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Fun & Games Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One Praying Mantis Away From Losing My Shit
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I've been kinda pissy lately. Don't know if it's PMS, perimenopause ( really? like it's not bad enough to have one, but both? my ovaries, they disappoint me), sun spots or I'm just over due for a fit.

Today it all culminated in a perfect storm.

Woke up, went down stairs to get my coffee. The electricity must have flickered over night, cause the time was flashing 12:00 and the auto maker had not gone off. Fine. Make coffee.

Get my cup and head upstairs. About half way up, I notice what I thought was a piece of mulch on the vertical riser on one of the middle steps. As I got closer (it's dark, but we have lights alone the stair way), I suddenly realize that it's not mulch, but a fucking praying mantis . The one bug I fear. I mean genuinely fear. If I had to choose between touching a praying mantis and death.. well hello hell, where's my seat?

I scream. I backpedal. I fall backwards down the stairs.

In a pile, I start yelling for the boys. Thank God they were still home otherwise I would have had to call in sick to work and make up an elaborate lie. I don't think "praying mantis" is on the check list for reasonable paid time off.

DS16 comes barreling out of his room and starts speaking to me in Spanish. Oh, did I forget to mention that this is his latest way to irritate me... speaking to me only in Spanish. I pick out a few words: loco, madre, que, comico... I'm too traumatized to even yell at him.

DS15 comes out and starts down the stair to help me. In doing so, the praying mantis must feel threatened, and rears back on his hind legs and poses his front legs in a boxer pose. I swear. DS15 sits next to me on the riser and pats me on the head , laughing hysterically while I try to explain wth is going on.

Several minutes later, I gather myself and threaten to make their lives a living hell if they don't stop laughing and GET. RID. OF. THE. MONSTER.

Oh, suddenly it's not so funny when they have to deal with this leggy sticky thing.

DS16 must have finally gotten the seriousness of the situation and gently scoops it up (while whispering something to it in Spanish.. I know he was talking about me) and takes it outside and sets it free.

Now they're late for school. It's my fault. I have to call the school and explain. *Note to self: avoid the school secretary at all costs in the future. I'm sure I've got "praying mantis lady" in red ink next to my name on the contact form at school now.

Go to work and a kindergartener tell me, out of the blue "I hope you fall in some fecal matter" . Wait, you can't spell you own name, but you have the vocabulary skills to know "fecal matter"?


Go to lunch and have a 5 minute argument with the sonic employee that can't understand that I don't want the happy hour 1/2 price drink because I have a FREE coupon. "we can't do 1/2 price on a free drink" .

Back at school and
in the hall, the school nurse offhandedly tells me that one of my charges (who is a hugger) just went home with head lice, better come and in and get checked . Lovely.

Go home and lo and fucking behold, there, on my front step is......the damned praying mantis.

Wine at 4pm anyone?


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14852 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Unfound)))

Are you posting this from outside? How'd you get past the monster at your front door?


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37750 | Registered: Sep 2007
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

your wine madam


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52320 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am guessing that posting a praying mantis picture might just get me banned...

So I'll just say... I hope you're ok Unfound!!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called DS and he came outside to move it... and, in his words "me debes lo grande"

[This message edited by unfound at 5:51 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14852 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh thank you sooo much for making my day!!!!!!!!!!

I laughed so hard I scared the doggies and the cats are doing the "OK...she's finally lost it" look.

Personally...I like Praying Mantis (Manti for plural?).

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6563 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37750 | Registered: Sep 2007
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you've saved all of your story posts. I'd buy that book

I'm looking forward for the movie too. I'd probably even pay extra to see it in 3D


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37247 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 is pretty early for the bad stuff to stop. Just sayin.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6491 | Registered: Jan 2011
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate you Rebreather.

things I've learned today:

According to the big box store, there is no spray or traps for praying manti.

Mr unfound will not let me airtight caulk all the windows and doorways in the house.

The spanish translation is mantis religiosa. Doesn't make it exotic or any less scary.

I need to save up and get the sapphire diamond gold premium upgrade so I can go back and laugh at myself .


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14852 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have no idea how giddy I was when I saw you had posted in F&G. You just KNOW you're in for a great story.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So how was this morning?


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6491 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 12

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