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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dealing with "divorce is always a sin"
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I'm not a Christian, so you may have to take this with a grain of salt. However, I also don't think that God approves of finding hookers on Craigslist either. It may not state that directly in the Bible, but had Craigslist existed when it was written it probably would have been included.
I can't imagine any church implying that you should tolerate abuse like that just to please God. You are worthy of much more and I think God thinks so too.

I'm not a believer but a big "Amen" to this.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not religious, but come from a very conservative and religious family. While I sort of get a "pass" on the D because of my XH's cheating, my whole family looks down their noses at divorced people. I know they think D is a sin. My own parents have refused to attend second weddings. While I don't share their faith I do dread remarrying because the idea of dealing with my family makes me sad.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
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Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, speaking as a church administrator, I personally would tell anyone who presumed to tell me that divorcing an abusive and/or unfaithful spouse was against church teaching and that I was not a good Christian because of that, that they could go straight to the devil. They obviously don't read their Bible, and worse, IMO, forgot that Jesus said that, in order, one should love the Lord and two, love your neighbor as yourself, were of primary importance.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
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Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For one thing, God never calls divorce a sin. The actions and hard hearts are what caused God to ALLOW divorce.

Best book on the subject is Divorce and Remarriage in the Church. It gives you what scripture says in context and culture and will give you much peace moving forward. That book is the reason I made the first move in filing for divorce. I wanted to follow God's word exactly when it came to both divorce an a possible remarriage.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
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Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got this too, particularly from a very devout friend who felt inclined to inform me that although the Bible ALLOWS for divorce in the case of adultery, because "God hates divorce", it could not possibly be God's will for me or His leading, and I was mistaken in my belief that, after months of waiting, prayer, fasting, and begging for guidance that I felt sure God was showing me that I needed to end it.

I told him this:
Every orthopedic surgeon would say they hate amputation. They hate doing it, they hate seeing it, they hate the pain and anguish and trauma and permanency of it all. But, they also know that sometimes it is necessary, and can be the best thing in the end. I think that is how God sees/hates divorce. He of all beings understands completely what it is to be betrayed.
I DO believe that God's will for me at this point is to be out of this marriage and I am completely comfortable with the fact that I am now divorced. I have no issues with being remarried either.

True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
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Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I attended divorcares - a support group that has Christian connections. Some people in the group struggled with that same concern, but were told that the bible justifies divorce under two circumstances - infidelity being one of them and that you are free to remarry.

I can not understand any religion that would say you must stay married to a man that cheats on you and breaks the vows he made in front of God and man.

Move on!!

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 481 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
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Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miss Marple, I think that you probably should actually take a deep breath, and step away from your home church for a bit. Seriously. What kind of christians are these people that they would a. be all up in your business. b. judge you for what you have done?

Find a few new churches in your area to attend. God doesn't care where you worship. Honestly, he told me. Living in the bible belt even in this day in age, it is accepted that spouses of partners who choose infidelity are not only ok, but are supported, and helped by the church members, not judged.

(((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8718 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
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Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not involved in organized religion at all.

During my divorce, at a social function at very religious friend's house, I was talking with her minister about things. His take on it was pretty simple, no god doesn't want you to get a divorce but he didn't god wanted you to put up with non-biblical behaviour. He summed it up as the 3As - Affairs, Abuse, Addiction. He wouldn't counsel people to stay married if they had tried to work it out and were dealing with any or all of those three things.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because of what you're dealing with at your home church and what you said here,
Hopefully I can help support other women in my area that are facing similar scenarios. I hope to set an example of strength and courage
I would encourage you to go to the DivorceCare website ( and find a church near you that offers this course. Chances are you will find a much less judgemental church if they are offering this excellent divorce support group, and you may find it in your heart to stick around and volunteer in the DivorceCare ministry.

I can't say enough about DivorceCare. I love it.

Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 7824 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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Member # 40530
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix is right. I have read this extensively and my pastor agrees. Prior to finding out about A he had already let me know that being spiritually and emotionally abandoned also counted in that aspect. I am finally accepting that it has been 24 yrs of emotional and mental abuse. WH broke the vows and is in non-believer status. He has chosen to leave and begin a life with OW. I am free and clear in the biblical sense although I plan to focus on my kids and not dating. I have no plans to date until divorced legally. I won't lower myself to his adulterous standards. The bible says a husband is to love his wife the way christ loves him. Mine certainly didn't. God will judge WH and OW in the end. I don't believe it is a union that will be blessed. I can only hope that in the future I have the opportunity to be blessed with true christ centered love. For now, I am learning who I am and trying to be the best mom I can.

Me: 43
WH: 47
M: 20 yrs Together 24
4 kids: 13, 15, 15, 17
DD: 6/24/13 PA
Status: Separated. WH living with OW.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Florida
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Member # 26001
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those that do believe, I would suggest that any god who doesn't support an individual's right to leave an abusive situation wouldn't be worth worshiping.

That being said, that people.. church elders or otherwise.. who would advocate staying in a toxic and abusive relationship are not worth giving the time of day.

Me: FBS/WS 41
Her FWS/BS 41
My DDay - March 10, 2007 Whole Truth - May 2007
Her DDay - March 2, 2011
True NC March 3, 2011

Posts: 462 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 31
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