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User Topic: t/j the college plan--- empty nesting, how are you all doing?
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that many of us have had kids go off to school recently.

How are you all doing?

I had somewhat of a rough time this year. She's a senior, she's living off campus for the first time...it seems like she is just growing up on me and I am having trouble letting go (this is not news!).

She's gone two weeks, I'm doing better. Was in a funk the last two weeks but I'm shaking it off, because...I have no choice .

I asked her if she'd like me to visit this weekend. It's the start of football season and LD will be glued to the couch so I thought I'd take a ride and spend a few hours with her. She told me she has too much schoolwork to do so I'd better not. Damn her being so responsible!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37143 | Registered: Sep 2007
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The youngest came home and I left for a road trip with DD2 to the city we will be moving to. I get back tomorrow and she's at XH's. I think I'll see her Sunday in church.

I'm doing ok. Changes are underway, and that is taking my focus off everyone being at school.

Glad you're feeling a bit better And your DD is responsible.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4994 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Busy is good, I guess.

Good luck with all your changes and I'm sending lots of hugs back to you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37143 | Registered: Sep 2007
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the empty nest! Mine have been gone for awhile and I especially miss my girls since they live on opposite ends of the country and I rarely see them.

But my son is about an hour away with his beautiful wife and adorable children and so I see them more often. Grandchildren are the new chapter in life for me and I never dreamed I would love being a grandma as much as I do. Also, my daughter-in-law is like another Daughter. My son-in-laws are all great but I don't have the same closeness with them as my daughter-in-law.


Posts: 5715 | Registered: Apr 2006
LoveActually
♀ Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my gosh I'm so happy to see this topic. I settled in my 18yr old daughter two weeks ago at a college 12 hours away in another state. My son is in his junior year at a college an hour away. So, I have been an official empty nester for 2 weeks now--feels really weird. Not good or bad just soooo quiet. I miss my daughter terribly we did everything together. 18 seems so young to me now when she is so far away making decisions without me. She is a good kid with a good head on her shoulders but I have had lots of anxiety in the middle of the night I must say--my thoughts run wild from what if she is drugged laying in a frat house somewhere to what is she is locked out of her dorm and a Ted Bundy like person offers to help--I watch too many crime shows--I know--lol. I feel anxious like I need to do something but I don't. I have been a mom for 21 years and it's weird not rushing around and waking people up and stressing out over teenage drama every minute. I went from mach speed 100 every day to 15 mph in a school zone. My husband's gone this weekend so honestly the first time in many many years I have been really ALONE. It's what you said though--I have no choice. I have to keep on keeping on.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 768 | Registered: Jan 2011
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LoveActually)))

When she left for her freshman year I remember thinking how quiet the house was! It felt like it lost its energy! And, like you, DD is my friend, shopping partner, cooking partner, etc. We do a lot together. My H tells me it's like my best friend left.

You do get used to it but for me, it will just always feel strange.

When DS left I still had DD at home, but with them both gone it's very quiet. And I am enjoying the peace and time with H, it's just very different.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37143 | Registered: Sep 2007
LoveActually
♀ Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, like you, DD is my friend, shopping partner, cooking partner, etc. We do a lot together. My H tells me it's like my best friend left.

^^Exactly

And I am enjoying the peace and time with H, it's just very different.

^^But, this too! I used that word exactly to tell someone what I was feeling--PEACE. I'm kinda diggin that part and the fact that we can eat whatever and whenever we want and not get the eye rolling and "is this what we are having again"--we eat a lot of turkey a lot of different ways--trying to stay healthy! Also, I love the fact that when I go to do my make up or hair that all of my stuff is right where I left it and my clothes too--not laying on her floor after she wears them! I guess I can find some things I really am enjoying.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 768 | Registered: Jan 2011
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This will not happen for me...

My DS, who just turned 12, is not going to be allowed to grow up any more. He's got to stay right here!!!

I'm not looking forward to the empty nest in 6 years... ugh.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24416 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LoveActually,
My wardrobe decreases drastically when DD leaves. She has much nicer clothes than I do and she shares! And she has the cutest sandals! But the bathroom stays much cleaner, that's for sure.

The other thing is that she loves to cook and is so good at it so now I have to cook every night and I cook boring stuff. She's always trying new things. And she loves to bake! Ooh, I miss her brownies and chocolate chip cookies!!!

Jrc,
Don't blink .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37143 | Registered: Sep 2007
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are one month into our empty nest, but it is due to us moving.

It was really hard for me to move and leave them all. Two had already moved out, the last one had not.

Our youngest is going through a rough time with making bad choices and that is making it tougher for me to be away.

I do enjoy the other aspects of empty nest though. Less mess, more time with myself, and Hl. We are finding our way around making a new life with no kids. We do like it.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4712 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our youngest is going through a rough time with making bad choices and that is making it tougher for me to be away.
(((TG))) I understand. I did find that with my DS it became easier not living with him or near him. It allowed me to detach more easily. I still have my moments of panic and my worry over him, but being able to have his choices be his choices and my not having to live and breathe them every single day made it a lot easier.

Enjoy your quiet, peaceful, and cleaner house!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37143 | Registered: Sep 2007
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The empty nest was bittersweet for me as a parent the first time, but I was ecstatic to see our son go away for good after he stayed with us a year after graduating.

And I was so excited for myself when I left home....


fBH (me) - 70, fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9940 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our son just went off to college. He's my son from my young first marriage, and I single parented him for several years before meeting DH so we have always been especially close. Mind reading close.

I was really worried about my emotions when he went away. DH told me I was going to surprise myself, but I was sure I was going to be a mess. But it's weird because I really miss him, but it also feels ok that he's away. I feel like I've been emotionally preparing myself for it for a while. And he's doing great so that helps.

My 8 year old daughter is probably having a harder time than I am with it, and that's hard.


Posts: 3187 | Registered: Mar 2005
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember when our DS left, DD had a hard time. That didn't last very long because he got expelled and came home before the year was over .

Anyway...Circe, I know what you mean. As much as I miss her, knowing how much she loves it and how much she is learning and growing makes me okay with it. I just can't allow myself to wallow in her being gone and all this growing up shit.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37143 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 14

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