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User Topic: Did u ever ask?????
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I did ask. He never spoke about me. (but OW knew he was very married) I didn't exist in their Unicorn Rainbow Farting Fucking Friday Afternoons in Hotel Room Fantasy World. Just as hurtful as if he bashed the hell out of me. I. Did. Not. Exist.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SisterMilkshake and I are married to the same guy.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 719 | Registered: Feb 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Issaquah
♀ Member
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him if he spoke about me to his OWs and he claimed he didn't as it would "ruin the mood". However I know that he did speak/email about me and say some pretty critical things. He also showed the first OW my picture - why the heck she wanted to see that was beyond me. I saw some emails that he sent to different women. Some of the things he wrote were: Our sex life was subpar (he told that to most of the women on OkCupid - it was practically his opening line), that we had sex but it wasn't as satisfying enough for him, that I might be mentally ill (this was right after DDAy - duh!) and he did tell his OW about my very personal triggers/mind movies about that OW when we were in false R.

I will share that when I first found out what he was doing I made fake profiles on various dating and sex sites to see if I could find him (I did on a couple). Because I had a profile I did get messages from a bunch of men and all of them had nothing good to say about their marriage/wife.

I think the WS does that to both rationalize their behaviors and build up the AP. "Oh poor me, my wife is so awful, I'm so lonely in my M and you are amazing" feeds their fantasy world.


BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
Scubachick
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband said he never talked about me and she never asked. Whatever! I find it hard to believe that a woman would not ask a single question about the wife of the man she was out with at 3am. She told me he asked her "So, where does your husband think you are right now". Then she tells me how devastated my husband was when I was in the hospital with a kidney infection and dehydration. How we just lost my sister and now I'm sick! Looks like he wanted her sympathy. She said she's never seen him so devastated and that he loves me so much and would never do anything to risk losing me. I couldn't help but laugh. I told her I wasn't in the hospital, I was in the ER for a whole 4 hours. Even after she tells me all this, my husband still says he never told her anything personal about me or our marriage.

Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2013
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, he put me and our marriage down to justify his actions. Now note their A lasted less than one week, but here are some of the crazy things he told her in their gchats which I have saved:

-He was checked out of his marriage & we were like roommates and lived separate lives(it would had been nice if he would have let me know)
-My clitoris is messed up after having kids, so I cannot orgasm & I haven't orgasmed in years (really? I didn't seem to be any having issues before the A. Plus, I cannot believe he typed the word "clitoris" on their gchats!?!)
-I don't enjoy sex (but the week prior to him starting the affair we did it three times, yep, I must really hate sex)
-That I have a permanent period (I cannot believe I almost forgot that one! Therefore edited to add this one)

She soaked it all up & volunteered to spice up his poor, lonely, deprived life. Sad.

What gets me is that he says that he purposely started to pull away more from our marriage prior to them sleeping together, so he would feel better and have additional justification to continue. It kills me that he sabotage my efforts that weekend (massage appts, a show, etc), so he could tell her that we had a rough weekend...jackass. That is hard for me to get over.

[This message edited by ILINIA at 3:48 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 427 | Registered: Jul 2013
TICKED OFF
♀ Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely do know that h talked about me during his a with the neighbor and whore talked about her h. After all, they both had to bring up our names to figure out when we would be gone so h could get his blow job and she could get herself munched on. And after their "soul mate sex" they of course had to slam me and her h into the ground to justify their actions and commiserate with each other.

Posts: 2397 | Registered: Sep 2005
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. He never discussed me with her. Well, in the beginning when they were just friends, part of what they discussed were the problems we were having. She was "helping" him. How many times have we heard that one?

But once the affair began, I didn't exist. They never talked about. I think it made it too real for him. He couldn't cross the streams. Frankly, it is one of the things that helped me recover. Had he admitted to vilifying me to her? I dunno that I could deal with that.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6298 | Registered: Jan 2011
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Nearly Exh thought what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me, too. He tried to say several times that I'm not discussed, but that's not true because of what OW told me...about how awful our marriage was and how awful his life was. (It wasn't.)

Then he flip flopped and told me that he cried for me when he was gone and missed me and had many memories of us, even the college days, some of our longer vacations. It got so that I didn't know what to believe and maybe that was the purpose?

This was a little bit funny, during my stronger times.

He succeeded with OW by telling her he was a widower. So when I asked, "What did I die of?", he turned beat red and tried to say that it never came up. We know several widowers who are real ones, so I wondered if he took one of their stories or used his own.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband, myself and OW worked together. I was the boss. He would bitch to her about me. I would bitch to her about him and she would be sure to tell him everything. I believe a good chunk of time was spent putting me down. It always amazes me how he could go from speaking badly about me one day to realizing he was madly in love with me the next day ( d-day).


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1383 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
sad34
♀ Member
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank u everyone for taking the time to post I appreciate and feel for all your stories!


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 138 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't have to ask. The OW's BF told me he'd seen the texts between WH and OW and they were "never anything good."

Nothing like hearing what a horrible person you are from a complete stranger!


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not asked that question. Thought about it, but haven't as of yet.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XH was good at not answering 'uncomfortable for him questions'.

He pretty much said he didn't think of me and I don't think I was on OW's mind either; like it was truly all about them. I know from her BH that she thought little of me; not that I was a bitch per se, more like a non-factor.

I sort of believe they didn't talk about their BS', but more focused on THEM as a couple because they are both just like super selfish people. I do think it was like 99% about them 99% of the time.



Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Their "friendship" started because they were bitching about their marriages. That's all they did was complain about us. She was trying to help him "fix" his marriage and vice versa. He had plenty to say about me, and spread it around to family members and coworkers for years. He is passive aggressive with narsasitic and BPD tendencies. He also has an addictive personality and was acting out by spending money. He lied. He lied about everything. Then he turned everything around against me so that he would not have to face his own truths. His messed up FOO encouraged it and made everything 20x worse.


Me - BW 38
Him - FWH 38
Her - MOW 46 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 969 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked.....many times. Only because I wanted him to prove to me he did not say all the things that the OW said that he said. Broke my heart but I am pretty sure he said it all, although he denies it


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 352 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
RedRose
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked; he said that he never talked about me at all, which is impossible to believe - they were together for 2.5 years, so I think I must have come up occasionally. Just another thing I will never know the truth about :(


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 37
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