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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do they all revise history to justify?
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took a few months, but I'm finally starting to hear some of WS's excuses. They are complete fantasies... but he seems to believe them.

A girlfriend of mine/mutual friend of WS was persistent about trying to contact him after DDay#2 to make sure he was okay. She said he texted her some stuff about having been unhappy in the M for awhile. I never pushed her to get details.

I did this morning. She told me that he said he had been "miserable" for years. That I was a bad person because I made him buy furniture for our apartment (?????). She said he spewed a series of additional ranting texts that hardly made any sense.

When he was all done she just texted back: "Then why didn't you D her before you cheated?"

He never texted her back. He hasn't talked to her since.

Yesterday one of WS's coworkers called me and told me all of the lies he's been telling about our S/D being "mutual" and that we had been having problems since November and a variety of other lies. She said even she told him his stories don't make any sense and that the only thing she can figure is that one of us must have cheated on the other one because we were such a lovely and loving, beautiful couple. He told her "we will not be discussing this."

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 8:09 PM, September 13th (Friday)]


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am reminded of a quote I saw.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it, but those who rewrite history intend to repeat it.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is really crazy. It is defense mechanism to deflect the guilt and to avoid having to look in the mirror.

As I have mentioned before, I believe in the boogeyman. That boogeyman is coming for these deceptive guys/gals and it is not going to pretty. The boogeyman will rip them to shreds, take them to their knees- maybe in a month, a year, 25 years- but he will come. You can't ever really be happy trying to build a new path lined with lies, deception, hurting others, betrayal, no happiness or peace can come of that. At least not in the long run.

For those very few that stay in their denial, never show regret or remorse, stay happily with their OW, they are simply souless. Or too stubborn to admit they made a mistake and then try to make it work. But the boogeman will still get them in the end.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Strongmama
♀ Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I'm pretty sure most do this.
My gross ex loves to say I cheated....
It's so pathetic that he still says this.
He says so many crazy things I'm almost positive he's so crazy he actually believes himself.
Mental!!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds very familiar...lol. My primary thought is that rewriting history is the only way they can live with themselves. They have to find some way to justify their actions - even when it is completely fabricated.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4528 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I JUST finished posting on this very topic before i read this thread. I am very frustrated at his revision of our relationship, his insistence that he was/is entitled to screw around because I didn't look after him in the bedroom or support him in his endeavours - both of which are outright LIES.
Now he is even revising MY childhood history to provide fodder for his rationale about his behaviour. He lies about his relationship with his kids, about his own family who have supposedly "abandoned him". He lies to himself and others about our status. He has blatantly told people we were getting back together after we separated, and now that the D is final, is telling them he's "hopeful" about our future together. As I said in the other post, he is either the world's greatest liar, or he's delusional - not sure which.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just talking about this last night with a couple of SI folk that I got together with. We all agreed that our XWHs revised a great deal. Mine told me:

"I thought about divorcing you during our honeymoon... I also thought about divorcing you before we had kids."

Really? REALLY? If he was so damn miserable, then why didn't he just divorce me? Especially during the honeymoon-- we hadn't mingled any finances yet, had a month-to-month lease on an apartment that we could have easily and quickly terminated, and there weren't any children to worry about (and wouldn't be for another six years). For about ten of the seventeen years we were together, we were childless, so he had every chance to end things in a much more sensible way!

I can't imagine spending all those years in a relationship with someone who made me that miserable; I would have broken things off. Maybe we spent all those years together because it really wasn't miserable-- it's just conveniently miserable now because he had an A and needed an excuse to make himself feel better about the havoc he wreaked on my life and our children's lives.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When he was all done she just texted back: "Then why didn't you D her before you cheated?"

He never texted her back. He hasn't talked to her since.

I think this says it all. She didn't respond right so she's banished to the cornfields in his mind.

They don't believe a lot of the crap they spew themselves. I know my ex did quite a few contradicting rewrites and tested a lot of theories on why he cheated hoping he would find one that would make everyone stop holding him accountable for his horrible decisions.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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