He saw ow on the road at a stoplight about two months ago too. Didn't mention it at all though we have a tell me when you see her policy. Just didn't want to listen to all the questions and concerns when it wasn't a big dealer says.
Call me crazy but OMITTING IS LYING?!?! Where did my honest husband go? He says this not the same. It's avoiding conflict on a subject that isn't a big deal.
I'm seriously thinking of just saying forget it. I can live alone - at least I'm honest with myself.
This is something we have begun to talk about in MC and his IC. The counselor has really been calling him on it, and my WH does now understand and admit that that sort of behavior is just as deceptive as outright lies. I know that it will probably take some time for that whole concept to really click in his brain though, as this behavior is something that's been ingrained in him since childhood. (FOO issues.)
Are you guys in counseling at all? If so I would definitely bring this up. Our MC keeps repeating to us that our most basic foundational problem right now is trust (duh), and I think hearing that in MC helped my WH understand how his behavior undermines my ability to start to trust him again. Not just where infidelity is concerned, but across the board, complete honesty is necessary for trust to start to grow again.
My WH feels the same - if it's not false words coming out of his mouth it's not lying. NOT!!!!!
"One is not tempted by that he does not want."
My WW is slowly starting to see I need to know. It helps. There are several questions until I'm satisfied, but, then I'm satisfied. I thank her and move on.
Why can't they just get it!!! The truth does work. I feel better when I get the truth.
Hopefully your WH will start to come around. My WW told me about contact the AP made the other day at her work. But, left out several sentences that she confessed days later. I accused her of lying and she said it was for my benefit. Thanks for fucking looking out for me. Hopefully, after our calm, loving discussion, insert laughter here, she will get it.
The A made this worse, but it was a protective mechanism he had always had.
Now he feels so much happier being able to share everything openly.
Pretty perceptive. He was even lying to his IC at the time.
He didn't become open and honest until a few months after Dday 2,, after more phone records, a polygraph and then finally disclosing his CSA for the first time. He actually said the words (or cried them)--no more lies.
Perhaps your H needs some help with this. I know mine is much more
at peace now.
Eta--our daughter accidentally found out about the CSA. She is now very proud of how her Dad is behaving.
[This message edited by catlover50 at 2:24 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]