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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this cheating?
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry, but:

He was sitting talking to a single girl having a meaningful conversation

All of a sudden (in his words) the girl charged him and kissed him (full on tongue kiss).

Later that night I found a photo of the girl in his email.... laying on top of our boat in a sexy pose, in her bikini..... My husband also stated, "I'm not going to lie, she was hot."

He is lying. There is a lot more to this story.
You need to start investigating.

(((inconceivable)))
sending you strength


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Dec 2012
Safeguard
♀ Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. I just re-read your first post. Your WH is really acting like an arrogant, narcissistic, S.O.B.

When I talk to my husband he says my reaction does not fit the event. My husband feels completely better but I feel terrible. It has been one week and my husband thinks the topic should be dropped by now. I feel like he is resenting me now for having all of these emotions.

So...He feels better, it's all good now?

He doesn't get to tell you, how you should feel! particularly after one week!

Here's what he gets to do:
Stop lying and Man-Up!

Tell you ow's NAME. (Trust me he knows it.), and anyone who knows her, and can possibly collaborate his, "she attacked me" story.

Get himself into IC ASAP.to work on his obvious self-entitlement issues!

Then he gets to, sell the damn boat!


[This message edited by Safeguard at 9:44 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Betrayedone1969
♀ New Member
Member # 40046
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with everyone else here. Full on tongue kisses don't just happen by accident. Who sent the picture via email, do you know? Go into stealth mode. Something here is very fishy, and its not the boat!

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2013
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry but I am a guy! And I don't want to be cruel and hurt you more than you are already, but his story is bullcrap! Come on ? The hot girl in a bikini on my boat had a meaningful conversation with me and then stuck her tongue down my throat?! That is all I will say . I wish you all the best in whatever you decide


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 684 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
mandan66
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Inconceivable, this from a guy perspective also---read, and re-read ((Lucky)) and ((Safeguard)). Some hard truths there, but truths, IMHO. Your Husband sounds like someone who was afraid of being outed, so he came up with some cock and bull story about how innocent it all was. Don't buy it!


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
knockedforsix
♀ Member
Member # 31383
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there, my WH confessed to kissing a former longtime friend (more between my husband and her and her husband as they had previously worked together than me). On this occasion there was no alcohol but he had just employed her on a 8 mth contract. He forgot a pass to get into the building and as she lived near he borrowed hers and returned it later that night. Apparently they got into a meaningful conversation and then "well it seemed she wanted me to kiss her so it just happened - it was only for two minutes". You ask if your husband cheated - well even if it was just as he described it was cheating. I completely agree with the other posters that he shouldn't have been in the position for this to occur. This has been my problem all along with my husband. The "kiss" has wrecked havoc on my marriage, introduced trust issues and caused innumerable arguments. Clearly my WH's boundaries were skewed and it certainly sounds if your husbands are as well. We did read Not just Friends which helped him understand. Might also help your WH understand that his confessing to 'just a kiss' isn't the end of it and he is completely unreasonable to think after a week you should be fine. Heck its been 2.5 years for me and I still wake up in the middle of the night steaming with anger that he could have been so stupid to put himself in a position where this could occur. Actions have consequences....


Me BS 49
Him WS 55
Married 13 years together 14
D Day 13 Feb 11
R going well despite the odd setback. Starting to believe we will make it.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Australia
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Inconceivable, this from a guy perspective also---read, and re-read ((Lucky)) and ((Safeguard)). Some hard truths there, but truths, IMHO. Your Husband sounds like someone who was afraid of being outed, so he came up with some cock and bull story about how innocent it all was. Don't buy it!

This was my first thought, as well. I think he's been a little too public with his "hot" little bikini "buddy" and someone either told him he'd better tell you something before they did, or maybe he was afraid someone was going to mention this gal to you because too many people have now witnessed some inappropriate behavior between these two on his boat.

I completely believe this story was self-serving, and not at all shared with you out of a sense of guilt or loyalty.

I think it was pure CYA before someone else got to you. And of course, it was painted to make him look totally innocent. So in his mind, he's now covered the 'boat buddy' issue and managed to make himself look like the innocent, devoted husband in the process.

I think you haven't NEARLY heard the whole story. But I'll bet he's bragged to his buddies about what's going on - and they're keeping tight-lipped about it.

Time to start investigating.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll bet he's bragged to his buddies about what's going on - and they're keeping tight-lipped about it.

This girl most likely has friends with her - I bet the buddies are doing the same things. I wonder if one of their wives/girl friends found out?

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Sweetie,

I am so sorry you are here.

I think 'life as usual' needs to happen.... so you can get around to some really good stealth mode clue finding detective work.

There are tons of ways you can check without him knowing. If you find he was truthful, great. If you find MORE ... then keep playing along with 'life as usual' so you can amass the information you need. If he is lying to you he will continue to lie to you.

His defensiveness about you not 'being over this' in a week worries me. What exactly is he defensive about? If he was remorseful he would understand your point of view and want to help you and prove you can trust him. He would be willing to change behavior (like not go places with his single (?) buddies without you!)

Check his fb friends and follow the chain of friends. (Many people do not have private fb pages.) He may have a friend who has a girlfriend who is friends with this girl. They may have 'party pictures' posted from the lake. FB or other social sites have told on many affairs.

Just keep your cool. Act like all is well. This 'kiss' bothers you a bit but you are getting over it fast. Try to act as normal as possible so he feels comfortable. Then carefully watch (with recorders or whatever!)

Good luck to you. I hope he really is telling you the truth.


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2011
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told you a tidbit because he's testing the waters... he wants to see what kind of consequences he's going to get. He's most likely had a full on affair already and probably his guys are also in on it (definitely not friends of the marriage if this is true).

So sorry but there's more to this. You'll need to start investigating WITHOUT his knowledge and don't let him manipulate you into thinking this is now your fault or make you feel guilty about not trusting him blah blah. He CROSSED the line. Not you.

Hugs your way.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Topic Posts: 30
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