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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Talking to other BS
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it a good idea to be talking to the other BS? We have emailed quite a bit since he first found me on Facebook. Sometimes when we talk I feel like I am back sliding a little bit but sometimes it helps.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 312 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sat down with the other BS in my situation for 2.5 hours this past Friday. I felt pretty good afterwards because it gave me some insight about what a complete chickenshit the AP is. My WW and her AP are both in a serious fog, and even though I tried to point out how some of the things I learned are going to lead to my WWs misery in the future, she isn't able to hear it.

I reached out to the other BS just for mutual support because we both already knew. I think it was helpful.

[This message edited by kg201 at 6:38 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 580 | Registered: Aug 2013
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation is a little different, but I did talk to the OW's Husband. THe OW was married, but in an OPEN relationship. The H of OW was a pompous, selfish, pseudo- intellectual narcissist arse.

He wanted to tell me the whole story about how it took years to evolve to the enlightenment of what joy and fulfillment an open marriage could bring. And, you know, he didn't expect me to even understand it...because I was just the stupid wife who knew nothing of it.

So, he supported his wife falling in love with another man. But he did have a problem with her having an affair with a married man, because that is against the rules in open marraige. Apparently, there are rules, and you are supposed to only mess around with other open marriage people not singles or cheaters- too messy I guess.

So this high minded ARSEhole was a collaborator in this 16 month affair. He knew EVERYTHING about me and my family. He helped his W/the OW accidentally "run into" my husband and kids at a restuarant so she could meet them.

How messed up is this dude that he wanted his wife to fall in love. APparently, he had done it a few years ago and it really hurt her, so he wanted her to know what it felt like. and he supported her. He was friends with my H, they hung out and watched football after my H banged his wife. Maybe they compared notes. Gross!

He left her once my H and his W got too out of control in love and he became second fiddle. "He became the priority so I had to leave her...they are going to be together and you have to come to peace with that"

He just wanted to talk and talk and talk. I got to the point where I almost threw up.

I did text him once since then, and he kind of blew me off telling me that he has his own divorce to deal with and while he understands I may be hurt (ya think?) he needs to move on to a more positive life and avoid toxicity and anger to find peace.

What a selfish dick. I told him, you are just like them, and I hope you too get what you deserve.

I think if the other BS was a normal human person who was an innocent, it might be nice to talk and have the support- but it could get wierd pretty fast I imagine....


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention that in my situation I also had met the other BS in two prior situations, so it wasn't and awkward, "I don't know you, but..."


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 580 | Registered: Aug 2013
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I contacted the other BS after DDay and told her what I knew then. Though I have since found out more but not much. She didn't respond and has blocked me from contacting her again.

No doubt ex's AP has told her that I am some sort of mentally unstable person who is trying to stir trouble. I'm also sure that ex told AP I was the worst partner in the world too. Whatever!

Ex never told me much of the truth, only TT'd. I'm sure he is happy that he and AP have a secret that I was not worth telling after 8.5 years.

I'm glad I contacted the other BS to end the fantasy. She can do whatever she wants with that information.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have become quite close to the xBH of my exWHs whore. He is a good source of support for me since he completely understands my emotions whatever they are - he's been there.

I think you have to decide whether it is emotionally healthy or not to seek comfort from the OBS. I have heard of it going very bad, and then I know one couple who ended up marrying and having a great life together even.

For me, this relationship is positive and helpful for now. I know I can count on him to listen to my sadness or hear my happiness, as I do for him.

We have stopped talking so much about our ex-dirtbags for the most part because they don't really matter anymore.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3515 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 6

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