I think our situations are very similar. I also feel as if I am 'waiting' for something. Some sign. Some kick in the butt... I don't know.
Am I ready to take down the walls and go all in on R? No - I don't think I am. But I'm not ready to walk away or give up yet either.
Stuck in the middle. Not ready to fully recommit and not ready to leave. Just, stuck. And miserable.
If you're going through something similar, then I feel for you. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Yes.. I'm still doing the counseling. It helps... and I've learned a lot about myself and what I really want/need. But I'm still stuck on the fence. I know I'm not happy. I know there is no connection with my wife. I know I could be happier with someone else - starting over, not having the baggage, the crap in the past. But that step just seems so hard to take. And the last thing I want to do is get it wrong, and look back with regrets.
But maybe that is unavoidable, no matter what choice I make. Me: BH, 36
Her: WW, 37
Two girls 8 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009
She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.