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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How do you deal with triggers?
FragileStrength
♀ New Member
Member # 40640
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like deal with them, deal with them... not just get past them, but root cause, never come back again, exiled from my mind, deal with them. Being cheated on for 8+ years, there are a LOT of them...

I have been writing them down. Listing as many details as I could possibly remember about the original incident as well as the specific details that act as a trigger. My doc said to talk them through with WS. Not a blaming or defensive conversation, but just stating that this is a negative trigger for me because of xyz. Letting him speak on his end to express his truth (if needed). Then to just have him acknowledge that he understands how I can see it that way and this is what he is doing to fix that for me...

Doc also said that specific trigger incidents are candidates for EMDR. Anyone ever do that? I've read up the wazoo about it but never tried it myself. Tips, pointers, thoughts?

What ways do you deal with your triggers?


Dating 9 years (8.5 years committed)
DDay1 - July 20, 2012
DDay2 - April 24, 2013
Multiple EA and PA from the beginning of our relationship.
The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it. - Big Sean

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need help dealing with triggers myself. I did do the EMDR but to me that's a waste of time. Yes, it gets your mind off of it and it's a great way to relax but the re-programing part is BS in my book. I wasted a whole hour in therapy on that. However, that's just my opinion. There's some EMDR videos on YouTube that are free and they are amazing relaxers for when you're triggering.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

btw - I think EMDR would make me trigger right now (the EMDR music videos on YouTube) because that's all I did for a month after DDAY.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it helped to identify the root cause and put a name to it. That way, when the same trigger would surface, I at least would have a name to put to it, which would help shield myself from it.

For example, a few months out from d-day, I would have a minor panic attack every time I took out our garbage or recyclables. Made no sense to me. Eventually, I decided to go out to the garage and face the garbage can. Then I realized, I was standing in front of that garbage can when I initially confronted my wife and my world fell apart. My subconscious mind was somehow tying that object in with the hurt. So from that point forward, that trigger was named "garbage can", and I was able to mentally prepare myself every time I took out the garbage.

Sounds strange, I know, but triggers can come from the strangest of places. I ended up with a whole list of these things in my head, "Garbage can... laptop... Comfort Inn...". I felt like it was a personal arsenal for me to use against these triggers.

Hope this helps. I have heard wonders about EMDR. I almost went that direction myself, but ended up finding a lot of relief through AD's. Good luck.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 4:02 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


Posts: 7038 | Registered: Dec 2010
Topic Posts: 4

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