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User Topic: AP, who are they?
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I guess one thing that is very apparent here is that it really has nothing to do with what the AP's do, what schooling they've had or not, what they look like, whether they are younger than us, older than us, young or old...we really just don't figure into the picture at all and really, neither does the reality of them. Just whatever fantasy our WS assign to them.

How many educated women and men here have never cheated in any way?
How many stay at home mom's and housewives have never cheated?
How many attorneys or nurses or folks on food stamps have never cheated? (really? In this day and age, with so many struggling...are we going to use that as an indicator of 'worth'?)
It would seem all that matters is boundaries...you've got them or you don't. You may have them now and not later or you may have never had a reason to even think about them until you are waist high in a moral dilemma or impending disaster.
Some people learn. Others go on to be repeat offenders and really seem to deserve nothing more than shunning (or worse) for the rest of their lives. And that, friends and neighbors, is why it matters not whether you are college educated with a silver spoon perched betwixed lips at birth or born in a barn.

Attempted OW 1- old hs friend, newly divorced, lost a bunch of weight and in newly found freedom heat.

Attempted OW 2- old gf who refused to screw him as a teen because he was 'too big' but regretted it years later. Se was in a lesbian relationship and they wanted him to father their child and then some...didnt happen but nice ego stroke to him I guess.

Very blurry lines in here...hard to explain but really screwy. Lots of people and bad juju.

OW 1- old friend who had always had the hots for him but she was too young and he didnt think of her like that. Years later, after hiring a PI to find him, she hooks up with him on fb. This story is complicated and blurry too.
She is something in television production in California. Lots of dollars. College educated.

OW 2- sad, old hs friend, single mom..very lonely. Don't know what she did. She really just needed her own stable family and love. She had no idea she was causing me any harm. I hold nothing against her.

OW 3- very wanting to spread her wings 21 yo married girl. Their relationship broke up her previously thought happy marriage.
No college, worked at same place as H as equals.
This situation was really the beginning of serious loss for me but this is because of him, not her. I understand and can identify with her and what happened. It's my H who is the lothario.

OW 4- his "platonic lesbian friend"
Frumpy, mousy old hs friend who always liked him.
Don't know about schooling or job.

OW 5- she's hard to say. She lied about everything. Like every word that came out of her mouth was a lie so I'm not sure the truth about what she did or didn't do but as far as I DO know: she may have had a little college or a lot. Some, I'm just not sure the truth of how much.
A lot according to her...she almost a nurse but I don't think that's true. She also worked as a project manager for a well known financial institution. When I met her, she was working for a cruise ship line selling vacations. She was fired from there for FMLA fraud.
When I kicked her disgusting, evil ass out of MY home, she had no job, no money, nothing.
She has two daughters. The eldest fights with being disgusted with her (even without knowing what her mother really does with her life) and her youngest is a minor who lives with her dad while mommy dearest has supervised visitations. Youngest literally cringes while her mother is around her. I didn't understand why but I do now.

Anyways, that's most of it. There's more but when you've lived a poly or swinger lifestyle, even reluctantly, some of the lines get extremely blurry.

The common theme is that all the women were really hurting and wanting so bad to a. Have what I had...a husband who dotes and glows with adoration for his wife.
Yes, it's true. Despite all my H's crap, I'm the goddess. He's never wanted to be without me and he's never, until recently, understoody why I would be hurt when I'm so above it all. It's ridiculous because I've been devastated but he wasn't getting it...and b. they needed a serious ego boost (in some cases, not all) and what better way to do that than to take the goddess's man who adores her so much, it literally radiates from his every pore? Right? Well...they've all done just that and I feel like a fool. Or lost. Or something. I no longer know.

I'm sorry, I cannot write a succinct post at all. I barely even talk in real life but here, all the emotion just comes out in a blathering explosion.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
dayatatime
♀ Member
Member # 17090
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

high school counselor who taught parenting classes with my WH


BS 52
WH 55
son 13
ddays 9/27/07 and 9/1/10

Posts: 764 | Registered: Nov 2007
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MBA in marketing and advertising. Her real duties? Making reservations, and little booklets for meetings. And those all important christmas card mailings. She never kept a job for more then 1.5 years. Most were 3 to 6 months. Now has switched to real estate and rental property background checking. Shes 36 and still single. She sells insurance to high risk out of her apartment. She wants a sugar daddy. Shes a leech and very lonely.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 951 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW in our case...

Everyday Sociopath

That about says it all!


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW is unemployed, divorced (she was married once) with 5 kids by 3 different men. She is going to a career college as well - to do/be what? Idk. She also craves fame (she tried modelling and acting but failed) so she has put her kids in everything imagineable so they can be the "next Tyra Banks".


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started this discussion to show that reality is not a stereotypical AP from any specific walk of life. They come from everywhere, literally. Scary in a sense, but it shows that boundaries must be up at all times. There is probably a bit of sociopath in all of them and that includes the WS as the other half of the A.

