is so true. Phoenix, she is not the one. Your S2BXH is bat sh*t crazy right now. He doesn't have the frame of mind to have a stable relationship. Your H is a douche!!! Hang in there and hugs your way!


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
forced2moveon
♀ Member
Member # 12014
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The courts will not care one bit about how many women he dates and how quickly he found someone after his separation from you. They will only care about his care for his child and how well her needs are met while in his care. Please stop torturing yourself by following his activities online and text messages. Actually, if he had proof you were following his activities, you might come across as the unstable one. I know it hurts and it's like watching a trainwreck, but please look the other way and focus on your healing.

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Southern California
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To add insult to injury I found out that he is taking her on the romantic trip to Napa that we were to take here in a month. They are staying at the same hotel as we did for our 15th wedding anniversary. UUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!! Does the man not have any heart!? They just freaking met online 5 days ago!


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No he doesn't have a heart. No conscience. No empathy. He is an empty shell of a man who needs to feed off of someone else in order to feel alive.

You should stop looking. He is a disgusting excuse for a human who will do unspeakably cruel things when he thinks no one is looking. Don't keep hurting yourself by exposing yourself to his sick lifestyle. She is not "The One" There is NO ONE on this Earth that is going to fill that black hole that is where his soul should be.

She is "the one" he is settling for now until "the one" who makes him feel better comes along. Or until she sees the pathetic POS for what he is and leaves him alone...whichever comes first.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a complete douche bag!!!! You deserve better than that shit!!! Screw him!!!


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it is hard - but please stop taking it personally. It has nothing to do with replacing you. He is broken.

To add insult to injury I found out that he is taking her on the romantic trip to Napa that we were to take here in a month

Please-please stop looking...you will drive yourself crazy.

Think about it - what you are seeing/reading is only hurting you. He is still off playing regardless.

Time to focus on you - block/delete your access so you are not tempted to look anymore.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please read "She's Special" - its the second article down.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

And "Romantic Infidelity"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity

Broken attracts broken. I know it hurts to feel like you've been replaced but sometime soon you'll see that whomever he is with is merely a bandaid. Yes, they are living the life you would have lived - with a lying, cheating scumbag.

Many of us here have joked about sending OWs Thank You letters. I'm not thankful I was betrayed but I am thankful to be free.

As you watch this car crash evolve you'll find yourself feeling fortunate to not be involved.

None of what he is doing will be relevant for custody. Please read about NC/180 in the Healing Library and start weaning yourself off from checking up on him. NC = No New Hurts.

((Phoenix9572)) I had a 3m False R of begging, pleading, 'I'll do anythings' and swearing on our childrens heads that there was only the one OWUglyIndian from DD. I suspected many others.

20 weeks after S this 40 y/o loser was ready to introduce OWUmpteen, his 24 y/o office gopher to my then 2 and almost 5 year olds as his GF.

It is crazy making. I know you can't believe what you're seeing right now but like many of us you will realise he never was the man you thought you married. THIS is the guy he really is, I was in love with the mask he wore.

He thinks a bandaid will fix the big gaping hole inside of him. You and I were those bandaids for some time.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Please know you're not alone. I promise it won't always hurt this bad.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To add insult to injury I found out that he is taking her on the romantic trip to Napa that we were to take here in a month. They are staying at the same hotel as we did for our 15th wedding anniversary.

It depends on what state you live in whether it matters. It mattered in mine for settlement of assets and support.

Also, if he's spending marital assets on trips to Napa, that needs to be accounted for and taken out of his share, doesn't it? Divorce can drag on and if he's spending the assets that belong to you, you do need to know that.

Be careful with how you are finding out this information, though, as if it's illegal in your state, you won't look too good in court if you are caught.

Talk to your lawyer. Be smart with the divorce proceedings. Get through that and then deal with the emotions, as best you can! I know it's hard!!


Posts: 1266 | Registered: Aug 2010
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, good grief. "The One."

Sorry, but that sort of magical thinking is what got me into trouble in the first place-- I wanted so desperately to believe that I'd found "the one" for me that I romanticized a lot about him instead of seeing him for who he was.

What your STBX found was "The One For Now." The reason that she probably "got away" in college is because she realized that he was a jerk. Now, many years later, she can look at him through the romantic fog of the past and think, "Maybe he could have been the one."

Let them have their little romantic weekend. It won't be long before this lady realizes that what's in the past is best left there.

(((Phoenix)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix9572, How have you been spending your time these last 2 weeks?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
sammie
♀ Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is taking her to Napa because he is an unoriginal fuck who could not plan his way out of a paper bag.

Durrrrrr I neeedz to impress a whore who may suck my tiny weiner duhhrrrr. *limps over to phone book and starts thumbing through it* Duuuhhhhh where do I go? What do I dooo? durrrrrr. *drooling moron drools and stares at phone book.* I KNOW! *light bulb goes on over head* Napa valley! All duh girlz like Napa valleyyyyy! duurppkknmmzzzzzz *falls asleep from exertion.*

That's how it would have gone. He is a FOOL!


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

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