Fast forward to now. They've moved back in together, things seemed ok, (I think, as an outsider anyway) and as recently as July she text me and told me (again) how sorry she was for her part in the affair, she would go to her grave with the guilt, and all she wanted for the rest of her life was her husband.
So, a friend tells me today that her boyfriend was talking to MOW's WS and asked him how he was doing since he hadn't seen him in a while. He states, "well as good as you can get going through the Big D." Boyfriend asked what happened and he just said he was "sick of her shit". :( :(
Now, I'm feeling triggered, paranoid, and scared. MY WS has been doing all the right things, been saying all the right things, seems happy. So why can't I shake this feeling? I hate it! I'm scared that when or if he finds out she is divorcing, he'll want her back, even though all signs point to that not happening (he even has stated she wasn't who he thought she was, wanted out but didn't know how without me finding out, etc).
Anyone gone through this?
How did OW act when they were S before? How did WH act when she was separated? Did he act any differently than when she was in her own marriage?
when i look back on that...i cringe.
what i learned is this:
the other women's relationship status was not the issue. it is hard to accept that..and not be insecure...i get that. i felt the same way. but really....it is not about the ow. it is about what your husband chooses to do. it wouldnt matter if the ow was married or not. if they wanted to cheat, they would make it happen. and that is exactly what they did right?
so really, we have no control over what they do.
the ow divorcing her husband has nothing to do with you. the discovery of her a may have played a major role...but who knows what else was going on their their m. you will never know. not even your h will even know the full story of her m. and it shouldnt concern you, or your h...you know what i mean?
if this ow decides to reach out to your h...or if your h hears she is single now, and wants to cheat, he will. and there is nothing any of us BSs can do about it.
what we can control is what WE decide to do if that boundary or any of the r rules are violated. YOU can decide your next move.
if he decides he wants her back now that she is single...that cant be controlled either.
and if we played the tape....lets say, he did leave...and go back to her...it would hurt like hell. and he may go...but i bet if he did, and changed his mind after he saw the grass wasnt greener, you might not even want him back.
you know what i mean?
What should matter is your WS's actions. Keep your eyes wide open. Remember, we can only control ourselves. We all have choices to make. WS may make the wrong choice, but remember that you also have a choice. That's our strength as the BS. Our happiness is in our own hands. Don't let the OW or your WS drive YOUR life.
How do I know this? My WS cheated on multiple Physical and Emotional affair with multiple women. Plenty of the OW told my husband that they'll wait for him if it doesn't work out with me when he told them it's over... Regardless of that, we're R 5 years now and stronger than before. So trust me when I say that the status of the OW relationship doesn't matter.
I hope that helps.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
To my surprise I have found NC since and this has also been confirmed by the MOW.
I got to a point where I didn't care I just wanted my WH to either work on M or go be with her , not both. He's been fighting to stay at home ever since.
DH looked at me like I had two heads. He said "Niaveone, I love you. I don't care what they are doing. I *want* to be here. I don't want her or their screwed up idea of what a relationship is."
I guess it's one day at a time, one anxiety attack at a time. But onward it is.