One pattern I see in this short list is the availability and close work/social relationship between many of them contributing to the A. I am old enough to remember the backlash when fire dept, police, and EMT dept added women to their rosters. The wives of the men were up in arms about a women living or riding with their husbands all day. Again, it all begins inside the person with boundaries and I now know they have to be discussed nearly every day for my peace of mind. I want my H to remember he does not have to be polite to everyone and some people need a quick, swift kick out the door.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1527 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

multiple academy award winner


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 576 | Registered: Jun 2011
LoveActually
♀ Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was a stranger from another state that he happen to sit next to at a hotel bar while away on business. She is a PR director for a college, mother of 3 still not divorced from her husband but went on to have another affair right after her affair with my husband and currently lives with that one.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 777 | Registered: Jan 2011
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have found this post very interesting and glad you started it. I know that you asked about "AP's" and I hope you don't mind if I put my thoughts out here about prostitutes. Not exactly the same thing I realize, but I have asked the same thing, "who are they?".
I have wondered about the numerous prostitutes my WH was with overseas, what kind of young women were they? I happened upon a photo of one sitting in a living room, looking very average. What I know about them is they come from various countries to Dubai, I assume to make money. I wonder if in some cultures prostitution causes shame on their families? I wonder why they are willing to be subservient and pretend to "want" old, out of shape, westerners? I am guessing that they laugh their asses off making fun of the dumb ass men who think they are their "girlfriends", just my guess. What do they do with the money? Do they fear STD's, getting robbed or beat up? Did someone teach them how to be a prostitute?
I wonder if the prostitutes have been sexually abused when they were younger? Did they ever have a boyfriend? Do they have parents who care about them? Do they have goals or dreams for the future?
I wonder if they will ever be able to be in a normal, loving relationship and have a family someday? Do they have any respect for themselves?
I don't hate them, I hate what they do. I hate that my WH contributed to their messed up lives.


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
mindbody
♀ Member
Member # 27941
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LCSW(Licensed Clinical Social Worker)who was also working at a sports facility with WSO.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2010
Crumbled324
♂ Member
Member # 33902
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Failed entry level Mall Wart manager, currently a lumber salesman. Married father of 3 - 2 graduated, 1 in HS.

[This message edited by Crumbled324 at 1:56 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


BH: 46
fWW: 45
Beautiful 8 year old daughter
Married 22 years, Together 28 - High School Sweethearts
Reconciling

Posts: 87 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Michigan
Drew_n_Va
♂ Member
Member # 31043
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Production worker at a factory 500 yards from where I work. Twice divorced with one kid who is being raised by his family. He appears to have Olympic sprnter speed as every time our paths cross (the curse of living in a small community) he rapidly leaves the area.


Me: BH 50
her: fWW 41
Married 19 years
3 Beautiful Kids (14,8,6)
D-Day: 1-26-11
Status: Reconciled
"From Happy to Separated to Divorcing to living together again in 16 Days."

Endeavor to Persevere


Posts: 425 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Va
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Isn't it sad that I read each and every one of these posts to see if our OW was OW to one of you all.

OW - teacher, cross-country coach, part-time pet groomer with a small kennel in her garage.

And a married mother of two until she and my H became engaged. Now she's a single mother of two.

[This message edited by sudra at 8:27 AM, September 13th (Friday)]


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1498 | Registered: Nov 2010
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is a dental hygienist.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Decimated
♂ Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was an unemployed, married, father of two kids and old high school friend. also an arrogant, lying, cheating narcissist.


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
prowoman
♀ Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

student / receptionist


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who is the AP? The office mattress.

Simply put, an AP that knowingly engages in an affair with a M person is a:

selfish, dishonest, lying, arrogant, morally deficient, poor excuse for a human being.

As for the MOW my WH had an A with:

I do not know her so I will rely on what she told my WH her BS always called her:

A Moron

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 12:11 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
deadroses
♀ New Member
Member # 40710
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Disgusting piece of shot....that's her profession


WH....him

BS....me

two month affair with a supposed friend....more like a filthy whore

R.....it's going well (so far)


Posts: 32 | Registered: Sep 2013
hitbyatruck
♀ Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW#1- EA- High School GF

OW#2- EA/PA- RN student, 20yrs old, single

OW#3- EA/PA- Hospital desk worker, married mom

OW#4- EA/PA- Half house worker, single

They were all co-workers. I feel there were more that I don't know about.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The majority were people in close proximity to me, with the exception of one. No place, no profession is safe. There are safe people and unsafe people.

Teacher (my coworker/friend)

Admin in manufacturing for a family business/ also "good" friend"
she stood up for me in place of my sponsor in church during my conversion and that act is the reason I that after I completed full communion I did not go back. I found out a few weeks after and could not go back. I stood up in front of the entire church with her hand on me...and this was almost a year after my Dday...so...I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain how that feels.

Bartender in a dive (an acquaintance)

Teacher aide (an acquaintance/my coworker)

Sales person for major mobile provider (fwh's coworker)


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
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