She says they weren't and is hurt that I don't believe her (though she says she understands completely). She is doing what I asked her to do, but without the "of course, anything you need" enthusiasm I was hoping for. I don't know how to take this.
Enthusiasm may come in time. Actions > words, so it may just be she is wrinkling her nose at the shitpile she created and still has to clean. Good luck man.
she had never worn anything like that for me before. So when I found it I just assumed they were for somebody else. She says they weren't
I think she's full of it.
Next question, somewhat related to snooping. I've been trying to create a timeline of the events in my head. When, where, how many times and so on. Should I sit down with her and go through it? I know she will do it, but for those who have already done this did you find it helpful or hurtful? I wouldn't call it a burning need to know, but I still find myself going through old emails wondering "is this a day?" Should I wait until I am more sure as to whether I want this or not?
[This message edited by Montreal at 10:07 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]
I am glad your WW got rid of the lingerie. And, as someone who has struggled with self-image issues, I can actually relate to her explanation that she had it pre-A and was keeping it as a motivator. That's a very female thing to do, IMHO. That doesn't mean that I don't totally agree that if it bothered you, it needed to go. Just saying that maybe she's not gaslighting you on this particular issue. Just my opinion and I'm a BS too.
Best of luck to you on this crazy rollercoaster.
You really are very recent from d-day, and "snooping" (in any way, shape or form) is totally normal. After a betrayal like this, even when you are sure that there is nothing else going on, it is human nature to remain wary.
Just after d-day, whenever my WH would leave the house, I would ransack it. I checked every drawer, box, pocket, nook and cranny. I even checked the toilet wells. When he wasn't looking, I went through everything in his wallet. And yes, I checked his underwear. Did I feel a little ashamed and nasty? Sure... but boy did it give me peace of mind when I came up with nothing every time!
You do what you need to do for you right now. That being said, do not obsess. If checking up on your WW becomes a full-time job, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate. Otherwise, what you're going through is perfectly normal.
Just hang in there, and keep a watchful eye. ::hugs::
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."