It's been 2 weeks since H and I talked about his ONS (s). And I'm positive it does not enter his mind, he goes about his usual work day, his life. Me, on the other hand, lately, I've been thinking about it more and more. I go from one women to the other, I go from one question to another. I am so sick and tired of occupying my mind with his fucking mess.
We went out last night for dinner, he was super. Did not say or do anything wrong. Did a "bit" of the eye thing with the waitress and that triggered me. That was it for me. Could not finish my dinner and I was silent on the way home. I realized that it was not him, it was me. But we did not talk about what caused the trigger, or my feelings. The evening simply continued.
It's been a little over 2 months now since H confessed to a ONS in 2011. The only person I talk to is my sister. I don't bring the subject up with my H cause I really really do not want to get into an argument, do not want to go there. So, I write here, I read and yes I am bottling it up.
I have searched and searched for a "good" MC, therapist. We live in a small city, the choice is not out there. And I do not want to ask my co workers (cause they don't know what I am going through). I need to release my feelings, thoughts. Going to explode.
Is it possible to talk about the subject and not get into an argument. Just talk about why it happened, why he chose that route, how he feels about it now ... Cause every time we discuss the subject, we tend to, or, I tend to blow up!