I really feel for what you are going through. When I was younger my parents divorced due to my father's A. He wouldn't leave the OW. We were very religious. Ironically the members turned their backs on my mother and us kids after that. I don't know if it was because they felt awkward and didn't know what to say, Or if it really was them being judgemental. Either way your relationship with God far outweighs any nonperfect sinners perceptions. Do what you feel is best for you and answer to the One who knows your heart the most.
I have always tried to remind myself that church is a hospital for sinners, not a shrine for saints.
Best of luck to you
I was told that adultery is an acceptable reason to divorce, according to the bible.
the message that I got was that God doesn't LIKE divorce, none of us do really, but he does LOVE EVERYBODY, regardless, whether they are divorced or not.
Also, look up Leslie Vernick on YouTube. She also has a website. She speaks mainly to abuse, but her words & counsel are also applicable to divorce. You will be comforted & armed with resources!
It's Christian, bible-based, and specifically addresses this topic.
It's also welcoming to those who are less religious, but the focus is on the scriptural support for those who divorce.
Yes, God hates divorce but there are worse things than divorce. Black eyes and bloody noses are worse than divorce. Bruised and battered souls are worse than divorce. Raising children who grow up to hate God because of the example their father set for them are worse than divorce...
There was a lot more but this is what still sticks with me all these years later.
Release yourself from the guilt and do what you need to protect yourself and your son.
[This message edited by luvbug0915 at 12:16 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]
Mark Driscoll has a sermon on divorce that I found to be helpful in relieving the guilt I felt over considering it. I don't have the link, but I'm sure a web search would pull it up.
"Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to."
This is your decsion to make not theirs. Be strong in knowing that it's very clearly outlined in the bible, new and old testament that Divorce is acceptable in cases of adultery, and abuse.
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
But as I said, I've been surprised. Before i reached out to the schools and church, I was actually thinking of converting to another religion that is more liberal.
Have you thought about finding another church?
Here is one of my favorite Anne Lamott quotes for you.
“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your image when it turns out God hates all the same people you do.”
FWIW, my WH is a devout (albeit hypocritical) Catholic. He was married previously, but was able to obtain an annulment from the Catholic Church so we could be married in church (which was important to him). The Bible allows for divorce on grounds of infidelity or abandonment, and there are arguments that allow for the remarriage of the "innocent party." So I have definitely been down the road you are on.
Ultimately, everyone has their own opinion of what is/isn't the right course of action, and even church leaders cannot agree. If you feel what you are doing is right in the eyes of the Bible and God, then do it. There is so much room for interpretation that a general consensus will never occur.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
20 yrs. old, single, naive, thoughtless, but not deliberately hurtful.
OW#2 05/2010- 07/2010
44 yrs.old, married bitch in heat who acted like a whore and got treated like one.
That Leslie Vernick site is great. I think I'm gonna order her book on emotionally destructive marriages. My WH is also emotionally abusive, and I just can't live with him anymore.
However, I am still faced with others that think that divorce is never okay, and that I should wait (forever?) for him to repent so we can reconcile. Or that if I divorce him, I can never get remarried
I have a feeling I will bear the stigma of being divorced for a very long time.
If you surround yourself with people who feel this way about you, then perhaps it's time to find better people to surround yourself with.
[This message edited by lieshurt at 5:04 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]
"Some of us don't see people how they are but how we need them to be".....quote from Uncertainone
I can't imagine any church implying that you should tolerate abuse like that just to please God. You are worthy of much more and I think God thinks so too.
I live in the Bible Belt, so the divorce stigma is hard to get away from in this part of the country. Hopefully I can help support other women in my area that are facing similar scenarios. I hope to set an example of strength and courage.
Hopefully I can help support other women in my area that are facing similar scenarios. I hope to set an example of strength and courage.
Wow..You are an amazing woman to be turning a hard, horrible trial into a blessing for others.
Perhaps, in time, a change in churches would help and give you a fresh start.
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 6:35 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]
Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.