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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A new highway?
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...here is a new to me thought.

My wife and I are in a different spot...unlike any spot we have been in our marriage before....and I am not talking about recovering from adultery, though that is true enough a different spot for us too.

It is as if our marriage pre-A was us in the same car driving along Old Route 66. It was good in many ways, fun sometimes, not so fun other times. There were stop lights and many cute stops along the way...we both enjoyed it. Traveling this road served us well...for a while.

But then something happened. Its like we decided to take separate cars but continue to caravaan together. It worked for a bit too...but then we got out of sync...like we hit stoplights wrong. I would make the green light and she would get stopped...and vice versa...maybe even go through different drive-thru's for a quick bite.

It was not great, caused me some anxiety, but soon enough we would be bumper to bumper again. But still not enjoying the light conversation that comes with riding in the same car.

We both knew this wasnt feeling good...but thought "no biggie, we will catch up at night when we stop at a hotel"...which we did....and that soothed us for a bit.

Then the tragic happened. We were out of rythm due to a series of missed stop lights....my wife got tired and pulled off at a motel...but her mate for that night was not me...it was her AP.

....it is a jumbled mess for a while....as if we had to wait for the gas station to open up to get a flat fixed before we could get out of "Affair Town, USA".


We get the tire fixed and we decide we are both willing to give up our individual cars and once again ride together...four less tires to worry about if we just have one car!

It is awkward...not sure what music station to listen to, topics of conversation seem illusive, not sure if we hold hands....

But then we get back out on the road...but the road is not as we left it. We find ourselves NOT on Old Route 66, find ourselves on a modern interstate. There are no stop lights to get us out of sync, when we stop for a meal, restroom break, hotel...it is just us, and we do these stops and excursions together.

We both know it is good, and yet awkwardness still exists.

Its not like I miss Old Route 66, but I dont hate it either. It was the only road we knew and it was getting us somewhere. But I really enjoy the simplified travel this new road provides for me.

This make sense to anyone but me?

It is odd for me in that I am a guy who loves old cars and nostaligia...so this example of a modern interstate is contrary to who I am.

To be sure this simplified mode of travel in my mind is NOT steril or devoid of interesting scenery (like much of todays real interstates).

I developed this thought as I transported a trailer across my state for work....couldn't go over 40 mph with it, so I was forced off the interstate and took outer roads and sections of Old Route 66. I enjoyed this trek, but don't want to travel like that every day.

TIME.....still need more of it to really learn all I need to from this.

Relational stories like this help me process my thoughts.

Thanks for reading this long post.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:00 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3669 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good analogy, blakesteele.

Do you feel like it is smoother driving now, and that there are less obstacles in the road than there used to be?

I enjoyed reading this very much.


Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love these analogous stories. I have my own, based on the "thrown under the bus" metaphor. I think I'll PM it to you... it's far too long to post here!

Your story makes a lot of sense to me and I certainly can relate!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losferwords....haven't digested this fully but it does feel smoother....less clutter....more focused. Been keying in on this whole "intentional living" concept. It starts with firm priorities....my priorities were out of whack pre-A.

This new highway can do nothing but improve who I am and what I get involved in in the future.

We are just about to reach the city limits of Affair Town....can't wait till its fully in my rear view mirror!

I see SI members in the distance....those that have journeyed down this new highway before me.

Lets roll....


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3669 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 4

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