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Newest Member: datehimhatehim (45059)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help: Friend JFo this morning & is getting married next month
laliz
♀ New Member
Member # 38267
Question  Posted: 11:53 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I might gather some advice from the SI community. My friend is "getting married" next month but just found out this morning that her partner has been cheating on her with someone from her graduate school cohort this past summer. (I write "getting married" because they actually married in NY last fall as a same-sex couple, but will be having a ceremony here next month on their one-year anniversary.) Technically, they are already married, but the event next month is the real deal: white dress, bridesmaids (which I am one), reception, etc.

I'm meeting her for lunch soon, and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice? My plan is just to listen and lend support as she's in the JFO stage. I feel like she's in a pressure cooker of stress given the usual anxiety of a wedding looming over her head, and now with this news....yikes.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!


Me: BS (36)
Him: WS (40)
DD: 1/27/13
Status: We are living as roommates

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jan 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm afraid if they are already technically married, I don't really have much advice, as the upcoming ceremony really has no long term implications one way or the other. Just try to be as supportive of her circumstances and decisions as you can.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
laliz
♀ New Member
Member # 38267
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just try to be as supportive of her circumstances and decisions as you can.

Good advice, thanks!


Me: BS (36)
Him: WS (40)
DD: 1/27/13
Status: We are living as roommates

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jan 2013
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being supportive doesn't mean bad-mouthing the partner just so you know. Just listen, say you're here for your friend and for the marriage. That way if they do R, you will still be considered a friend of the marriage.

Hope that helps.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 1:36 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just be there and let her know that you understand the hurt and betrayal she feels.

She has to decide whether it is worth going through with the ceremony.

Is her partner at all remorseful or ?

You are a good friend. Give her an SI hug.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1163 | Registered: Apr 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You might consider steering her here to the site for support. She truly has JFO and is going to need all of the support possible. Assure her, if you steer her here, that same sex couples are more than welcome. And if you don't want to out yourself, tell her that a friend told you about the site when they were going through a similar situation. It's true you seem like a friendly sort to me and I am sure feeling friendly towards you!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4857 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
laliz
♀ New Member
Member # 38267
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your feedback-I'll post and reply more later tonight when I have more time, I just wanted to give you all a shout out and say thank you for taking the time to write!


Me: BS (36)
Him: WS (40)
DD: 1/27/13
Status: We are living as roommates

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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